You won't relent until you have it all

Numbers, Numbers, Numbers. The first reading of the book of Numbers was actually really fun because Lottie and I recorded it all! Even dramatized! Well, at least different voices for the different people. There are some obnoxious chapters in Numbers however, Chapter 7 for an example, Chapter 26, and basically the first 9 chapters equal boring, but there also are many good stories in this book. It is really cool to see Moses goes to the Lord every single situation that comes up. After every complaint against him by the Israelites, or complaint against God. Even issues of jealousy of leadership come up, and I don't know why those people wanted to be priests as well, I wouldn't like to sacrifice myriads of animals each day. I love that in the midst of all this rebellion and complaining God still wants his people to reach the promised land, it's just a shame it had to take 38 years instead of mere months because they rebelled. It's also too bad none of the people from the first census were able to go into the promised land except Joshua and Caleb. I hope that I can be like Caleb, with a different spirit.

Numbers made me really ask myself why I ever desire anything or anyone other than our God. He is so good and he is so perfect. He provides all my needs and is always with me. No one else can say any of that is true about them for my life.

This week is looking to be wonderful. We have no class on Monday and therefore Sunday can finally truly be a sabbath day of rest because we can do all our homework for the first class on Monday! So far, this Sunday has been wonderful. I went to church for the 2nd time in India, then walked home in the horrible heat only to find every store closed. For the past 1.5 days all the shops in all of this town have been closed because the people are on strike. The government has been demolishing stores that are built too close to the road. They passed some law about that sometime ago and everything built since then that is too close to the road you often find there one day and the next it's rubble on the ground. Not even a hint of what was once there is left usually. So, it has been tough on us the past day and a half. You seem to crave more outside food when you cannot possibly get it.

Back to the heat. It was so hot today I could not wait to get into my room and take an ice cold shower! Yes we had electricity to heat up water, and we had water! I just needed a cold shower, and it felt wonderful. It'll be nice come summer to look forward to cold showers, but it's already almost unbearably hot for me and my Indian friends tell me the worst is in April and May.

This week there is a team of people, perhaps only 2 people, from Australia that prophesy and pray over people. They travel around to different churches and YWAM bases and just simply pray for the schools and prophesy over the students and leadership. I signed myself up for some time tomorrow with them, and they will be spending an hour with our SBS class on Thursday.

I cannot believe it is already the final week of February and only one month left of this quarter after that. This SBS is going by so fast! At the end of this quarter I am going to Goa with Lottie my English lady-love. I am so excited to go to a beach and just lay on it and be able to wear a swim-suit again hopefully. I'm excited for relaxing with Lottie and relaxing with God. I pray he is at the center of our holiday and we can pray for each other and build each other up while we are there. That it wouldn't be a holiday from God, but with God.

Pray for rest. I am so tired all the time. Even today on my day of rest where I've had more sleep than usual.

Pray for finances. I am getting worried and I shouldn't be.

Pray for patience and grace. This culture is frustrating and so are people here. It's getting to that point where I've been here for awhile now and things that once were endearing are quite the opposite.

Pray for the DTS outreach teams that will soon return! Safe travels and a great debriefing week.

I love you all and think of you often. May our God of peace and strength be with you this week.

Love, love, love.

The long and winding road...

...that leads to the land of the Canaanites. That's right folks. Exodus is finished. I am happy to say I finished all my homework, ahead of the deadline even! I finished it all before lunch on Saturday, so after lunch I was able to go to the lake. Now, I had heard things about this lake and I was very excited to go swimming and show these Indians my swimming skills. Apparently, not many Indians know how to swim, so it was very fun watching one of the DTS students hold up Kalyan, a 26 year old SBS staff member, so he could practice kicking and moving his arms in the water! Oh man. You really do see something new every day in this country. Also, on our way to the lake we hit someone! But it was just the side mirror and the person was drunk, so Kalyan said it was okay. I'm sure that kind of thing happens all the time here. It was pretty crazy. The lake was HUGE! I was expecting this small lake in the middle of a dry field, but it was absolutely huge and it was surrounded by these beautiful mountain-like hill/cliffs. The beach however was rocky and not comfortable, but the Norwegians and I managed to find a small area of sand-like rocks to lay down on our towels in the sun for a few hours. It felt so good to swim again, and I even wore shorts! It's the first time I've worn shorts in public for 5 months now practically. It wasn't even really public, and that's why I was able to. It was quite funny laying in the sun with our t-shirts and pants on. Who knows when I'll ever be able to sun-bathe in just my swimsuit again. God only knows.

I always have thought that I wanted to be like Moses. I wanted to meet with the Lord face to face, like a familiar friend. I want to go near the darkness surrounding the mountain when every one else is terrified and inching away. Now, I still want to experience God like Moses did, but I realized I am totally like Moses. He kept giving God excuses when God was calling him to lead his people out of Egypt. "Why me? Why not someone else?, I don't speak good, They'll never believe you sent me..." and the list goes on. He also has an anger issue. Not that I have an anger issue, but I have other issues that hinder me from obeying God or seeing him face to face. Even now, as I am beginning to think I probably am going to stay here as staff, I still have the excuse of "I don't have any money, I am not good at speaking in front of people, I've never been a leader..." blah, blah, blah. However, all this time I thought in making excuses like this I would never properly see God, but Moses did! Moses constantly questioned the Lord and he still was in his presence more than many other people in the Bible.

Also, some funny things about Exodus. When the Israelites tell Aaron to make them other gods, Aaron clearly collects their gold, puts it in a fire, and molds it into a calf. So, Moses comes down from the mountain and sees them worshiping these idols and his anger problem flares up and he yells at Aaron, and Aaron says the greatest thing ever...He tells Moses he collected the gold cause the people wanted idols, threw it in the fire, and this calf just came out! Like, he didn't do anything, he took the gold out of the fire and it just was in the image of a calf.

This morning I went to my first ever Indian church service. I know it has been 4.5 months since I've been here pretty much, and this was my first time going. It reminded me of the small church services we attended in the Czech Republic, except this was in English, and I knew half the people there. Worship was great. Kalyan can really sing, who knew? He played my guitar, and I saw that he took his scooter and became a little wary of him bringing my guitar on a scooter in India, but if there's anyone I'd trust with my guitar on a scooter it would be him. I think that Kalyan is a character that has yet to be introduced to this India story of mine. I will tell you that he is former SBS staff here on this campus and is working on helping pioneer an SBS in North India which should start in September. He's from South India, and is very funny and very fun. He took us to the lake! I've been here for 4.5 months and didn't even know about this lake until Kalyan came to visit.

At the end of this quarter I hope to travel to Goa with my lady-love, Lottie. Picture this...a week on the beach. Literally. Eating fish, reading books, laughing like anything, discussing how funny it is she's finishing SBS and I'm staffing. Both things we were not going to do at the beginning of SBS.

I have recently become addicted to Cadbury's Dairy Milk Fruit & Nut chocolate bars. Picture this...a bar of chocolate with nuts. Assorted nuts. Almonds and cashews. I like this because I'm not such a big fan of peanuts in chocolate. However, I do love peanut butter with chocolate. Anyway, this chocolate bar also has raisins in it. I love them so much. I cannot stop eating them. I think I need to seek counsel from the School of Addictive Behaviors going on this quarter.

I am going crazy here without a camera. If anyone has a nice camera they're not using and wants to mail it to me, that would be wonderful. The camera I had 1st quarter broke and now I am camera-less.

Valentine's Day came and went as if it was any ordinary day. As the years go by Valentine's Day becomes less and less of a big deal to me. They build it up so much during the school years. Forcing you to bring valentine's to class for everyone or no one which is nice actually because no one feels left out, but then Junior High School comes and you can send carnations to people. You can imagine this now, in home room on the morning of V-day, passing out carnations, and some people are getting like 6-10 carnations, and others zero. I'll admit, I always got one or two, from my close friends at the time, but still. There were people with nothing. How sad is that? I am so happy to be a part of this family of God. He gave me not only carnations, but roses, sunflowers, mountains, rivers, oceans, sunsets, sunrises, snow, deserts, jungles, chocolate, strawberries, whole grains, milk, ice cream, and best of all he gave me his only Son, his only child, he gave his Son's life for me. That's the best gift of love that ever was given. This morning at church Kalyan asked us all what love is exactly and then we read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which you all know fairly well, "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not self-seeking..." all these things that I know I need to brush up on all of them, but that's what love is. That is not how this world sees love, but it's how love was meant to be. That is true love.

I wasn't prepared for this

I have been sick for the last week pretty much, well, tomorrow it will have been a week, unless I miraculously wake up feeling 100% better! I haven't felt hungry all day, yet I've been eating cause I haven't ate so much in the past week. I'll admit I am feeling 10 times better today than I have in the previous 5 days, but this seems to be wearing me down and on top of all this illness we have just begun the old testament. This week started off with Genesis and I wasn't prepared because I was sick all weekend and behind on homework, and now I'm frantically trying to catch up and here I am writing in this instead of doing homework (great time management skills Sarah). Another piece of straw on the camel's back is our speaker this week who happens to be a very, very intelligent man who seems to be fluent in Hebrew and knows everything there is to know about Genesis. Unfortunately, he has not ever taught in an SBS before really. He hasn't prepared any notes and is just talking in circles about the same things over and over and speaking in Hebrew more than English I think. Needless to say, the information we desperately need from lectures is not coming, and instead of the usual 3 days of lectures this week, we're having 4! That means even less time to do assignments, and if any of you understand this, I have 38 charts I need to finish by Friday night of which I am on number 11 right now and haven't even color-coded Genesis yet cause of my illness. One could say I'm a little stressed out and discouraged about this quarter starting off on the wrong foot.

I am also feeling a heaviness and exhaustion I have not experienced before. I really think most of the students are feeling this as well. I was so passionate last quarter, and since I've been back I've been a little slacker and now this is the time I need to get in gear really and actually schedule my time to finish a zillion charts in mere hours. I think that because every single one of us continued after 1st quarter perhaps Satan is pushing us down with his thumb into the ground. Most SBS's lose a few students after first quarter.

Which leads to another thing. We are losing one of our students! Alem, a wonderful, beautiful-hearted man who loves others so well and really understands serving people. He is going to leave us soon as he has not been home for a long time because he has been doing school after school after school. At least he finished new testament, but he will be missed dearly. Pray God gives him rest and blesses his time with his family and reveals next steps for him. He really has a heart for the School of Worship and wants to staff here this September in that school.

As for me, I desperately need money and prayer for my health, stress, anxiety, depression, and also I am still on the fence about the whole staffing SBS here thing.

Now, onto happier things for the rest of this entry:

I have been praying for dreams from the Lord about anything he wants to reveal to me. A few nights ago I dreamt I was at Barnes and Noble and kept running into all my closest friends, but I was hurriedly saying hello and good-bye to them, because though I was not employed at this Barnes and Noble, I was a frequent customer and they asked me to work in the Starbucks Cafe there because all the employees' shifts ended at the same time with no one scheduled to fill in. So, I was supposed to work in this cafe, by myself. I had never worked in a Coffee shop before! (actually at home I did for 2 days in real life and it was the most stressful/nervous time of my life!) So as you can see it was stressful in my dream and I did not know how I was going to do this. I walked into the Cafe and sitting at one of the tables was Ryan Gosling as his character in The Notebook, Noah. Now Noah had worked in the Cafe for many years and was an expert in all things coffee. However, he would not show me how to do anything and I sat next to him all stressed out and asked him how I was going to do this. He looked at me and smiled and simply said that I would be fine and everything would work out. He told me not to worry about anything, then he randomly throws in this, "you know, my entire life I have never been fully satisfied by anything I've tasted."

Then I woke up.

I have determined the coffee shop is the old testament. I don't know how I am going to complete this week let alone this quarter. This week the speaker is not helping in anything he has told us so I feel unprepared and since this is the first book of the OT I have never studied these books before inductively!

I think Noah is just perhaps a wise person who has already done SBS or has been studying the Bible their whole life who just encouraged me to just do it and continue and not worry. It'll be fine. Everything will work out. Him saying he's never been fully satisfied by anything he ate or tasted most likely means, though he's been studying the Bible his entire life he still hungers for more of it and God continues to give more and more new things to him through the words, but he still wants more and more.

That's my own interpretation of my dream.

For those of you who don't know me so well, I usually always have celebrities in my dreams. I secretly think that means I'll be famous some day. Ha!

Lately I think I am so exhausted because I have not been resting in God. I have been resting a lot, but not with God. Not in his presence. He is the only thing that can truly refresh my weary body.

I was really encouraged this morning by Psalm 138. It's only 9 verses. Pick up your Bible and read it.