you: Hey! I miss you so much! Let's hang out!
me: Yes, totally! I miss you too! When do you want to hang out?
you: Let's hang out on this day next week! I can't wait to see you!!!!
me: Yeah, totally awesome, I can't wait! It works for me as I am doing nothing at all that day!!!
What goes on in my head until that day comes: What will we be doing? Anything we do will involve money and I can't even bring myself to pay $5 for a meal because it's double the amount for a meal in India. I don't have that kind of money, I have to pay for gas eventually and it's like $3.99 a gallon and I do not have that kind of money. Will they pay for me or are they expecting me to pay for myself like all Americans would assume? Will I have to be the d-bag who says "oh, btw I have no money" when we get to the register? Will I have to be the jerk who cancels at the last minute because I have no money and would hate to put that kind of pressure on someone...even if it's someone I haven't seen for a very, very long time? Why do things have to be so expensive??? Why did I have to buy that perfume yesterday when I didn't need it and therefore can't afford to do anything else this week?? WHY AM I SO BAD WITH MY FINANCES? WHY HAVEN'T I LEARNED FROM MY PAST MISTAKES??? Why can't they just say up front they'll pay for me if that's what they're thinking? Is it weird to ask if they're expecting to pay for me or me to pay for myself? How will I afford to pay my electricity bill in India if I spend the same amount I would for a month's electricity on dinner that day? (Electric bill for this month: $17.09. Dinner at a restaurant: $17.09) WHAT TO DO?? TELL ME WHAT TO DO, O WISE BRAIN OF MINE!!!!
I'll just stay home and watch Adventure Time with Finn and Jake or whatever it's called.
And that's a glimpse of what's going on inside my head when people ask me to "hang out" upon coming back from India.
I seriously need to get into a schedule. I find that if my life is scheduled I make wiser choices. I don't know how I have lost all self-control in my life. I've given up on controlling my surroundings which is fine, that's what God wants I think, but I seem to have also given up on controlling myself when it comes to everything. I don't even know where to begin. You'd think studying the Bible for so long would make me wiser and closer to perfection than ever before, but I am pretty sure it has brought me farther away. Perhaps that's the way wisdom goes. The more you know the more you realize how imperfect you really are. The more I get a hold of what needs to be done, the more I see how far I have fallen, and the more I see how much I need grace. Grace is a huge gift and I have always taken it for granted. I still do, but I am at least starting to see how important it is in my selfish life.
On another, completely un-related note, I'm listening to "Born This Way" by Gaga with my headphones on for the first time and am hearing little background things I have never heard before! And I've listened to this song a billion times. It's pretty cool actually. At the very beginning when she's talking, there's some cello or bass action going on. The harmonies and background vocals sound sweet also, as with the bass drum beat. I don't care what anyone says. I like Lady Gawgs.
But, I won't end with that controversial statement. I'll leave you with this question:
Has there been a time in your life you realized the importance of grace?
Have you ever struggled with self-control?
me: Yes, totally! I miss you too! When do you want to hang out?
you: Let's hang out on this day next week! I can't wait to see you!!!!
me: Yeah, totally awesome, I can't wait! It works for me as I am doing nothing at all that day!!!
What goes on in my head until that day comes: What will we be doing? Anything we do will involve money and I can't even bring myself to pay $5 for a meal because it's double the amount for a meal in India. I don't have that kind of money, I have to pay for gas eventually and it's like $3.99 a gallon and I do not have that kind of money. Will they pay for me or are they expecting me to pay for myself like all Americans would assume? Will I have to be the d-bag who says "oh, btw I have no money" when we get to the register? Will I have to be the jerk who cancels at the last minute because I have no money and would hate to put that kind of pressure on someone...even if it's someone I haven't seen for a very, very long time? Why do things have to be so expensive??? Why did I have to buy that perfume yesterday when I didn't need it and therefore can't afford to do anything else this week?? WHY AM I SO BAD WITH MY FINANCES? WHY HAVEN'T I LEARNED FROM MY PAST MISTAKES??? Why can't they just say up front they'll pay for me if that's what they're thinking? Is it weird to ask if they're expecting to pay for me or me to pay for myself? How will I afford to pay my electricity bill in India if I spend the same amount I would for a month's electricity on dinner that day? (Electric bill for this month: $17.09. Dinner at a restaurant: $17.09) WHAT TO DO?? TELL ME WHAT TO DO, O WISE BRAIN OF MINE!!!!
I'll just stay home and watch Adventure Time with Finn and Jake or whatever it's called.
And that's a glimpse of what's going on inside my head when people ask me to "hang out" upon coming back from India.
That's me holding all the money I have in my wallet. 50 rupees is equivalent to $1.09.
I called the Love of my life today finally. After an entire week since that fateful taxi ride to the airport, I called him. Oh how I miss his voice and face and laugh and words and broken English at times. Ahhhh. It is true that old adage: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or the original saying that came from Roman poet, Sextus Propertius (wonder if that was his real name):
"Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows."
Miss you, Boo.
I seriously need to get into a schedule. I find that if my life is scheduled I make wiser choices. I don't know how I have lost all self-control in my life. I've given up on controlling my surroundings which is fine, that's what God wants I think, but I seem to have also given up on controlling myself when it comes to everything. I don't even know where to begin. You'd think studying the Bible for so long would make me wiser and closer to perfection than ever before, but I am pretty sure it has brought me farther away. Perhaps that's the way wisdom goes. The more you know the more you realize how imperfect you really are. The more I get a hold of what needs to be done, the more I see how far I have fallen, and the more I see how much I need grace. Grace is a huge gift and I have always taken it for granted. I still do, but I am at least starting to see how important it is in my selfish life.
On another, completely un-related note, I'm listening to "Born This Way" by Gaga with my headphones on for the first time and am hearing little background things I have never heard before! And I've listened to this song a billion times. It's pretty cool actually. At the very beginning when she's talking, there's some cello or bass action going on. The harmonies and background vocals sound sweet also, as with the bass drum beat. I don't care what anyone says. I like Lady Gawgs.
But, I won't end with that controversial statement. I'll leave you with this question:
Has there been a time in your life you realized the importance of grace?
Have you ever struggled with self-control?
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