I am beginning to consider stressing out. I know I shouldn't and there is no need for it, but I leave in precisely 19 days and only receive one more paycheck in that span of time. I have so many things I need still before I go and things I don't need, but would be nice to have, like an iPad and different type of visa. Both of which I don't need, but who wouldn't love an iPad and who wouldn't love a visa that allows you to stay in India for two years without having to leave? As of right now I'm going in on my tourist visa and will have to leave around Christmas for two months. Also as of right now I am the only female staff member for our school, so what will they do without the only female staff for two whole months? I have no idea, but again, not something I need to worry about. Life filled with worry is not a life to live. It's the life I have lived up until the last year. However, I've grown accustomed to faith and I have experienced worrying about things I can't change and also not worrying about things I can't change, and the latter is a much better way of living. Either option will not alter the impending result, I will just feel more at peace about the end result if I stop worrying about it now. And now I'm babbling.
As the deadline for departure comes ever closer, I begin to wonder if this really is what God wants me to do, and if I'm being obedient to him or if I'm doing something that I want to do without even consulting God or seeing if this is truly what he wants. Then I remember how much I don't like speaking, teaching, or leading a bunch of college age (my age!) people. And I remember how much I dislike flying on airplanes. Or how much I can't stand the heat of India. Or how about the fact that I am literally going to go crazy when monsoon happens and I'm stuck inside a moldy house or classroom all day. So, when I think about those things and realize that everything about going to India and teaching the Bible is everything I have never truly desired for myself, I know that it has not started out as my selfish desire, but has grown into my desire to do God's desire. If any of that makes any sense.
So, needless to say, I'm excited, nervous, scared, prepared yet so unprepared, willing and able to go to India and all that entails. All the people I loved most are leaving India though, suddenly, without so much as a warning. My Norwegian roommate whom I adore will be my roommate for two weeks, then she's going home. My best friend from Pune moved all the way to the Philippines for the next two years. My dear friend is most likely going to Mysore for his SBS the day after I arrive. So really, I still will have people that are near and dear to my heart there, but three of the major handful are leaving or already gone. God is quickly showing me that yes, I need relationships in this life and that is one of the most important factors of our life on earth, but they must never replace my relationship with Him. Which happens a lot in my life in particular.
Work here is going wonderfully. Kids are so funny. I love seeing how much they change even in just three months of me being in their lives. There is a little girl who used to be so quiet and sweet, and now she follows me everywhere and is always talking and so silly. Then, there's this other girl with down syndrom who I'll admit has always been a little intimidating just because she never listens to any of the teachers really and does what she wants when she wants where she wants, but yesterday for the first time ever she came up to me randomly and just hugged me and then went wherever I went and was really sweet to me. She listened to me when I told her to stop doing something and she let me put sunscreen on her which is not possible for any of the other teachers. Ahhh, I just love these kids. I'm sad they only get to be a part of my life for three months. Three months of all my years on this earth! I know that if I see any of them again it won't be for two years and they won't remember me. But that doesn't discourage me from building relationships with them. In the past it would have.
So, if you feel like helping a sister out, these are things I need before I leave in 19 days. If you don't feel like giving money, but want to help, this is a super practical way to help:
1. Guitar strings - Elixer light acoustic nano or poly, don't matter to me (I need to bring a ton of them with me since India's selection is so minuscule and I only use a certain brand for my guitar)
2. Girl's clothes - 3T or 4T (my school leader has a daughter who is turning three next month and they need some warmer clothes for Monsoon coming up and then for later in life too! So if you have some laying around you don't need anymore I would love to take them with me!)
3. Febreeze (yeah it gets pretty stinky during and after Monsoon cause of the water and mold)
4. Colored pencils - Crayola twistable ones (they work so good on a Bible you don't even know!)
5. How To Read The Bible For All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee & Douglas Stuart (it's required reading for the outreach that I'll be doing shortly after arriving)
6. Digital camera - To keep you all updated with pictures and videos! (I need one of those "tough" cameras that are waterproof and drop proof and crush resistant and all that good stuff. I drop everything I own and it's a wonder my laptop hasn't yet fallen, but my iPod is dead from too many drops and my phone is barely hanging on. I like the Pentax W90,but any brand is good I suppose)
7. A Target gift card would be nice so I can get all those little things I need that I won't ask for like shampoo, face wash, vitamins, aleve, misc. toiletries.
8. I need someone like from the show Hoarders who would want to go through all my possessions with me and ask hard questions(don't worry, not as much as Hoarders would have) and be strict about keeping it or not, cause honestly, I want to get rid of everything I'm not bringing with me, but of course save some things. Clothes are my biggest stronghold.
That's all I can think of right now. Please pray for more female staff, peace about leaving, and that I wouldn't worry about God's provision of all that I need. That my last month home would be productive and not filled with idleness. That I would be wise with my money and time.
SATURDAY, JUNE 12th!!!!!
4:00 PM until WHENEVER
Come one, come all to my bon voyage/christmas/birthday party! We will play silly games, go swimming, and eat lots of food! Bring a towel, swimsuit, gift of $5 or less (wrapped in xmas paper) for a gift exchanging game, and mostly bring yourself! I want to see all of you before I head out. Please, please, please make an appearance!
At my parent's house! E-mail me or call me if you need the address!
