I'm happy, I'm happy, your birthday brings a pardoning

Happy 21st Birthday to my Soul-mate yesterday! I love you Kimberly-Joy!

Moses is dead. He was buried in an unknown location. I loved the relationship Moses had with God. They talked to each other face to face, like a familiar friend. I will always be fascinated by this. No one has seen God and lived according to John and so how did Moses have a face to face relationship with God? It might have been Jesus. That's what I think anyway. Besides, if God is omnipresent...which he is, how could we ever physically see him aside from Christ? Either way, I have always longed for a relationship with God like Moses had.

I have never really been too fond of the first five books of the Old Testament except for Genesis of course, but each week when we started a new book it quickly became my favorite in place of the last book. Genesis was awesome, but moreover Exodus was even better, then Leviticus, although it is full of laws and how-to's for sacrifices and offerings I still found myself loving it more than Exodus, next Numbers. My favorite of Moses' books. It really shows Israel's cycle of committing, rebelling, crying out, being redeemed, committing, rebelling, crying out, being redeemed, etc. I love seeing God's heart for his people. His heart to be close to his people, to dwell among them. From the garden to the tabernacle to the temple to our own bodies and much later on to finally being with us like I am with my Indian classmates, but only if I was with them all day every day...forever.

I am getting more and more encouraged to at least wait on the Lord. I still find it difficult to think that I need to wait on him when he's always around and he's always speaking to me. Maybe I don't really need to wait on him, but I need to wait on my ears to be cleaned out or something. I just haven't heard him clearly in my own heart for awhile. I know you're thinking, "but she's got her nose in the Word every day!!" and yes, that is so true, but sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing it to hear from God, or just doing it to finish my assignment. Where has the passion gone to? Why am I not excited about each new book anymore? All things I must earnestly seek answers for. I used to wonder if God was purposefully not speaking to me, but a wise man told me recently that God is always talking to us. Of course he answers us and talks to us! If you asked one of your parents a question as a child would they ignore you? Would they just turn away and walk out of the room? or the house?? Of course not! How much more does our heavenly Father talk to us? It's not that he's not speaking, it's just that maybe I'm not a good listener, and moreover I am not a good doer. I sometimes hear God speaking to me, but I rarely ever do what he tells me. I'm getting better, and this is an area he has really been pushing me in since DTS is not just hearing his voice, but actually doing what he says. Which shouldn't be that hard, really.

I have a longing to be more raw with my fellow SBS students, and five months into the school I only know a handful's hopes, dreams, fears, and struggles. As I see more of God I see more of his heart for his people. That we would live together as one. That we would be one as Jesus and the Father are one. I have always had a passion for community and unity within the Church, and by "the Church" I mean not a building or a gathering every Sunday morning, but I mean the body of Christ. Every Christian in my community of the season. Right now this SBS is the "church" I belong to, and I don't know my fellow friends gifts! I don't know all their talents! I don't know their part in this body of Christ. How are we to function as one unit when all we know of one another is how far along we are with our assignments at any given moment.

Sometimes I look around me and wonder how the heck I got where I am. What in the world brought me to this small town in India? However, India is now such a huge part of my life I don't know what I'd be without it here. I think that there was some small part of my heart that could only be filled with India. Looking back in the past few years of my life I can see God showing me very clearly India was to be a part of my life, but I never put any of them together until I got here, and even then I didn't see it until about 5 months into this SBS. If you had told me I'd be sitting in a tiny coffee shop in the middle of Maharashtra, India listening to Bollywood classics on the radio I would have laughed in your face, and later behind your back!

I still have not figured out what my next step is after SBS, but really, I will let ya'll know as soon as I figure it out. I think it's another moment in my life where no matter what I decide God will use me, bless me, and lead me. We had a prophetic man come and speak to us all last week and I was hoping and praying God would tell me my next step through him and he said nothing I even expected. That I would solve problems within failing ministries and be like a consultant to people around me and that God would give me visions of how to explain solutions to people because I am so different than others that I do not even explain things in an understandable way most of the time, but I would get visions of exactly how to explain solutions to them. I was also told that God would use me to do this "wherever I choose to go" whether it be YWAM, home, or anywhere else in the world. Which you know, that is an answer. Granted it's not the answer I was hoping for, it is still an answer to my next step. I also feel God telling me right now I do not need to make a decision. Why worry? Worrying does not add even a second to my life, or produce any of the results I want. (if you want a full story of what God spoke to me through this prophetic man leave me a comment and I'll e-mail you all the details!)

Well, I have not much left to say except that I have a camera on its way to me and will hopefully get it soon and post pictures on here as soon as I take some! I am sorry for the lack of photos. I believe in a matter of 9 days or less there is the festival of colors here in all of India where people I guess wear all white clothes and wherever you go people throw dye at you! I'll have to research it more or ask around more about it. I pray the camera arrives before then! I am excited for this.

These ALWAYS end up being so long, and I feel like I also write about them always turning out so long in every entry. Ah well. Perhaps I should update this more often so i'll have less to talk about...or write about.