How Come You Never Go There?

Before you even read any further, go down and play the youtube video so that a beautiful song that I want you to actually listen to is playing while you're reading...

Surprise, surprise. I'm at Starbucks. For some reason, this is the only place I can bring myself to spend ridiculous amounts of money for anything ("ridiculous" meaning $3.00 for an iced coffee). 

I have been home for eleven days now. Eleven days of lazy, idle, fatty living. Seriously guys. I sit on the couch all day watching reruns of the shows I've missed. I had to catch up on all the shows I watched before I left. Many season finales to watch before the start of the new seasons next month!

Glee makes me so happy all the time. As a musician I can appreciate a musical-type weekly television series! Especially when they cover songs I actually like.

Who doesn't love The Office? I still haven't seen the episode where Michael leaves or even really know much about it. I've never laughed more at a television series.

Parenthood is seriously the most realistic show on TV. I cry every single episode. I'm not even kidding. The other day I watched the last five episodes of the last season and my eyes were constantly streaming tears, for like five straight hours. It makes you laugh and cry and things are not always resolved by the end of every episode and that's why I love it. 

This cartoon I actually just started watching since I've come home and let me tell you, it is a great one! It's hilarious and so witty. Finn and Jake are the best duo ever written for TV. I mean, this shouldn't even be classified as a kids show because it's that good. I would suggest you all watch this. Adults will crack up more than kids will. Don't give up after one episode either, the more you watch, the more you will crave.

The greatest female guitarist and songstress is finally, after four years of nearly silence, releasing a studio album! Feist my friends, Feist. If you haven't listened to her you should because she is amazing and that is an understatement. Her voice is so soothing and the way she puts songs together is creative, unique, and inspiring. I love her guitar skills. Simple, yet intricately woven with her vocals and good looks. You may know her from such commercials as Apple iPod with the "1,2,3,4,5,6,9, and ten money can't buy you back the love that you had then..." You get the idea. Here's her newest single that I just heard on the radio today and I was so obsessed I had to find it and listen to it over and over again on youtube.

I. Can't. Stop.

In other news, this might be a kind of loooonger blog since it's been a few days from the last entry. So, to not intimidate you, I'll put the rest after this paragraph so that you can click and read a lot if you so desire, or just leave it at this if you don't want to take the time to read more personal things.

 I have recently re-realized my struggle with self-control and lack of doing anything I really should be doing. I am reminded of Romans 7:14-20 as this realization has arose yet again in my life. Paul is addressing the Roman church and basically tells them that he keeps doing the things he does not want to do because of his sin nature, and the good that he desperately wants to do is not possible because of sin. I am always having to remind myself that I am no longer a slave to sin. I am free. We are all free if we accept it. But the hard part is knowing how to walk in that freedom. How do I accept and apply that freedom to my life when all I seem to be able to do is continue to live in the slavery sin has bound me to? There are so many things I want to do right now, but I just lazily put them off and instead do selfish things that only last for a moment, but those moments of selfishness seem to take up most of my day.

Thank God for his grace and mercy which is always overflowing in all areas of my life! God reminded me recently that I said in January that 2011 would be a year of gratitude. I would live in gratitude as much as possible, and I have not been keeping that promise to myself or to my Savior. I think the beginning of changing my slave mindset is to acknowledge that I am free, I don't have to give in to temptation any longer, and accept the fact that if I do stumble again it is completely okay because God is there to pick me up again and pour his grace and mercy on me.

I cannot do this alone either. I need people in my life to encourage me, support me, and just plain love me without spazzing out on me. Believe me, I have had enough stress and drama in my life the past year as SBS and Titus staff, and quite frankly, do not have time or energy to deal with miscommunications and drama while I'm home. I need to recoup and refresh while I'm here, and today that looked like laying out by the pool with a dear friend talking about fitness and tattoos. Tomorrow it will be something completely different maybe, and I welcome it with open arms. I need things to keep my mind of of self-destruction by worry and anxiety.

I've always thought I had some sort of anxiety disorder and/or depression. It seems to really flare up when I first come back to Minnesota and when I first get back to India. All of this moving around stuff takes a lot out of a girl!

Thanks for reading further into this and hearing out my late night blogging rants. I know blogging or journaling or even calling someone at night is not the best time because your emotions are heightened and everything else is much bigger than it will seem in the morning, but I wanted this to be extra emotional.