Abandon Ship! Or...wait...what?

Sometimes I feel like I am on a sinking ship. A sinking cruise ship. Do I stay and help repair this vessel or abandon ship? If I decided to stay, I wouldn't even know where to begin repairs. I don't know much about the inner-workings of boats and I'm sure cruise ships have many different compartments and guidelines than freight ships or sailboats or fishing boats. 

I feel like the people aboard this particular ship are just here for fun, to enjoy, they are supposed to actually be the people "manning" the ship and serving the guests but they themselves are acting like guests. They are not here for others or because the Captain specifically asked for them, but because it's where their friends are and maybe they're afraid to try something else or to go to some other ship they have never even seen before. But I know how it got this way. I think I can at least find that explanation.

It's the supervisors. They are the examples that the crew look to. If the supervisor does his job well and emits a sort of scary/intimidation yet compassionate way of doing things then the crew will be respectful and work hard. However, if the supervisor is just having fun and choosing favorites and not being clear about the rules or proper procedure then the crew will be just as lazy, easy-going, and not serious about their work and particular assignment.

Basically, if the supervisor does not take his job or crew seriously then his crew won't take their responsibilities or supervisor seriously.

So now I have a choice set before me. I love this ship. I love this crew. Do I love them enough to actually attempt to bring about change? Do I love this ship enough to try to do everything in my power to save it? If I just stick with it while it sinks I do not love it. If I leave, I love it, but not enough. Not as I should.

As the Indians would say, "what to do?" One thing about Indian culture I am not fond of is the fact that they do things the way they have always been done and if you try to bring about change they will not accept it. Not always of course, I mean India is one of the fastest changing countries in the world! But they are still wearing the clothes they wore hundreds of years ago, wrapped and tucked in the exact same way, and if you wrap or tuck it differently everyone notices and they will re-wrap and re-tuck you until you are the way it has always been. 

I remember going to Café Coffee Day once and asking them to put vanilla ice cream in a brownie sunday on their menu instead of the chocolate ice cream that it comes with. They flat out said that it was not possible. I had to get it the way it was on the menu or I had to choose something else. How difficult is it to put vanilla instead of chocolate? I mean it's like the simplest of changes, but it is refused because "it's not the way it has always been done." 

The same goes for this cruise ship. Nothing is getting better because the crew is living and working the way the crew before them did, and they did the way the crew before them did, and so on and so forth as far back in time as you can go.

Then there's the whole problem of putting the wrong emPHASSis on the wrong sylLABle. The supervisors discipline the minor infractions while the major ones are swept under the rug. They put all their energy into putting a brand new addition on the ship while ignoring the smaller problems that have been needed to be repaired for years. Excited and quickly running to the next thing instead of working on making the current one better. Trying to add all these new features and entertainment while the current ones are being ignored and seem not as important as the new ones.

I've felt this way for a long time and have never really been able to put it all down in words, but for some reason, tonight, as I am in a mood to actually do something productive for once, I have decided to write it all out.

Wedding stuff (what else?) and The Hunger Games (again, what else?)

Thirty-four days to go until the vows and the rings and the crying and the flowers. But more importantly, twenty-eight days to go until I see my Mother, brother, and aunt. I have lived in India for the past three years on and off and this is the first time someone from home will have visited me. This fact just makes me that much more excited to see a small part of my family very soon!

Only my amazing Mother on her birthday.

This is just my super-awesome brother mixing a salad.

I don't have a picture of my Aunt.

I spoke to my mom last night on Skype and she got a new iPhone! I was so shocked. She's literally had the same mobile phone since 2004. When my dad brought her old phone into Verizon to transfer the contact information onto the new phone the employee actually laughed at my Dad when he saw the phone and said that there's no way they can transfer the contacts because the phone is so old they don't have the connectors for it anymore. 

All I have to write about is wedding stuff, but I don't' feel like writing about wedding stuff. I never wanted to be one of those girls who counted down the days to my wedding and shortly after marriage update my Facebook status and always make sure I include my "hubby" in there. I'm pretty sure I'll never call Romel my "hubby," but counting down the days is fun. It's also scary. Just about a month left! Yikes.

Well, my responsibilities in the school have just ended. All I am required to do now is attend class, and I probably don't even have to do that! I have just two assignments to grade and then I'm done with this SBS...until March 9th when I have to teach, but that's fun! Teaching is one of the most wonderful things I have discovered in my life. Teaching classes. I can't handle teaching one-on-one something useful like guitar, baking, or something you do with your hands. I can't do that sort of teaching. I am only good at and enjoy teaching classes knowledge and challenging them to practice the stuff they learn. 

Teaching forces you to get to know people you wouldn't normally spend time with. I really lucked out over the past month and taught in another school on our campus and got to know these two lovely ladies from Punjab. Now, if you don't know about people from Punjab I will fill you in. They love to eat and they love to dance. What more could you ask for in life? Their food is famous and they can't survive without milk and butter which are two things very close to my heart as an American. So, I invited these ladies over to make me their famous stuffed parathas. It's like pita bread stuffed with potato or lentil filling. I was so full I didn't eat for the next 24 hours, but it was so worth it.

I'm not usually a fan of Taylor Swift, but I am a fan of The Civil Wars, and also The Hunger Games. She has a new single from the Hunger Games soundtrack. I am so looking forward to seeing Katniss, Peeta, Cinna and Haymitch on the big screen. I just hope that Lionsgate doesn't eff this one up like whoever did with Eragon. Eragon could have been great; Eragon could have been legendary, but it sucked big time. If The Hunger Games movies blow then I might never watch another movie again aside from the old reliables like Wizard of Oz, Singin' in the Rain, and The Sword in the Stone (which is by far the best Disney Movie of all time). I hope that The Hunger Games is released in India soon after, if not the same day as in the US. I am actually more excited for the second movie because the 2nd book is by far my favorite one. All those old tributes, it brings a tear to my eye. Okay, enough, I'll start thinking about Finnick or Megs and get depressed.

Indian Men, Identity, and Mawwage (like The Princess Bride, you know?)

I am getting so tired of Indian men staring at me. Saying, "hello!" or "How are you?" or "From where are you?" etc. They drive past on motorcycles and turn around and stare at me as they drive past. They shout things from passing trains. They laugh. They are creepy. They are funny. Mostly, they are ridiculous. As if an American woman is going to be impressed by their fake Gucci t-shirts tucked into their tight, bell-bottomed jeans with 5 extra zippers that are useless. As if I'm impressed by how well they can say, "shit" and "fuck" as if that would impress me. 

Be patient with this culture.

I am currently sitting in Café Coffee Day and the song playing through the sound system here is saying, "send a dirty picture of yourself" over and over. What kind of stupid music are people making these days? 

Be patient.

I have needed rest more than anything else in the world over the past few days. I can't do anything without getting tired. Even thinking about doing something makes me sleepy. I want to do my laundry. I want to clean my bedroom. I want to sweep and mop the floors. I want to organize the kitchen. I want to ...

Be patient with yourself.

I'm not doing anything "right." As if there is any real "right" or "wrong" way to do life. How much patience must God have to just wait for me to figure stuff out. I don't know why He doesn't just inform me of how to have a good attitude, or how to stop living like a slave to sin, or how to love people, or how to get out of my depressed state of being I seem to be in a lot more lately. He does have all the answers, but he seems to have more patience than answers.

It takes time, be patient with yourself. 

Sometimes I wonder if I really am ready to become someone's lawfully wedded wife. I know I'm not ready actually. I'm not even sure if he's ready to be my husband. Is anyone really ready to get married? I think if people waited until they were really 100% ready to get married we'd all be getting hitched in our 50s or 60s. Then there wouldn't be many children around. Perhaps we'd never get married if we had to be completely ready for it. I saw a news story once about how in Japan there's almost no children anymore and a majority of the population is senior citizens because women are becoming more independent and realize they don't need a man to please them or take care of them because they can get good jobs and use other things to please themselves. They're even trying to make robots that are so human-like it's creepy so that you can truly have a relationship with someone who is exactly how you want them to be. That won't fly though until they can get those robot women to make a perfect sandwich.