Get me out of this cavern or I'll cave in

I was blessed with a wonderful job when I came home, however change in management has created the most stressful work situation I have ever known. If anyone out there knows of a job available temporarily through June, please let me know. I have work experience in childcare for 6 years, about a year of retail, and now four months of restaurant service and grocery store cashier!

I am getting more and more excited about going back to India, which in turn ends up making me more and more nervous about returning. It's going to be a whole different ball game being staff than it was being the student. Sure I thought the latter was a lot of work, but I actually think the former might be more! I just am glad I won't have to chart anymore. The thing that terrifies me is teaching and leading people, young women especially, deeper into the character and Spirit of God. Yikes. Talk about pressure! I am happy to know that when I'm over there I won't be doing anything in my own strength or wisdom, but it will definitely be 100% God working through me.

Right now I am set on paying off my credit card by June. That is my goal. I don't even have a goal of any money saved up before I go back. So, please continue praying that my debt gets miraculously paid off and that I am able to have some money in the bank before I go back. If you need a baby-sitter or know of anyone else who needs one. Or you need someone to do your laundry, house-sit, dog-sit, cat-sit, gerbil-sit. Need someone to water your plants, rake your yard, shovel the snow. Whatever you don't want to do, pay me, I'll most likely do it. It will be completely for my trip and God's plan for the next 2 years. He wants to equip the future pastors of India with the truth and clean out their minds of all the false teachings they have heard in the last few decades. India is also full of different cults and religions. A lot of false teachers in the shape of gurus and spiritual enlightening groups. There are gods and idols everywhere you turn. You can't buy anything that hasn't been first offered to some tiny deity. India needs the Way, the Truth, and the Life that is found in Jesus Christ alone.

I am still trying to process things I have learned during my SBS but it's hard to know where to begin. I have a two foot high pile of assignments from those nine months and even more notes on my laptop that I want to read again. I just don't know where to begin.

Thank the Lord for an opportunity in the morning to share about YWAM and its many opportunities to make God known throughout the world. Grace Fellowship is having a weekend of ministries and missionaries sharing their experiences and opportunities for people to get involved and make a difference. I want to meet people tomorrow and form relationships and connections to share what God is doing in India, or at least in Maharashtra through his servants there.

I pray you all remain healthy this wonderful holiday season. That God would speak to you in new ways and nudge you in new directions, or old directions you forgot about.

Hungry I come to you

I cannot believe I have already been home for about three months! It has been quite the emotional roller coaster since I've been home. It's always difficult to leave the ones you have grown to love intimately in the past nine months. People I grew with, people I made mistakes in front of, people who know me better than anyone else right now. People I did not even know existed 13 months ago. Yes, it has been one year since I first set foot in India. The country that scared me more than anything else, but now I call "home."

I'm not exactly sure how it came to be that I fell in love with India. The people, the places, the customs. Sure, some of it...a lot of it is still very overwhelming and incomprehensible at times but that's what makes living in India so exciting and full of eye and mind opening experiences. The people there are so community minded, family minded, and it's very hard to come back to a very individualistic culture. I have found myself depressed many times here because I'm never around anyone anymore. Every one is at work when I'm at home and then my family and friends are home when I'm at work. At least at work I still get to be surrounded by Indian people and Indian culture. Yes, I have found a job at an Indian restaurant/grocery in Maple Grove called Curry Up. Come on down if you are in the area! We have good Indian food!

A lot of changes are happening in my life right now. I have realized that I don't need priorities. That only stresses me out. I need to seek FIRST the kingdom of God and everything else will be added. That's the only time Jesus speaks on "priorities" and it isn't even called a priority. It's the first and only thing to do basically. I want to figure out what this means in my life and figure out how to see myself through God's eyes. My head and heart need a lot of healing, cleaning out, and organizing. I hope to begin this journey of finding myself, seeking Him first, and how in the world to apply all the things I have learned studying the Bible in the past year. I also don't want to stop studying His words. That is one reason why I wish to staff SBS for two years. So I don't discontinue digging deeper into His wisdom and His story (History!).

Come back for more updates on how I am doing in this process, this journey of limbo between SBS student and SBS staff. I have a feeling it's going to be life changing like only our wonderful Maker does best! I just hope that I do my best to love him and love others while I'm home.

I'm a long way from home, and so all alone

I am here in Maple Grove, Minnesota sitting on the couch watching The Office. It is hard to be away from India. I miss the people. I miss the country. I really miss life in India. Fortunately, as an answer to prayers, God has blessed me with a job almost immediately after coming home. I believe I only had one week of no job after coming back. I now work at Curry Up Indian Grocery and Restaurant in Maple Grove. I mostly work in the restaurant part and it is really fun! I like the people I work with and I love seeing so many Indian people again.

Being home has been great. It has been hard, but I know it is exactly what I need and I hope that while I am home God will speak to me about what's really next for me. I also need to take some time to start processing all the things I've learned during SBS. I want to start applying the timeless truths. I want to continue studying the Bible here even though it has been quite difficult to pick up a Bible again since the graduation.

I feel a bit out of place being back home just because I'm not keen on the latest music, movies, or even news stories that happened within the last nine months. There were marriages, engagements, some new-comers welcomed into families, and also some good-byes were said in others. A lot has changed and some things have stayed the same. It has been amazing eating good old American home cooking again! I have missed Turkey and most dairy products. It's amazing how much we take for granted here like having electricity all day every day, and having hot water whenever you want it.

Right now I'm working on my job, beginning to read through the New Testament again, and also my application for staffing for the SBS in India for the next 2 years. I plan to go back to India in January and stay there for two years. I'm praying for support and encouragement and confirmation for staffing there and also confirmation and encouragement hopefully in other areas of my life.

It is good to be in the United States with a different mindset and outlook on our freedom. We really are lucky and privileged to be citizens of such a free, advanced country.

A hard rain's a-gonna fall

Monsoon has begun. Not the horrible all day for weeks rain, but it has begun to rain every single day at least for a little while each day. It's nice because our clothes still dry quickly, and the temperature has cooled down a lot. Praise God for that! I was getting ready to die of heat stroke.

It is the final week of SBS. There are exactly 3 days left until I graduate! Time has flown by faster than I ever thought possible. It is quite humorous and of course completely a good idea to end this SBS with three wisdom books. Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, and Proverbs. Yes we've learned a lot and studied historical backgrounds galore, but that is all knowledge. This is wisdom. Practical things to do in order to apply that knowledge we have gained. When we finish this school we must go back into the world making wise choices. We must set an example like Paul did for Timothy and so many other young disciples of Paul. Like the Israelites did for all the surrounding nations, but also not like the Israelites did when they constantly worshiped other gods and idols instead of the one true God. When I leave here and come home, I want to be an example. I want to be passionate about what I've learned and pass it on to people at home.

There also seems to be a running theme this final week of SBS which is marriage and life partner. This is a huge thing in India. Everyone looks forward to getting married and a common question to be asked is when you want to get married. People really say "in two years I will get married" or "in one year I'll get married" however, they at that time, do not have a significant other. It's so crazy how heavily ingrained marriage is in these people's minds. It mostly has to do with the fact that most marriages are arranged here in India. Even Christian ones. It's rare to hear of a "love" marriage, and when I do hear of one I get very excited. However, it's a bit overwhelming most of the time when people keep talking about marriage, love, etc. That is not what life is all about.

On Friday for graduation I am going to wear a tribal skirt from Nagaland instead of a Sari. I would have loved to wear a Sari, but since i already wore one for Christmas, I thought I'd choose a different type of custom dress from the Northeast part of India. It is a beautiful skirt with green and pink stripes on the top and bottom. The skirt itself is black in color, and the tribe it comes from is called Angami. I'll be sure to put up pictures in a few days!

I will soon be home and am anxious, nervous, sad, excited, and ready to come home for a season. Pray that the transition won't take too long and that I can catch up on my sleep quickly. Also, pray that I find a full-time job very soon after getting to Minnesota. Pray for wisdom and discernment for some big decisions in my life soon, but also pray that they don't overwhelm me or seem so huge. God is bigger than these decisions.

Love you all! See some of you soon!

Litte did I know that I almost let you go until I caught a glimpse of life without you

Judah was ridiculous. I mean, they saw Israel spiral downwards until they eventually were exiled to Assyria and mixed with other people groups so that they eventually became the Samarians that Jews hated! Can you imagine! Even though Judah saw their sister Israel end up in such a horrible wreck, they followed in her footsteps. They even took it a few steps farther and ended up making Israel seem like a saint compared to Judah's sin and idolatry. Ezekiel sees a very clear picture of God's heart for the house of Judah in his book. Not just once, but many times over and over again. Especially chapter 23 talking about Oholah and Oholibah. The two adulteress sisters. God makes it very, very clear in the Old Testament that when we have idols in our lives it's like we are prostituting ourselves. We're being unfaithful to God. It's graphic, but it gets the point across I think. It is serious when we put things before God.

I am so thrilled to be done with Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel. The major prophets. The big books. We have no more big books left for SBS! Just some minor prophets and the wisdom literature (Ecclesiastes, Proverbs, and Song of Songs or Solomon, whichever you prefer). And of all 66 books in the entire Bible we have 7 left. Seven! The perfect number. Ahhh. What a wonderful place to be in. We will be studying Daniel and Haggai this upcoming week. Daniel is one of my favorite stories. Not only because of the lion's den, but also Shadrach, Mechach, and Abednego.

I can tell you right now I think that I won't miss Hindi music for a while after I go home. That's for sure. Music is bigger here than in the States if you can imagine that. Music is the defining factor for everyone's life. They use their phones as music players like no other nation I've seen. We use iPods even though most of our phones now are fully capeable of holding and playing music. Yet here, they constantly have music playing from their phones in their pockets while they're walking down the street, or riding their bike, or on the local train (at least they'll use headphones on the train). Every store has music blaring, coffee shops, everywhere. Rickshaw drivers have music playing, taxi drivers, weddings are constantly going on with huge groups of people dancing in the street to a giant speaker sound system playing music loud as anything.

I am ready to go home, but excited for the next chapter of my life. Keep your eyes open for a full-time job for me when I get home. One that does not involve children preferably.

I don't know exactly what I will do with my time after SBS. I might go insane, or I might actually sleep for one entire week straight to make up for the endless hours of sleep I have lost these past 9 months. The date of my return is not being released to the public cause I want time to refresh and renew before I see people, so if you ask I most likely won't tell you.

My brother, Jonny joined the marines a few months back and went off to boot camp on Monday, please keep him in your prayers as the Marines has one of the toughest trainings.

Pray for my last three weeks that I'd focus on school work and not on distractions and it's hard to spend time with homework when I'm leaving in three weeks and just want to spend time with people.

I miss you all, and cannot wait to see you very soon! Within the next two months I'll be home.

Love, love, love.

Once there was a way to get back homeward

God is completely, wholly, and eternally wonderful. He is too good to me. Why should I be surprised when he actually answers my prayers? I am not surprised any longer. I am thankful, grateful, excited, happy, and fearful of the Lord my God who is faithful and listens to my cries for mercy. He is merciful. He is gracious. He is my provider and my strength in times of stress and doubt. Why worry?

I am faced right now with a decision to make. There are many options. I have narrowed it down to three options. So, please pray that God would speak to me and show me his desire in my life. The concrete thing for after SBS is coming home. However, the thought of Minnesota is not in a homely way anymore. It is more like I'm going to see my family and friends. Lonavala seems to have slowly seeped into my heart and mind as "home." So, anyway, I am coming home to Minnesota for six months at the very least. Now, my goal is to be back in India in January, after the New Year. My two options for coming back to India are 1) Joining Arts With A Mission (AWAM) which I have talked about plenty on here. Or else 2) Begin staffing the next SBS in its second - third quarter then staff one more full SBS the following September. I hope to know before I go back to Minnesota which to come back for. My third option is not to come back to India at all. Please pray for me and let me know if you get anything from the Lord.

I also need to find a full-time job almost immediately upon returning home so if you know of anything, mostly not involving children, please let me know! If you don't know of any job opportunity, then please simply pray that God would already begin to open a door.

And yes, I'm going to say it, I need prayer about a relationship that God has placed into my lap with a wonderful man here in India. We both need wisdom, discernment, and confirmation if this is God's desire for our lives. I mean, we are not officially in a relationship as of yet, but this of course is also influencing my decision to come back to India, and I'm afraid that if I come back it's also like I'm choosing this man, I'm choosing this relationship, I am choosing most likely my husband. That is the scariest thing in the world to me. I am afraid of commitment.

It is getting so hot here. I cannot barely cope with every day living. I sweat like anything when I brush my teeth! The thought of power cuts makes me go crazy. It's funny how a fan makes the heat way more bearable. Ceiling fans are one of the greatest inventions ever. They will be a big part of my life in the future. I think every room in the house should have a ceiling fan. Who needs A/C when you have ceiling fans? All of you in Minnesota, really, you have it good. I'd much rather be in the heat there now than here. Because of this heat I am tired all the time. I always want to sleep. I am thankful to be in India and do love this country and it's Indian Summers. Now I fully understand that phrase, if it was not actually spoken about India and Native Americans, then it fits well into the Indian side of things as well.

There are only 36 days left of SBS. Of course I'm counting! I am ready to be done with charting for the rest of my life. Of course I'll still study the Bible, however I will never chart again! Ba ha ha ha ha ha. As a staff member I will get to grade the student's charts and lead a small group. How wonderful will SBS be as staff? The only thing that scares me is teaching, but I think maybe God did put the desire to be SBS staff into my heart for a reason the first quarter, even if I lost sight of it for a few months.

Well, I think that's about all I need prayer for and all that is turning the wheels inside my mind. Onto bigger and better things this week! We're studying Jeremiah. I think I might cry. I mean, Isaiah was built up as this huge book no one ever completes, but I found it a lot easier than expected. I just hope Jeremiah is the same. I'm looking forward to finishing the big books. I cannot believe there are only 2 giant books left for us to study in SBS! Jeremiah and Ezekiel. The rest are "snacks" as our school leader described them Tuesday morning.

I hope you all are doing well adjusting to your weather changes. Just know that however hot it gets there it's more hot here, so be thankful and rejoice always!

I'm broken and I'm colder than her

The much anticipated week of Isaiah is over halfway done with. Am I caught up with my homework? No. Am I hurting a lot? Yes. Is Isaiah a crazy book? Most definitely. So far it is my favorite prophet. It is huge though, and can seem overwhelming to the untrained eye, but to the almost veteran SBSer it's a happily welcomed challenge! This week did not start out on the right foot however. I woke up early Monday morning, excited and ready to tackle this giant book of sin, judmgent, and restoration however I received an e-mail from my mother informing me of my Grandpa's passing just the night before. It was not the happiest news to wake up to the first day of Isaiah, but I was okay. I did not have much time to dwell on this information, so I did okay the first two days of the week. Yesterday however I was reminded of school fees due by Friday, of which I have no money to offer. I also was reminded of a credit card payment past due. Two very overwhelming things stacked on top of the grief of my grandfather passing away and the burden of Isaiah's assignments. I tried to sit down to start my homework for the day yesterday, but stared blankly at the page and decided I needed to pray. I went up to my empty room and then the rivers of tears flowed. Oh how they flowed. I finally had time to mourn and express my feelings to the Lord. After a while of sobbing and crying out to God I picked myself up, well, God helped pick me up, and then I went to my school leader to just share what is going on in my head and my heart this week. He said he could not do much, but he could push back the school fee deadline for me and that would relieve some of the stress. Then, he prayed for me which was wonderful. In times like this especially, I need prayer, and I am the type of person who doesn't ask for it even when I desperately need it. I don't know why I do that, but I just don't ask.

So, to conclude my seemingly awful day yesterday, it started of okay, climaxed into an outburst of emotion and tears, then quietly concluded in a peaceful, restful even evening.

Today I look forward to more teaching on Isaiah and cannot wait until lunch when I'm free to work on homework until the deadline Saturday evening.

This weekend I am so excited to go to Pune and stay with my dear friend Karen for one of the final times before she goes to Jaipur to staff a DTS. This means I won't see her again before I go home, but I am so excited for her to staff this DTS! I also will be making tacos with Merete my Norwegian counter-part on Sunday! We have some friends here who have never eaten tacos before. Can you believe that? So, we hope that the sole import grocery store in Pune has all the ingredients needed like taco seasoning and sour cream. Fingers crossed. Also, Sunday seems to be the Norwegian National Day, so we'll also be indulging in some ice cream and donning some sweet Norwegian flag pins. Excellent.

Pray for finances. I need $353 in one month. God will provide. Will he use YOU?

Pray that I would invite the Holy Spirit into my assignments so I don't just go through the motions of charting and I would actually experience God in these assignments. I realized I have been doing them out of my own strength the past few weeks, and I want to only do them out of God's strength. With his insight, not my own.

I feel as if God is stripping everything away from me so that for the first time in my life I really only have him to lean on. It reminds me of Isaiah where he says over and over again that he simply wants Israel to rely only on him and not other nations to save them. It's like the same with me. I have no money, I get no rest, food is not nourishing, and I have lost myself in the Bible most days of the week, but my mind has lost itself in worry and doubt. I need prayer of focus and desire to invite God into sharing my assignment load.

Also, if you wish, you can throw a party on Sunday because then I'll be free of the burden of Isaiah. It's a wonderful burden to carry and I am certainly seeing many, many characteristics of God, but it's just overwhelming to basically write your own commentary on the entire Bible in 9 months, and 7.5 months into it makes a girl go a little crazy.

Sorry there haven't been many pictures in awhile. I still have not received the camera in the mail and am actually a little worried since they sent it well over a month ago. Pray that it arrives safe and sound soon.

I've been known to fall in love

My friend told me the other day he wanted me to be careful playing volleyball because I oftentimes get hurt when I do, however, today walking up the stairs I fell and square the center of my knee cap with the edge of one marble step. Excellent. I now have a giant bump on my knee that is a strange shade of early sunrise blue. Even more excellent.

Conclusion, walking up stairs is more dangerous than playing volleyball.

This week our speaker is from the mid-west of the states and enjoys talking about judgment and sowing good or bad seeds, then reaping what you sow. She talked of how a lone man thought Hurricane Katrina was God's judgment coming down on New Orleans for its past of debauchery, slaves, and pirates. She said that he was like the voice crying out in the wilderness, that it was sad no other Christians came and spoke with him and supported him! She spoke of how her ex-husband had cheated on her and lived with another woman while they were married and God defended her by giving the other woman 2 miscarriages and cervical cancer. Now, I have not fully grasped God's character so far in studying the Bible, but these things do not sit right with me. These things make me angry in fact. I know God judged nations and people before Christ came. I know God also sent prophets and judges to those nations and people to warn them or save them even of what was coming and to hopefully turn their hearts to God and repentance. However, when Christ came he was the final prophet like that maybe. Calling not just one single people group or nation to repent, but the entire world. Throughout all time! So now, we are with our grace all the time. We have this new covenant. This new grace. We have the blood of Jesus, and I don't know if God pours his wrath on unrepentant cities anymore because Jesus came and took that old covenant curse upon himself for everyone. Needless to say, this week has been quite a rough one spiritually. I feel as if I'm wrestling with too many things and to top it all off we have this speaker, who really is a wonderful woman, but I just do not agree with her view on things.

Conclusion, I am not a republican, and I never will be. Also, FOX news is off the menu for the rest of my life.

Next week begins Isaiah. This is it. A major prophet. A major time-consuming prophet. I do not even know what I will do with myself next week. I mean, I know what I'll be doing, but is it possible? Will I complete Isaiah? Will I force myself into using my time wisely? Will I die of sheer exhaustion? This book might drain the life out of my bones! My heart may or may not stop beating next week, and if it does, I just want you all to know it was worth it, and I would do it all over again if I had the chance. Not really. SBS is tough. If I had known before coming here what I was getting myself into I would not have come. It's good to be ignorant sometimes. If I had known what India was like I would not have come either. Now that I've been somewhat held captive here for the past 7.5 months, I have fallen in love with India, and I can say that I'm glad SBS is almost over and I certainly am glad I've done it! I wouldn't do it over again, but sure am glad to almost be done. That was just like a synonymous parallelism. Excellent. Making use of my figure of speech terms for the prophets.

Conclusion, SBS is hard, but worth it.

Thanks to my Soul-mate I think I have discovered the best new musician in my life for a while. He is known as City and Colour. His real name is Dallas (city) Green (color). Dallas Green. Apparently he used to be in a punk rock band, and now he's solo and acoustic/folk! He is wonderful and his voice is quite haunting. His songs are catchy. His heart is real. Plus, who can resist a tattooed man playing banjo and guitar? No one. Not even one.

Conclusion, you should all check out City and Colour. Especially the song "The Girl" and "Constant Knot". Although, all others are good as well.

Pray that I get $353 dollars by next Friday to pay for the final half of my quarter. Then that's it! I'm halfway done with the third and final quarter of SBS! I'll be home in no time!

Pray that my heart and body and soul starts getting prepared right now to go home. The United States of America seems less appealing and more complicated the more I think about going home. I love my country, however, it's going to be very different when I get home. I will be different, whereas the country has not changed so much. Except that we have a new president.

Pray that I get enough rest the next month and a half and that I do not burn out. I'm almost there! I'd hate to burn out this close to the end of SBS.

Thank you for all your prayers and support and encouragement. Please don't cease from leaving comments or shooting off short e-mails. I like to hear what you're up to as well.

Beautiful one I love you

Something wonderful is happening here. Something I never expected when coming to this country. Something that came as quite a surprise. Something beautiful. Something that fills me with many doubts and also much courage. Something that needs a lot of explaining. Something that requires a lot of prayer. Something I think I might want to pursue...or pursue me.

SBS is quickly coming to a close. Only 2 months remain and I wonder how the time has flown by. Where does time go after it is gone? Did I use my time here wisely? Not all of it. Am I still in the game? Yes, I am still in the game. I am still passing my tests. I am still passing my books. I am terrified to do Isaiah, Jeremaiah, and Ezekiel. Mostly because they're so huge and the homework will be overwhelming. I am so excited for studying the prophets. They write the way I like. Figures of speech, imagery, parallelism. Ahhh. How I love those prophets. We also have Proverbs and Song of Songs thrown in there.

Yesterday I was able to go to a resort nearby just to swim all day and lay in the sun and wear an actual swimsuit...or "swimming costume" in Indian talk. Ha ha! I ate a chicken cheeseburger and it was wonderful. It's funny how the simplest things can bring you so much joy when even they are few and far between. At home, I'd swim every day and not realize how relaxing and wonderful it is, but here, this being my first time swimming in a pool since I arrived in India last September...it was glorious! I'm even sunburned!

I have begun a strict, or not so strict, but more frequent work-out regimen. Mostly being more active here. I try to go running every other morning for 30 minutes and then we've all started playing volleyball every evening for 1-2 hours. It is so much fun! I have been made team captain. Whatever that means. I don't get to choose who is on my team, and I don't have any say in anything. I think it just means I must encourage an cheer on my team all the time. It's been a good way to spend time with students from other schools and have fun with them.

I feel as if God is preparing me for something. What that something is I have no idea, but something good of course. I have a good Father. He wants me to be ready for something big, something good, something inconceivable. If there's anything that has been repeated over and over and over and over again this quarter so far it's "mission possible" all things are possible through Christ. Completing SBS is possible. Facing this new huge decision is possible. Hearing from God is possible. Getting money to pay for my school is possible. Surviving this heat is possible. And believe me, those who know me know I'm not a huge fan of goofy catch phrases we throw around, but I know the heart behind it is good and it is actually a great encouragement for YWAMers, Philipians 4:13, but we must not simply throw that verse around without knowing the context and purpose behind its original meaning. Wow, I'm such an SBS student.

I am very sad to leave this place. I try not to think about it because it just makes me depressed. I always get depressed when I know I'm leaving somewhere I feel I belong and when the date of leaving is quickly approaching the present.

Pray I don't get depressed these next 2 months.

Pray I receive funds to pay for my final half of the quarter. I need $353 dollars. Praise the Lord he provided for me 3 weeks ago when I needed the first half! The exact amount I needed in a matter of one day!

Pray that our class doesn't get burned out and that we are wise with our time and energy these next two months.

Pray I would have discernment in making decisions God wants me to make, and that he would give me the courage to walk out those decisions.

You sacrifice so much of your life in order for this to work

Masala tea is the best tea in the whole world. I do not know how I ever enjoyed chai before coming to India. Now the chai at home seems dull although it is more flavorful at home than here, I would not even consider the stuff at home "chai."

Life has many surprises and exciting things in store for all of us. I look at the Bible in a different light now. Whenever I begin to do my assignments and go back and forth from the computer screen to the Bible I see the Bible as a book. Like a real book. A novel that someone wrote with these stories in it of history. It is hard to imagine sometimes that these people actually existed and these events actually took place! For example when Jehu becomes king of Israel, he is the first king since the divided kingdom who actually does what God wants him to do and obeys the covenant for the most part. He kills off the entire house of Ahab who was king 3 kings before Jehu and Ahab had married Jezebel the epitome of evil and was the "worst" king Israel had seen thus-far. Anyway, Jehu wrote these letters to the people who were serving the sons of Ahab, 70 sons in all, and told them to bring him the heads of the sons by the next day, and sure enough these servants brought 70 heads to Jehu in baskets the very next day! This stuff actually happened?!?! It is so unreal sometimes. Someone seriously needs to make a movie about the entire old testament. There are so many good stories here.

The mosquitoes are getting unbearable here. At least we have none in our room at night, but to talk on the phone out in the hall late at night is like my worst nightmare. I feel as if the mosquitoes have followed me from Minnesota to Maharashtra. They are the same size, but these ones are so much faster. They're a super-breed of mosquitoes that never die and always bite over and over and over again. It's a wonder I have not contracted some sort of blood-borne pathogen by now.

I will be home in approximately 75 days. That still seems like a long time when I count by days, but if I count by weeks, 11, it seems short, and months, 2.5, seems even shorter. I am excited to come home, but I am not excited to leave this place that has slowly become my home. It has also quickly become my home. How does somewhere slowly and quickly arrive at the same place in my heart? I am not sure, but I do know that as much as I want to go home I want to stay here. If money was no issue I would stay here no doubt about it. I think I might be falling in love with more than just this place. It will be good to come home for a little while though. To get my head on straight about coming back and if I still desire to come here after paying off my credit card of doom, then I will know that this truly is where God wants me. I just pray that certain things are true, real, and holy. Completely from the Lord and not from my own heart and desires, unless those match up with God's heart and desire for my life.

This second week of the final quarter is just about over, and it seems to be going by just as fast, if not faster than the previous two quarters. We start Nehemiah today and I plan on finishing it tonight. I am going to Pune tomorrow for much needed girl time with Karen my favorite Goan from the first quarter's DTS. Also, for a much needed break before the prophets begin next week. Dun dun dun... I am so excited for the prophets and it seems as though I thought I was done with Kings and Chronicles forever, but no, my adventure through the Kings has just begun now that we're about to get into the prophets. Who knew the prophets all fell into the timeline of Kings and Chronicles. I also never knew Chronicles pretty much repeats Kings from a different perspective and they only focus on the Kings of Judah, not the Kings of Israel.

I set you as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. - Hebrews 4:16

This week so far in Goa has been the most relaxing and refreshing week of my life. I have never in my 23 years of living set aside an entire week to rest in the Lord. It is the fourth commandment! Resting is mentioned over and over again in the Bible and as Christians I know we feel like now that we live under the "new covenant" we no longer need to rest. That is a part of Moses' law, not our law. How far from the truth can we get?! The author of Hebrews stresses the fact that we still have not entered that rest promised to Israel thousands of years ago. If the rest God promised had truly been conquering the promised land then God would have stopped speaking of rest after Joshua (Hebrews 4:8). We must strive to enter this rest. I regret to say too often I go weeks and weeks without simply taking one day to rest and not do anything that needs to get done. It is especially hard during this school to find time to rest with my Maker. I am thankful that he is always there and when I have time to rest he is more than happy to welcome me into his rest. This week has been accompanied by much needed rest and relaxation. I have been able to sit in silence. I have been able to take a nap whenever I feel the need. I have been blessed beyond measure here in Goa, and I have been here a mere 5 days. I am sad to see this week quickly melt by, but I am leaving with a new attitude. A more pure heart. A strengthened mind. A willingness to study God's word again without complaining (hopefully). I feel prepared for this final quarter. I feel confident in my decision to come home after SBS at least for a season, and I feel confident so far in my decision to come back to India after some things are taken care of back home.

I have stumbled across this beautiful cat here who I have kept in a bag for a little while, and now I am beginning to let people peer inside this bag. I have not let the cat out completely yet, but I think there will be a time and a place for that. Who knows, maybe the cat does not really exist and I am just imagining things and maybe I am letting feelings tell me false realities. However, life is full of surprises and I sure do enjoy surprises.

When I return to home base this weekend schoolwork will begin almost immediately. We will be studying 1 and 2 Kings the first week back, and I am excited because we do not have to do the usual assignment of charting. We will be writing summaries of all the kings in Kings amongst other things... I have thoroughly enjoyed the old testament so far. Especially Moses and David. Reading 1 and 2 Samuel was wonderful and I saw many things I never noticed before in the text and in David and Saul's lives. They were so different, and David had to do a lot of terrified waiting as God's Anointed before he finally received the crown. Even after Saul died David had to wait a long time and run from his own son who usurped the throne from him. Yet David was always forgiving and never held any grudges. What a king David was, and yet he was merely a shadow and a sketch of Christ who is the perfect, ultimate King.

It is funny that I have been praying and praying for finances and God keeps giving me riches that are not of this world. It's not yet time for me to have earthly riches, but as long as I am rich with his blessings I should not have to worry about finances. He certainly is providing other needs. I remember beginning this year with titling it as my "Year of Hope." and I think I have lost sight of that hope I started off this year with. It is nice to take time to remember this and here is a wonderful quote from Henri Nouwen I stumbled across today about hope:

Hope is based on the premise that the other gives only what is good. Hope includes an openness by which you wait for the other to make his loving promise come true, even though you never know when, where or how this might happen.

Pray for finances. I need $353 dollars in one week. I have maybe $70 in my checking account.

Pray for things heard here in Goa to continue ringing in my ears throughout the next 3 months so that I do not lose heart. I tend to lose heart near the end of commitments.

Pray for Diane who runs this retreat center. She is amazing and from Minnesota and consequentially grew up with my mother's family! She has been a HUGE blessing, so pray that she would be blessed and remain healthy.

Pray for Lottie and I to have safe travels back to Pune on Friday night/Saturday morning. We are taking the train and I am a little worried. 12 hours sleeping overnight on a train in India? That does not spell "peace" to me. But God is on my side, what can man do to me?

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

Here are some pictures from India. The first few are in Goa which is the south bordering state of Maharashtra (the state I'm going to school in). Goa is known for its beaches and tourist attractions. I am here with Lottie for our one week of holiday resting and relaxing at a wonderful retreat center coincidentally run by a Minnesotan who grew up with my Mother's family! The few pictures after that are during HOLI week. AKA the festival of colors where people wearing white or light colors are the targets for colorful dye to be thrown at. After the colorful pictures you will see a picture of a traditional Indian worship service, Christian that is, but singing Bhajans which are Hindi songs of worship. Not HINDU, but HINDI. The common language of India. We are worshiping God of course.

Bum Bum Bole!!

I love David. Okay, I know I also loved Paul, then once Paul died I fell for John, and then John died, and then I loved Moses, well, now Moses is dead too and we have David. King David. This week we are studying 1 and 2 Samuel. There is so much homework and I have no desire to do any of it. Not because I don't like the book, just because the homework is so time consuming and I feel as if my brain cannot handle doing this many observations, interpretations, and applications. I was telling a friend the other day that I hate studying and reading and homework and so I don't know why I'm here, and they said I'm here cause God brought me here. Simply put, and so true! I know that I'm here for a reason and a season and maybe even longer! Who knows though. God only knows. So far he has made it very clear that whatever choice I make after SBS is what he wants.

I could feel God's heart breaking when His people ask Samuel for a king, like other nations. We see in Leviticus God's people are called to be set apart. Different, separated from all other peoples. They shall be holy for the Lord God is holy! Yet, they demand a human king. A far from perfect, human king. God wasn't good enough for them even though he rescued them from impossible situations and defeated the strongest, biggest nations with just a few Israelites. A man cannot do that!

In two weeks I am going to Goa for one whole week of resting with God. I am very happy about this. Lottie and I have been praying that God would be the center of our week off and even though we're taking a break from SBS we don't want to take a break from God. Here he is providing us with an amazing opportunity to be in his presence for an entire week. I'm excited for what is going to happen and what I'm going to hear.

The weather here is getting more and more unbearable. Who's going to want to sit for hours doing homework in this heat? It's already in the 90s every single day. A.K.A the 30s here. Celsius. Who needs it? I sweat doing anything. I sweat doing nothing. I sweat all the time. It never stops. But I am so happy to be in India! I swear I'm falling in love with India more each day I'm here. The only thing I do NOT want to experience is monsoon season. 2 months of straight up pouring rain. No thank you.

So the summary statement of the week is God is so good and seems to be blessing me for reasons unknown to me. Not that he needs a reason to bless me, and not that he blesses me because of anything I've done. I know that's not the case. I am certainly thankful for this week, and pray I can focus on God the rest of the week and not the blessings.

Pray for finances to roll in. Third quarter starts in 3 weeks and I have no money to pay for it.

Pray for focus and concentration and rest this next 1.5 weeks so that I don't become apathetic for the final 2 books of the quarter.

Pray for direction after SBS. What to do? What to do? (That's a very common Indian expression. What to do.)

Pray for one student who is leaving after this 2nd quarter, my dear roommate Elisabeth will be returning to Norway. So sad. Pray God gives her direction and peace to be home and not finish SBS. Pray for a new student arriving for third quarter that he adjusts easy back into the SBS mindset. It was hard enough for me to come back from my 2 week Christmas break, I can't imagine taking an extended break from SBS!

Love, love, love you all!

I'm happy, I'm happy, your birthday brings a pardoning

Happy 21st Birthday to my Soul-mate yesterday! I love you Kimberly-Joy!

Moses is dead. He was buried in an unknown location. I loved the relationship Moses had with God. They talked to each other face to face, like a familiar friend. I will always be fascinated by this. No one has seen God and lived according to John and so how did Moses have a face to face relationship with God? It might have been Jesus. That's what I think anyway. Besides, if God is omnipresent...which he is, how could we ever physically see him aside from Christ? Either way, I have always longed for a relationship with God like Moses had.

I have never really been too fond of the first five books of the Old Testament except for Genesis of course, but each week when we started a new book it quickly became my favorite in place of the last book. Genesis was awesome, but moreover Exodus was even better, then Leviticus, although it is full of laws and how-to's for sacrifices and offerings I still found myself loving it more than Exodus, next Numbers. My favorite of Moses' books. It really shows Israel's cycle of committing, rebelling, crying out, being redeemed, committing, rebelling, crying out, being redeemed, etc. I love seeing God's heart for his people. His heart to be close to his people, to dwell among them. From the garden to the tabernacle to the temple to our own bodies and much later on to finally being with us like I am with my Indian classmates, but only if I was with them all day every day...forever.

I am getting more and more encouraged to at least wait on the Lord. I still find it difficult to think that I need to wait on him when he's always around and he's always speaking to me. Maybe I don't really need to wait on him, but I need to wait on my ears to be cleaned out or something. I just haven't heard him clearly in my own heart for awhile. I know you're thinking, "but she's got her nose in the Word every day!!" and yes, that is so true, but sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing it to hear from God, or just doing it to finish my assignment. Where has the passion gone to? Why am I not excited about each new book anymore? All things I must earnestly seek answers for. I used to wonder if God was purposefully not speaking to me, but a wise man told me recently that God is always talking to us. Of course he answers us and talks to us! If you asked one of your parents a question as a child would they ignore you? Would they just turn away and walk out of the room? or the house?? Of course not! How much more does our heavenly Father talk to us? It's not that he's not speaking, it's just that maybe I'm not a good listener, and moreover I am not a good doer. I sometimes hear God speaking to me, but I rarely ever do what he tells me. I'm getting better, and this is an area he has really been pushing me in since DTS is not just hearing his voice, but actually doing what he says. Which shouldn't be that hard, really.

I have a longing to be more raw with my fellow SBS students, and five months into the school I only know a handful's hopes, dreams, fears, and struggles. As I see more of God I see more of his heart for his people. That we would live together as one. That we would be one as Jesus and the Father are one. I have always had a passion for community and unity within the Church, and by "the Church" I mean not a building or a gathering every Sunday morning, but I mean the body of Christ. Every Christian in my community of the season. Right now this SBS is the "church" I belong to, and I don't know my fellow friends gifts! I don't know all their talents! I don't know their part in this body of Christ. How are we to function as one unit when all we know of one another is how far along we are with our assignments at any given moment.

Sometimes I look around me and wonder how the heck I got where I am. What in the world brought me to this small town in India? However, India is now such a huge part of my life I don't know what I'd be without it here. I think that there was some small part of my heart that could only be filled with India. Looking back in the past few years of my life I can see God showing me very clearly India was to be a part of my life, but I never put any of them together until I got here, and even then I didn't see it until about 5 months into this SBS. If you had told me I'd be sitting in a tiny coffee shop in the middle of Maharashtra, India listening to Bollywood classics on the radio I would have laughed in your face, and later behind your back!

I still have not figured out what my next step is after SBS, but really, I will let ya'll know as soon as I figure it out. I think it's another moment in my life where no matter what I decide God will use me, bless me, and lead me. We had a prophetic man come and speak to us all last week and I was hoping and praying God would tell me my next step through him and he said nothing I even expected. That I would solve problems within failing ministries and be like a consultant to people around me and that God would give me visions of how to explain solutions to people because I am so different than others that I do not even explain things in an understandable way most of the time, but I would get visions of exactly how to explain solutions to them. I was also told that God would use me to do this "wherever I choose to go" whether it be YWAM, home, or anywhere else in the world. Which you know, that is an answer. Granted it's not the answer I was hoping for, it is still an answer to my next step. I also feel God telling me right now I do not need to make a decision. Why worry? Worrying does not add even a second to my life, or produce any of the results I want. (if you want a full story of what God spoke to me through this prophetic man leave me a comment and I'll e-mail you all the details!)

Well, I have not much left to say except that I have a camera on its way to me and will hopefully get it soon and post pictures on here as soon as I take some! I am sorry for the lack of photos. I believe in a matter of 9 days or less there is the festival of colors here in all of India where people I guess wear all white clothes and wherever you go people throw dye at you! I'll have to research it more or ask around more about it. I pray the camera arrives before then! I am excited for this.

These ALWAYS end up being so long, and I feel like I also write about them always turning out so long in every entry. Ah well. Perhaps I should update this more often so i'll have less to talk about...or write about.

You won't relent until you have it all

Numbers, Numbers, Numbers. The first reading of the book of Numbers was actually really fun because Lottie and I recorded it all! Even dramatized! Well, at least different voices for the different people. There are some obnoxious chapters in Numbers however, Chapter 7 for an example, Chapter 26, and basically the first 9 chapters equal boring, but there also are many good stories in this book. It is really cool to see Moses goes to the Lord every single situation that comes up. After every complaint against him by the Israelites, or complaint against God. Even issues of jealousy of leadership come up, and I don't know why those people wanted to be priests as well, I wouldn't like to sacrifice myriads of animals each day. I love that in the midst of all this rebellion and complaining God still wants his people to reach the promised land, it's just a shame it had to take 38 years instead of mere months because they rebelled. It's also too bad none of the people from the first census were able to go into the promised land except Joshua and Caleb. I hope that I can be like Caleb, with a different spirit.

Numbers made me really ask myself why I ever desire anything or anyone other than our God. He is so good and he is so perfect. He provides all my needs and is always with me. No one else can say any of that is true about them for my life.

This week is looking to be wonderful. We have no class on Monday and therefore Sunday can finally truly be a sabbath day of rest because we can do all our homework for the first class on Monday! So far, this Sunday has been wonderful. I went to church for the 2nd time in India, then walked home in the horrible heat only to find every store closed. For the past 1.5 days all the shops in all of this town have been closed because the people are on strike. The government has been demolishing stores that are built too close to the road. They passed some law about that sometime ago and everything built since then that is too close to the road you often find there one day and the next it's rubble on the ground. Not even a hint of what was once there is left usually. So, it has been tough on us the past day and a half. You seem to crave more outside food when you cannot possibly get it.

Back to the heat. It was so hot today I could not wait to get into my room and take an ice cold shower! Yes we had electricity to heat up water, and we had water! I just needed a cold shower, and it felt wonderful. It'll be nice come summer to look forward to cold showers, but it's already almost unbearably hot for me and my Indian friends tell me the worst is in April and May.

This week there is a team of people, perhaps only 2 people, from Australia that prophesy and pray over people. They travel around to different churches and YWAM bases and just simply pray for the schools and prophesy over the students and leadership. I signed myself up for some time tomorrow with them, and they will be spending an hour with our SBS class on Thursday.

I cannot believe it is already the final week of February and only one month left of this quarter after that. This SBS is going by so fast! At the end of this quarter I am going to Goa with Lottie my English lady-love. I am so excited to go to a beach and just lay on it and be able to wear a swim-suit again hopefully. I'm excited for relaxing with Lottie and relaxing with God. I pray he is at the center of our holiday and we can pray for each other and build each other up while we are there. That it wouldn't be a holiday from God, but with God.

Pray for rest. I am so tired all the time. Even today on my day of rest where I've had more sleep than usual.

Pray for finances. I am getting worried and I shouldn't be.

Pray for patience and grace. This culture is frustrating and so are people here. It's getting to that point where I've been here for awhile now and things that once were endearing are quite the opposite.

Pray for the DTS outreach teams that will soon return! Safe travels and a great debriefing week.

I love you all and think of you often. May our God of peace and strength be with you this week.

Love, love, love.

The long and winding road...

...that leads to the land of the Canaanites. That's right folks. Exodus is finished. I am happy to say I finished all my homework, ahead of the deadline even! I finished it all before lunch on Saturday, so after lunch I was able to go to the lake. Now, I had heard things about this lake and I was very excited to go swimming and show these Indians my swimming skills. Apparently, not many Indians know how to swim, so it was very fun watching one of the DTS students hold up Kalyan, a 26 year old SBS staff member, so he could practice kicking and moving his arms in the water! Oh man. You really do see something new every day in this country. Also, on our way to the lake we hit someone! But it was just the side mirror and the person was drunk, so Kalyan said it was okay. I'm sure that kind of thing happens all the time here. It was pretty crazy. The lake was HUGE! I was expecting this small lake in the middle of a dry field, but it was absolutely huge and it was surrounded by these beautiful mountain-like hill/cliffs. The beach however was rocky and not comfortable, but the Norwegians and I managed to find a small area of sand-like rocks to lay down on our towels in the sun for a few hours. It felt so good to swim again, and I even wore shorts! It's the first time I've worn shorts in public for 5 months now practically. It wasn't even really public, and that's why I was able to. It was quite funny laying in the sun with our t-shirts and pants on. Who knows when I'll ever be able to sun-bathe in just my swimsuit again. God only knows.

I always have thought that I wanted to be like Moses. I wanted to meet with the Lord face to face, like a familiar friend. I want to go near the darkness surrounding the mountain when every one else is terrified and inching away. Now, I still want to experience God like Moses did, but I realized I am totally like Moses. He kept giving God excuses when God was calling him to lead his people out of Egypt. "Why me? Why not someone else?, I don't speak good, They'll never believe you sent me..." and the list goes on. He also has an anger issue. Not that I have an anger issue, but I have other issues that hinder me from obeying God or seeing him face to face. Even now, as I am beginning to think I probably am going to stay here as staff, I still have the excuse of "I don't have any money, I am not good at speaking in front of people, I've never been a leader..." blah, blah, blah. However, all this time I thought in making excuses like this I would never properly see God, but Moses did! Moses constantly questioned the Lord and he still was in his presence more than many other people in the Bible.

Also, some funny things about Exodus. When the Israelites tell Aaron to make them other gods, Aaron clearly collects their gold, puts it in a fire, and molds it into a calf. So, Moses comes down from the mountain and sees them worshiping these idols and his anger problem flares up and he yells at Aaron, and Aaron says the greatest thing ever...He tells Moses he collected the gold cause the people wanted idols, threw it in the fire, and this calf just came out! Like, he didn't do anything, he took the gold out of the fire and it just was in the image of a calf.

This morning I went to my first ever Indian church service. I know it has been 4.5 months since I've been here pretty much, and this was my first time going. It reminded me of the small church services we attended in the Czech Republic, except this was in English, and I knew half the people there. Worship was great. Kalyan can really sing, who knew? He played my guitar, and I saw that he took his scooter and became a little wary of him bringing my guitar on a scooter in India, but if there's anyone I'd trust with my guitar on a scooter it would be him. I think that Kalyan is a character that has yet to be introduced to this India story of mine. I will tell you that he is former SBS staff here on this campus and is working on helping pioneer an SBS in North India which should start in September. He's from South India, and is very funny and very fun. He took us to the lake! I've been here for 4.5 months and didn't even know about this lake until Kalyan came to visit.

At the end of this quarter I hope to travel to Goa with my lady-love, Lottie. Picture this...a week on the beach. Literally. Eating fish, reading books, laughing like anything, discussing how funny it is she's finishing SBS and I'm staffing. Both things we were not going to do at the beginning of SBS.

I have recently become addicted to Cadbury's Dairy Milk Fruit & Nut chocolate bars. Picture this...a bar of chocolate with nuts. Assorted nuts. Almonds and cashews. I like this because I'm not such a big fan of peanuts in chocolate. However, I do love peanut butter with chocolate. Anyway, this chocolate bar also has raisins in it. I love them so much. I cannot stop eating them. I think I need to seek counsel from the School of Addictive Behaviors going on this quarter.

I am going crazy here without a camera. If anyone has a nice camera they're not using and wants to mail it to me, that would be wonderful. The camera I had 1st quarter broke and now I am camera-less.

Valentine's Day came and went as if it was any ordinary day. As the years go by Valentine's Day becomes less and less of a big deal to me. They build it up so much during the school years. Forcing you to bring valentine's to class for everyone or no one which is nice actually because no one feels left out, but then Junior High School comes and you can send carnations to people. You can imagine this now, in home room on the morning of V-day, passing out carnations, and some people are getting like 6-10 carnations, and others zero. I'll admit, I always got one or two, from my close friends at the time, but still. There were people with nothing. How sad is that? I am so happy to be a part of this family of God. He gave me not only carnations, but roses, sunflowers, mountains, rivers, oceans, sunsets, sunrises, snow, deserts, jungles, chocolate, strawberries, whole grains, milk, ice cream, and best of all he gave me his only Son, his only child, he gave his Son's life for me. That's the best gift of love that ever was given. This morning at church Kalyan asked us all what love is exactly and then we read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which you all know fairly well, "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy or boast, it is not self-seeking..." all these things that I know I need to brush up on all of them, but that's what love is. That is not how this world sees love, but it's how love was meant to be. That is true love.

I wasn't prepared for this

I have been sick for the last week pretty much, well, tomorrow it will have been a week, unless I miraculously wake up feeling 100% better! I haven't felt hungry all day, yet I've been eating cause I haven't ate so much in the past week. I'll admit I am feeling 10 times better today than I have in the previous 5 days, but this seems to be wearing me down and on top of all this illness we have just begun the old testament. This week started off with Genesis and I wasn't prepared because I was sick all weekend and behind on homework, and now I'm frantically trying to catch up and here I am writing in this instead of doing homework (great time management skills Sarah). Another piece of straw on the camel's back is our speaker this week who happens to be a very, very intelligent man who seems to be fluent in Hebrew and knows everything there is to know about Genesis. Unfortunately, he has not ever taught in an SBS before really. He hasn't prepared any notes and is just talking in circles about the same things over and over and speaking in Hebrew more than English I think. Needless to say, the information we desperately need from lectures is not coming, and instead of the usual 3 days of lectures this week, we're having 4! That means even less time to do assignments, and if any of you understand this, I have 38 charts I need to finish by Friday night of which I am on number 11 right now and haven't even color-coded Genesis yet cause of my illness. One could say I'm a little stressed out and discouraged about this quarter starting off on the wrong foot.

I am also feeling a heaviness and exhaustion I have not experienced before. I really think most of the students are feeling this as well. I was so passionate last quarter, and since I've been back I've been a little slacker and now this is the time I need to get in gear really and actually schedule my time to finish a zillion charts in mere hours. I think that because every single one of us continued after 1st quarter perhaps Satan is pushing us down with his thumb into the ground. Most SBS's lose a few students after first quarter.

Which leads to another thing. We are losing one of our students! Alem, a wonderful, beautiful-hearted man who loves others so well and really understands serving people. He is going to leave us soon as he has not been home for a long time because he has been doing school after school after school. At least he finished new testament, but he will be missed dearly. Pray God gives him rest and blesses his time with his family and reveals next steps for him. He really has a heart for the School of Worship and wants to staff here this September in that school.

As for me, I desperately need money and prayer for my health, stress, anxiety, depression, and also I am still on the fence about the whole staffing SBS here thing.

Now, onto happier things for the rest of this entry:

I have been praying for dreams from the Lord about anything he wants to reveal to me. A few nights ago I dreamt I was at Barnes and Noble and kept running into all my closest friends, but I was hurriedly saying hello and good-bye to them, because though I was not employed at this Barnes and Noble, I was a frequent customer and they asked me to work in the Starbucks Cafe there because all the employees' shifts ended at the same time with no one scheduled to fill in. So, I was supposed to work in this cafe, by myself. I had never worked in a Coffee shop before! (actually at home I did for 2 days in real life and it was the most stressful/nervous time of my life!) So as you can see it was stressful in my dream and I did not know how I was going to do this. I walked into the Cafe and sitting at one of the tables was Ryan Gosling as his character in The Notebook, Noah. Now Noah had worked in the Cafe for many years and was an expert in all things coffee. However, he would not show me how to do anything and I sat next to him all stressed out and asked him how I was going to do this. He looked at me and smiled and simply said that I would be fine and everything would work out. He told me not to worry about anything, then he randomly throws in this, "you know, my entire life I have never been fully satisfied by anything I've tasted."

Then I woke up.

I have determined the coffee shop is the old testament. I don't know how I am going to complete this week let alone this quarter. This week the speaker is not helping in anything he has told us so I feel unprepared and since this is the first book of the OT I have never studied these books before inductively!

I think Noah is just perhaps a wise person who has already done SBS or has been studying the Bible their whole life who just encouraged me to just do it and continue and not worry. It'll be fine. Everything will work out. Him saying he's never been fully satisfied by anything he ate or tasted most likely means, though he's been studying the Bible his entire life he still hungers for more of it and God continues to give more and more new things to him through the words, but he still wants more and more.

That's my own interpretation of my dream.

For those of you who don't know me so well, I usually always have celebrities in my dreams. I secretly think that means I'll be famous some day. Ha!

Lately I think I am so exhausted because I have not been resting in God. I have been resting a lot, but not with God. Not in his presence. He is the only thing that can truly refresh my weary body.

I was really encouraged this morning by Psalm 138. It's only 9 verses. Pick up your Bible and read it.

Amen. Come Lord Jesus!

It is done!

The New Testament is finished. Not even fully. Not even as much as I would have liked to study it. But I know it better than I ever have before. Now I just need to remember all the main ideas and reasons written and dates and key verses! I've never been one to memorize anything let alone be good at it. If you know me well, you know that I forget everything and can barely remember to get dressed in the morning, let alone remember all these parts of 27 different books!

I wrote a 19 minute long song for my horizontal chart for Revelation! We were given creative freedom for this book, so I took that and wrote out pretty much a paraphrase of the entire book. 19 whole minutes of The Revelation of Jesus Christ!

Revelation has been wonderful. It is not a scary book. It is not so complicated either once you know the original audience's situation and understand that everything in the book is symbolic, not literal (at least that's my opinion and the Early Church's understanding of it). I love this book though, it is a book full of worship, and is basically an evangelistic book. It tells the same story as the gospels only in a few different ways and there are 3 or 4 different views of the same things throughout the book. I love John's style of writing. He is cyclical, quite unlike Paul. Paul is more linear in his writing, like one, two, three, done, whereas John keeps jumping around to the same ideas over and over, but in no particular order.

One major thing I learned today deals with the final judgment. I always thought we'd all stand before his throne and get judged for all the things we have done and though we are saved by grace, we still had to stand up there and have everyone see or hear what we did. That is not the case my friends! It's the people who did not choose God's grace who will be judged for their works, and no one can be saved by works, it's impossible. No one is perfect. Only one person was ever perfect, and it is by his ransom we are saved by grace if we so choose. So, why not choose grace?

The cat has been let out of the bag around campus that I have been considering staying for maybe 2 extra years here in India to be SBS staff. The only thing holding me back is finances. Now, I know that God will provide if it is his will for me to stay here. It's funny though, I came with no intention to stay any longer than I had to, and now here I am with a 10 year Indian visa and an idea, dare I say "desire?", to be staff! I know that I was counting on a giant chunk of money coming from selling my guitar, but that did not work out, and I am thankful that I was able to bring it with me after the Christmas holiday, but I'm struggling. It's okay though, I'm still here, and so far it hasn't affected my situation right now. Please pray for me and if God leads you feel free to give! It is really easy, you can do it online by clicking on the "donate!" button to the right. Someone has used it and it works wonderfully. No extra/hidden charges or fees, it goes straight to my account.

Enough about finances.

I am excited to begin the Old Testament next week! Pray for me to manage my time well for that. Right now I'm not doing a very good job. I am however, better than I ever have been with time-management, but it is not good enough for the Old Testament! I need to actually write a schedule down to the hour at least, maybe even minute. Ya'll know how much I love schedules and am on time for things. Ay carumba.

I watched Slumdog Millionaire the other day, and I would suggest everyone see this movie. I don't know if it's still in the theaters at home, but if it is please go see it! It's amazing and it's even more amazing seeing it in India, but you can't all have that experience yet.

Yesterday was Republic Day for India. It's like our Independence Day, although I didn't see much happening besides our campus's flag raising in the morning and national anthem singing. A lot of people around town were wearing little Indian flags pinned to their shirts, including myself and my British lady-love, Lottie. I truly love this country, and could spend a lot of time here, if not the rest of my life. As long as I was with people I loved doing what I loved by loving God with every part of myself.

Funny, I came to this coffee shop to do homework, but haven't done any for the last 1.5 hours. Mostly because of all the silly things to do I forgot to bring my BIBLE! See what I mean about never remembering? I even remember going up to my room specifically to grab my Bible, and where does that bring me? A ten minute walk away from campus with no means of doing my homework.

Alright, this blog is long enough. I know it has been awhile since I last wrote, and for that I'm sorry. I am afraid it will be even less frequent when the Old Testament begins to take up every moment of my time, but I'll try as much as I can to write in here often! I'm not even sure how many people read this thing anyway.

May the hope and peace of the Lamb be with all of you!

xoxoxoxo

Come what may, come what may

The gospel of John is amazing. I really learned a lot, and have a lot of things I need to apply to my life. Most of all though, I must simply love people. What things are eternal on this earth? God is eternal. We are eternal. Relationships are eternal. How much time do I actually use for eternal things and how much time do I use for things that will pass away when this earth is gone or even when I am gone?

In studying the gospel of John I see what it is God wants for my life. Like, exactly what I am called to do. My calling. My purpose. Etc. John 14:15 Jesus says, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." and just before that in 13:34 Jesus says, "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another." and in 15:12 he says yet again, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." So, basically, in a nutshell...if all we do our entire life is love people then that would actually be a really amazing life lived to the fullest for Christ.


John, the writer of this gospel, one of the three "beloved" disciples along with Peter and James (John's brother), was the only apostle to die of old age. People tried to kill him, but he would not die. Keep in mind, he actually was one of Jesus' closest disciples and lived long enough to see all the other 11 die for Christ and he had the vision of Revelations and he had a long time to think about Jesus and his teachings and the way he lived. He had a ton of processing time, and he wrote the last gospel, so he thought and thought about Christ and how to live fully with him and in him, so finally, near the end of his life some historian wrote this about John:

When he tarried at Ephesus to extreme old age, and could only with difficulty be carried to the church in the arms of his disciples and was unable to give the utterance to many words, he used to say no more at their several meetings than this, "little children, love one another." ..."and if this alone is done, it is enough."

It always comes back to the simpleness of love and relationships with people. That's all Jesus did and that's all we should do, for if we love Jesus we also love the Father, and if we love Jesus we will keep his commandment which is simply to love others.

That's what I have been learning this week.

So I say, "bring on the love!" I want to love people. I want to know that I did all I could while here to know people and love people and serve people.

She would ask for time, and she'd ask for time, and she'd beg for time

Now begins the three weeks of John. The disciple John. We are studying his gospel this week. Next week we will be studying 1,2, and 3 John, then finally, Revelations on the week after that. Then, we are done with the New Testament! I am sad to see it go, but excited for what the OT has to offer. I know it will make the New Testament make more sense, and also, I am so excited for all the ridiculous stories that are dispersed throughout the Old Testament.

I am also looking forward to Revelations. This book is quite a doozy. I am very interested in all it has to say, and it has always been a favorite of mine. It is chock full of figures of speech and craziness. I am excited for what the end of times will actually look like, and I know there will be moments where I think, "oh, that's what John meant." or "I see how that looks like that crazy thing John described." You get the idea.

I am feeling different this quarter. First quarter was new, exciting, and hard. This quarter is familiar, and yet different. The place is familiar. The students are familiar. The method is familiar. I'm sure as soon as we get to the Old Testament it will become new and exciting again. I want to be excited for God's word! I want him to speak to me in new ways and open my eyes to new things I have never seen or experienced before. I feel like I have been asking for those things not just for the past 3 months, but for the past few years of my life, and I am sure he has shown me new things, I know he has, but it is hard to see things now. It's all in hindsight you realize you have changed or learned anything. I wish I could have foresight of the things I'm going to see and experience! Ha.

I have decided to title this year of my life. I know it has just begun, but I feel it is going to be a year of hope. I want to really hope for a lot this year and give people hope, or have the Lord give them hope through me somehow. I want to hear of people's hopes for me, and I want to have hopes for the people in my life right now. I was recently asked by a close friend of mine what my top three hopes are this year, and here's what I told them:
1. I hope to know Jesus better than I have ever known before.
2. I hope to know the truth and lead others toward it.
3. I hope to see people the way Christ sees them. Through the Father's eyes.

I hope those hopes happen, and I hope this year brings many new, wonderful things into my life and also my friends' and family's lives.

I also challenge all of you to share with one person your current struggles and hopes and ask them to pray for you, only if you do the same for them of course. God will begin to answer those prayers this very day! Yesterday we did that during intercession and it was amazing to see him provide opportunities to change and show me that I am loved, all because I shared it with someone. That is how God created us I think. I know actually. He created us to be relational and open and raw with other people so that his power is shown in our weak, humble confessions to others.

I've got my life in a suitcase and I'm ready to run, run, run away

As most of you know, I did not go to Nepal for Christmas break. I actually came home to Minnesota for 2 weeks. It did not seem long enough. It never is. I mostly spent time with the family and close friends. It was so much fun surprising people as the days went by. I would highly suggest surprising people with nothing but your self any time you can. It was so fun to see people's reactions and I was incredibly blessed by my time home with family and friends. It was also good to be somewhere different for my break. It's nice to get away from all things familiar in India and SBS related with the complete opposite culture and climate.

The flights back to India were long and obnoxious. I actually have realized now more than ever how much I actually dislike flying and wish that God would just snatch me up and put me in the places he wants me to go like Philip in Acts 8:35-40 and much like Star Trek's beaming skills. I can never fall asleep on planes. Unless I am somehow able to lay down. I wish I was blessed with the ability to fall asleep any place, any time.

This week is a little ridiculous. I guess it's one of those weeks meant to snap you out of your last two weeks of holiday. I feel like I never even went home for Christmas! We have 4 books to complete this week. 1 Peter, 2 Peter, Jude, and James. in 6 days. I cannot complain, and I'm actually not worried about it at all. I am excited to be back after 2 weeks, and for some reason it is so exciting to see these people I haven't seen for only 2 weeks. It's like we haven't seen each other for a month. It is a little ridiculous, much like my life is right now, but it is a wonderful life. I love where I am right now, and if there's one thing I have learned from 2008 it is to be content wherever you and and be present in the moment you are currently living, not thinking about what is happening later or worrying about what happened previously, but being present in the moment you are living in.

So, as most of you also now know, I have struggled with anxiety and nervousness since forever, and in an attempt to combat that foothold of Satan, I signed up to do devotions AND lead worship on the same day, so the entire hour two Tuesday mornings from now is called "God time with Sarah", well it's not really called that, but it might as well be. We are all required to sign up for 10 minutes of devotion leading and then 40 minutes of worship, but everyone was signing up for them on different days, so I did the same day. Ay carumba.

I am still wrestling with the idea of staffing SBS here, mostly I have been getting confirmations, but one time I had a doubt about it when I was home. A genuine doubt, but one doubt in a sea of YESes seems like nothing. How did I even see that doubt with all those Yeses floating around?

I have realized that I am in need of a lot of money. I was supposed to be getting $1,000 for my guitar, but that was returned to me, which is what I wanted and I love having it with me now, but that means I am out of $1,000 dollars.

Pray that I am comforted financially and wise with my finances.

Pray that I don't get sick.

Pray for wisdom and to know the heart of God and see people and situations through His eyes.

Pray that I can be open and make friends with all these new students as quickly as last quarter. I am a little hesitant because they'll just leave after 3 months anyway.

Praise the Lord we have had running water since I have been back and praise the Lord I made it back safe and sound with no awful stories.