I'm going to get a little personal up in here.
I am 100% sure that I have an anxiety disorder. I have always thought I had a slight anxiety problem, but now I am sure it is much bigger than I originally thought. About a month before I left the U.S. (end of December) I started feeling some tightness in my chest. I was at first concerned it had something to do with my heart, in fact I am still worried about that. The week before I left it was almost daily, a slight pressure in my chest and I could not sleep very well, then the night before I was to fly I could not sleep the whole night. Every time I was about to drift off to sleep I thought my heart would stop or I couldn't breathe so I would wake up suddenly with a jerk and make sure I'm alive and breathing and my night continued in that cycle for the next couple hours until I finally somehow drifted off to sleep and found myself waking up on three hours of sleep.
Once I arrived in India I was fine for two whole weeks until it started happening again. I was watching a movie called "Buried." It's about a guy who wakes up buried alive in a box/coffin in Afghanistan or Iraq...I can't remember which. It's a quite intense movie and I felt that pressure/breathing problem again throughout the whole movie. I eventually went to the doctor and he thinks it is just heartburn or gas. It started happening a few times a week only when I would go to sleep. I have discovered that this is quite common with people who have anxiety disorders. Once I decided it was anxiety it has been a lot easier to control. Not knowing what it was only made my anxiety and the symptoms worse.
I believe I've always had anxiety to a small extent because it runs in my family and I always think the worst in any situation. I jump to the worst, most out-there conclusion when anything goes slightly wrong. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac also. But, for some reason this has all escalated into something really intense over the last four months. Some days it's too much for me to handle. Most days I am okay and normal.
I'd still like to get my heart tested for anything abnormal, but I'm pretty sure it's just anxiety.
I taught Proverbs this week and I really love how much wisdom is contained in that book. It really is about choosing to be wise or choosing the path of folly. Will you live a life of wisdom or foolishness? If you fear God you will be wise, but a fool rejects instruction and discernment. As I studied this book a couple of verses hit me in the face. It was just what I needed to hear in this midst of anxiety.
My son, do not lose sight of these -- keep sound wisdom and discretion,
and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.
- Proverbs 3:21-26 -
Now, I realize that those verses are referring to living wisely verses living/following the wicked fool, but it eased my heart and mind especially since I only struggle as I'm trying to sleep and I haven't been sleeping well lately at all.
So, there you have it. My personal struggle at the moment.
In other news, tomorrow is the final day of the 2nd quarter of our three-quarter SBS. Next week is our Spring Break. One whole week with nothing to do! I am so excited to spend time with Romel. I will be baking, reading, resting, relaxing, eating delicious food, and maybe even spending a day in Pune or somewhere else close-by. I just love holidays.
And now some pictures for your enjoyment. I felt a sudden urge to take pictures of all the beautiful vegetation we have on our campus. Plus, had to add one of the cat and some cutie patootie kids that came over this last Sunday for our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY DINNER!
Yes, we've been married for one year now! Where did the time go? I am so thankful God brought Romel into my life. He is so generous, sweet, and silly. I love him so much and look forward to many more years ahead of us.
I am 100% sure that I have an anxiety disorder. I have always thought I had a slight anxiety problem, but now I am sure it is much bigger than I originally thought. About a month before I left the U.S. (end of December) I started feeling some tightness in my chest. I was at first concerned it had something to do with my heart, in fact I am still worried about that. The week before I left it was almost daily, a slight pressure in my chest and I could not sleep very well, then the night before I was to fly I could not sleep the whole night. Every time I was about to drift off to sleep I thought my heart would stop or I couldn't breathe so I would wake up suddenly with a jerk and make sure I'm alive and breathing and my night continued in that cycle for the next couple hours until I finally somehow drifted off to sleep and found myself waking up on three hours of sleep.
Once I arrived in India I was fine for two whole weeks until it started happening again. I was watching a movie called "Buried." It's about a guy who wakes up buried alive in a box/coffin in Afghanistan or Iraq...I can't remember which. It's a quite intense movie and I felt that pressure/breathing problem again throughout the whole movie. I eventually went to the doctor and he thinks it is just heartburn or gas. It started happening a few times a week only when I would go to sleep. I have discovered that this is quite common with people who have anxiety disorders. Once I decided it was anxiety it has been a lot easier to control. Not knowing what it was only made my anxiety and the symptoms worse.
I believe I've always had anxiety to a small extent because it runs in my family and I always think the worst in any situation. I jump to the worst, most out-there conclusion when anything goes slightly wrong. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac also. But, for some reason this has all escalated into something really intense over the last four months. Some days it's too much for me to handle. Most days I am okay and normal.
I'd still like to get my heart tested for anything abnormal, but I'm pretty sure it's just anxiety.
I taught Proverbs this week and I really love how much wisdom is contained in that book. It really is about choosing to be wise or choosing the path of folly. Will you live a life of wisdom or foolishness? If you fear God you will be wise, but a fool rejects instruction and discernment. As I studied this book a couple of verses hit me in the face. It was just what I needed to hear in this midst of anxiety.
My son, do not lose sight of these -- keep sound wisdom and discretion,
and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.
- Proverbs 3:21-26 -
Now, I realize that those verses are referring to living wisely verses living/following the wicked fool, but it eased my heart and mind especially since I only struggle as I'm trying to sleep and I haven't been sleeping well lately at all.
So, there you have it. My personal struggle at the moment.
In other news, tomorrow is the final day of the 2nd quarter of our three-quarter SBS. Next week is our Spring Break. One whole week with nothing to do! I am so excited to spend time with Romel. I will be baking, reading, resting, relaxing, eating delicious food, and maybe even spending a day in Pune or somewhere else close-by. I just love holidays.
And now some pictures for your enjoyment. I felt a sudden urge to take pictures of all the beautiful vegetation we have on our campus. Plus, had to add one of the cat and some cutie patootie kids that came over this last Sunday for our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY DINNER!
Yes, we've been married for one year now! Where did the time go? I am so thankful God brought Romel into my life. He is so generous, sweet, and silly. I love him so much and look forward to many more years ahead of us.
Jackfruit.
Love these purple leaves.
Baby figs.
