Once there was a way...

I am beginning to consider stressing out. I know I shouldn't and there is no need for it, but I leave in precisely 19 days and only receive one more paycheck in that span of time. I have so many things I need still before I go and things I don't need, but would be nice to have, like an iPad and different type of visa. Both of which I don't need, but who wouldn't love an iPad and who wouldn't love a visa that allows you to stay in India for two years without having to leave? As of right now I'm going in on my tourist visa and will have to leave around Christmas for two months. Also as of right now I am the only female staff member for our school, so what will they do without the only female staff for two whole months? I have no idea, but again, not something I need to worry about. Life filled with worry is not a life to live. It's the life I have lived up until the last year. However, I've grown accustomed to faith and I have experienced worrying about things I can't change and also not worrying about things I can't change, and the latter is a much better way of living. Either option will not alter the impending result, I will just feel more at peace about the end result if I stop worrying about it now. And now I'm babbling.

As the deadline for departure comes ever closer, I begin to wonder if this really is what God wants me to do, and if I'm being obedient to him or if I'm doing something that I want to do without even consulting God or seeing if this is truly what he wants. Then I remember how much I don't like speaking, teaching, or leading a bunch of college age (my age!) people. And I remember how much I dislike flying on airplanes. Or how much I can't stand the heat of India. Or how about the fact that I am literally going to go crazy when monsoon happens and I'm stuck inside a moldy house or classroom all day. So, when I think about those things and realize that everything about going to India and teaching the Bible is everything I have never truly desired for myself, I know that it has not started out as my selfish desire, but has grown into my desire to do God's desire. If any of that makes any sense.

So, needless to say, I'm excited, nervous, scared, prepared yet so unprepared, willing and able to go to India and all that entails. All the people I loved most are leaving India though, suddenly, without so much as a warning. My Norwegian roommate whom I adore will be my roommate for two weeks, then she's going home. My best friend from Pune moved all the way to the Philippines for the next two years. My dear friend is most likely going to Mysore for his SBS the day after I arrive. So really, I still will have people that are near and dear to my heart there, but three of the major handful are leaving or already gone. God is quickly showing me that yes, I need relationships in this life and that is one of the most important factors of our life on earth, but they must never replace my relationship with Him. Which happens a lot in my life in particular.

Work here is going wonderfully. Kids are so funny. I love seeing how much they change even in just three months of me being in their lives. There is a little girl who used to be so quiet and sweet, and now she follows me everywhere and is always talking and so silly. Then, there's this other girl with down syndrom who I'll admit has always been a little intimidating just because she never listens to any of the teachers really and does what she wants when she wants where she wants, but yesterday for the first time ever she came up to me randomly and just hugged me and then went wherever I went and was really sweet to me. She listened to me when I told her to stop doing something and she let me put sunscreen on her which is not possible for any of the other teachers. Ahhh, I just love these kids. I'm sad they only get to be a part of my life for three months. Three months of all my years on this earth! I know that if I see any of them again it won't be for two years and they won't remember me. But that doesn't discourage me from building relationships with them. In the past it would have.

So, if you feel like helping a sister out, these are things I need before I leave in 19 days. If you don't feel like giving money, but want to help, this is a super practical way to help:

1. Guitar strings - Elixer light acoustic nano or poly, don't matter to me (I need to bring a ton of them with me since India's selection is so minuscule and I only use a certain brand for my guitar)

2. Girl's clothes - 3T or 4T (my school leader has a daughter who is turning three next month and they need some warmer clothes for Monsoon coming up and then for later in life too! So if you have some laying around you don't need anymore I would love to take them with me!)

3. Febreeze (yeah it gets pretty stinky during and after Monsoon cause of the water and mold)

4. Colored pencils - Crayola twistable ones (they work so good on a Bible you don't even know!)

5. How To Read The Bible For All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee & Douglas Stuart (it's required reading for the outreach that I'll be doing shortly after arriving)

6. Digital camera - To keep you all updated with pictures and videos! (I need one of those "tough" cameras that are waterproof and drop proof and crush resistant and all that good stuff. I drop everything I own and it's a wonder my laptop hasn't yet fallen, but my iPod is dead from too many drops and my phone is barely hanging on. I like the Pentax W90,but any brand is good I suppose)

7. A Target gift card would be nice so I can get all those little things I need that I won't ask for like shampoo, face wash, vitamins, aleve, misc. toiletries.

8. I need someone like from the show Hoarders who would want to go through all my possessions with me and ask hard questions(don't worry, not as much as Hoarders would have) and be strict about keeping it or not, cause honestly, I want to get rid of everything I'm not bringing with me, but of course save some things. Clothes are my biggest stronghold.

That's all I can think of right now. Please pray for more female staff, peace about leaving, and that I wouldn't worry about God's provision of all that I need. That my last month home would be productive and not filled with idleness. That I would be wise with my money and time.

SATURDAY, JUNE 12th!!!!!
4:00 PM until WHENEVER
Come one, come all to my bon voyage/christmas/birthday party! We will play silly games, go swimming, and eat lots of food! Bring a towel, swimsuit, gift of $5 or less (wrapped in xmas paper) for a gift exchanging game, and mostly bring yourself! I want to see all of you before I head out. Please, please, please make an appearance!

At my parent's house! E-mail me or call me if you need the address!

Your Love is Better Than Life

I went to Starbucks this morning thinking to myself that I really want a Venti (Huge) drink, but would resolve for a Grande (medium). So when I got there I reloaded my starbucks gift card and ordered a Grande Peppermint Mocha Frappucino with no whip (which is my "usual" at all starbucks locations), and to my surprise and delight they made me a Venti anyway even though they had no idea the dialog within my brain on the way to Starbucks. God loves to bless his Beloved!

I heard back from the YWAM base in Tyler, Texas and they set up my staff account there so if anyone wishes to send me checks they can now make them out to "YWAM" and send them to the address on the side of the page here. It is very important however that you DO NOT put my name anywhere on the check. Write my name on a post-it note or piece of paper and throw it in the envelope with the check. Your donations will now be tax deductible and you can even opt for automatic monthly withdrawels if you wish! It's pretty snazzy. Just contact me if you would like to do that and I'll get you the info.

I cannot believe time has flown by so quickly. I leave already on June 16th! I will be going first to London to hang out with Lottie, by dear friend from SBS, and then a week later I'll be on a plane to Mumbai. God is providing everything in amazing ways! He is really surprising me with the people and places he's using to get his plan for my life out and about. His plan for India. I am excited to be a part of this change in India. God is doing mighty things there and I feel honored to be an instrument of His over there, and even here now while He is preparing me to go there again. I never thought I'd live long-term in India. Ever. In fact I was all about the "secular" music industry for awhile and convinced I would somehow be influential in the US over musicians. But God had bigger plans, and yes, I do believe this is bigger than being a famous musician.

I have decided to read through the Psalms in the next 39 days, 40 days beginning yesterday. I also have these two books I found in one of my mom's many boxes of books. One is a 40 day journey with Augustine and the other is a 40 day journey with Francis of Assisi. So, I'm set for these next 40 days. I want to take a journey these 40 days. A journey to find more of my identity in Jesus and to be open for God's preparation of my mind, heart, will, body, and every other part of my life that needs to and wants to be touched by Him. I am excited for what this year is already becoming and what doors it will open and has opened. I have already met a lot of new people excited about God's kingdom in India and here in Minnesota too. I'm glad it's all one big kingdom and not divided into different sections or cities or buildings. How awesome will it be when His kingdom is 100% here on earth? I cannot even picture what that will be like.

This last weekend, Easter weekend, I was a part of a group of people who sought to change lives with Jesus Christ in a small city a little north of where I am. I'll admit, this place has not been agreeable with me for some time, I love the people involved with it, I have just been incredibly critical and a little tiny bit bitter when it comes to this place. I have been praying about my attitude and I don't think it has completely changed, but this last weekend I was sitting in a church service in their smaller campus and when that "altar" call came and I think only 6 or 7 people stood up to acknowledge they changed their lives at that moment, tears suddenly welled up in my eyes and I felt the uncontrollable urge to weep. Weep for joy because these people have no idea what they're getting themselves into, and it's not going to be the easiest life from here on out, but it's going to be a life full of love, support, and joy no matter what they do! It's going to be a life of grace, mercy, and peace with the right heart and attitude. I've been in this family ever since I can remember, and it's not cake walk, but when I sit back and really think about the situations I get myself into I do know, I truly know, that I am loved, accepted, and valuable. I have realized for some time now that although I might not agree with some of the teachings of this group of people or how they do things, I do know for a fact that their hearts are in the right place, and if there's one thing I learned from studying the Bible, that's all that really matters to God. The condition of our heart, the attitude of our heart. And so I pray now that my heart would always be for Him and not against Him. That my heart would truly reflect God's heart and that it would drive and push me to do marvelous things with God's help for His purposes.

God is truly the most wonderful being. He is everything I hope to be and I am so glad that I am on His side and He is on mine. He won't leave you or ignore you. He will always love you and see your truest potential instead of your mistakes and guilt. I am glad he is taking this journey with me, or perhaps I should say that I am taking this journey with Him.

I hope to play music one more time at Maverick's Wood Grill before I leave, and also I'll keep you all posted for a "farewell" party coming sometime in June I reckon where we can swim, barbecue and laugh one last time before I go to India.

Thank you for partnering with me and our Creator in this adventure and this vision God has placed in all of our hearts.