It is not really a good combination to have a compulsive shopper as a missionary. I don't know how it is possible to live in the United States for any period of time and not go in debt. I think my shopping habit has been getting better as I grow up, but I still find myself buying things frequently. I am happy to say that I have not purchased anything that I use once for a long time. There was a period of my life when I would buy things and wear them or use them once or twice then never again, mostly thinking, "I'll wear it when I get skinnier" But I never got skinnier. So, then I sold and gave away all those great clothes before I moved to India and now I'm wishing I had them back! I am realizing though, that it's okay to get a few things here and there. Especially since I have been wearing the same 4 outfits for the past 6 months, and I only buy things I can surely use in India also. No more of this, "I'm home for 2 months and I need to buy all these cute sweaters cause it's so cold here!!!!!" only to leave them behind when I go back to the sauna-like weather of India that is sure to welcome me in 11 days.
I was at the Mall of America today. Yes, this giant mall is located but a 30 minute drive from my parent's house. How convenient, right? Anyway, I was there purchasing things for people back in India. This is one thing I will always have to deal with; when I come "home" to America it never fails that I have at least 5 people asking me to bring certain things back with me. The requests range from coffee to bass guitars to laptop computers. Don't get me wrong, I am all for helping my fellow man, and I totally understand how convenient it is to have someone going to and coming back soon from America to bring your things back instead of paying outrageous amounts to ship these things overseas. However, it does get quite annoying because some of these people rarely talk to me, and the one time they do decide to say, "hey Sarah! How are you?" It's always followed by the inevitable question, "So, when are you coming back to India?" Which is then almost always followed by, "I was wondering if you could do me a favor..." Now, am I being heartless and bitter-minded to want to scream and just close my computer screen then and there, never to open it until I am back in India? I am pretty sure my job description does not include courier or delivery-woman. However, I know that my job description does include "selfless" "kind" "humble" "helper" etc. I guess if it really won't be any trouble at all I can totally deliver the goods. Perfume, a book, some lotion, coffee, clothes, small things are great, but those small things quickly add up! I am only allotted so much weight and room in my luggage, and checking more than one bag is costing more and more money these days.
It is a constant battle in my head and heart.
Valentine's Day is coming up. Every single Valentine Day in my past has not included a Valentine. This one is no different. But, for one of the first times in my life, I am okay with that, and instead of dwelling on the fact that my best friend whom I love with all of my heart is on the other side of the world instead of with me, I plan on loving the people here as best I can in the few days I have left with them!
And on that final note of Love, I will leave you to your weekend. I hope it is full of love and laughter, because those are the two best things ever in the world.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Storms Are Raging on the Rolling Sea
Oh Sweet Jesus.
It is really hard to try to get someone to understand you when they have never, and I mean never, experienced life the way you are and when they have been doing the same things the same ways at the same times for their entire life. Does that even make sense? I am totally a "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants" sort of girl. I do things that look incredibly stupid and foolish to those around me who do not understand what "obedience" is. People who do not understand that when we obey what God is telling us to do, He will provide us with all the things we will need to get the job done He wants us to do. I really am not worried at all, and just when I start to think that I am finally done worrying about something everyone else thinks I should be worried about because God does not wish for us to live a life of worry and fear. Just when I think I'm getting real good at not worrying, someone points out how worried they are for me and it makes me think, "should I be more worried? Am I being so foolish? Do I look like an idiot to everyone?"
So I go to my mother, and my friends, and my boyfriend. I go to all these important people in my life to make sure I am not being foolish or dumb. To check myself and make sure that it is a good thing I'm not worried and whoever is making me worry more is the fool. BUT who I should REALLY be going to is Jesus. He is the one person who actually really knows how worried I should be, and I'm pretty sure he said something like, "why worry about tomorrow? The sparrow has a place to live and food to eat, how much more important are you than a sparrow??" (paraphrased of course). When I go to my friends and family it causes me to grow in bitterness towards the person who has brought this worry in my life. This person who does not understand me and probably never will. That I know is not the "okay" reaction to all this. However, when I go to Jesus with this information, not only do I feel better knowing my lack of worry is okay, but I don't end up hating the person in my life who caused that worry.
It is much better to complain and gossip to Jesus than other humans in your life. You will most likely end up with the right heart that way.
I was told on two separate occasions from God via two separate people, at two separate times that I belong in India. The first was a guy during my SBS who is especially gifted in speaking words from God into people's lives. He simply said, "you have found this place where you belong." Hence the title of this very blog. Then, about two years later, just 2 months ago, a woman told me, "This time when you came to India, you are giving up your life." So, I know that I am supposed to be here. Many, many other times and ways God has spoken to me about this, and so why should I let one single person make me doubt God?
Yikes.
Emotions are on edge lately as I am realizing I leave in just three weeks. You know, they say reverse culture shock is even worse than culture shock. I believe it.
It is really hard to try to get someone to understand you when they have never, and I mean never, experienced life the way you are and when they have been doing the same things the same ways at the same times for their entire life. Does that even make sense? I am totally a "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants" sort of girl. I do things that look incredibly stupid and foolish to those around me who do not understand what "obedience" is. People who do not understand that when we obey what God is telling us to do, He will provide us with all the things we will need to get the job done He wants us to do. I really am not worried at all, and just when I start to think that I am finally done worrying about something everyone else thinks I should be worried about because God does not wish for us to live a life of worry and fear. Just when I think I'm getting real good at not worrying, someone points out how worried they are for me and it makes me think, "should I be more worried? Am I being so foolish? Do I look like an idiot to everyone?"
So I go to my mother, and my friends, and my boyfriend. I go to all these important people in my life to make sure I am not being foolish or dumb. To check myself and make sure that it is a good thing I'm not worried and whoever is making me worry more is the fool. BUT who I should REALLY be going to is Jesus. He is the one person who actually really knows how worried I should be, and I'm pretty sure he said something like, "why worry about tomorrow? The sparrow has a place to live and food to eat, how much more important are you than a sparrow??" (paraphrased of course). When I go to my friends and family it causes me to grow in bitterness towards the person who has brought this worry in my life. This person who does not understand me and probably never will. That I know is not the "okay" reaction to all this. However, when I go to Jesus with this information, not only do I feel better knowing my lack of worry is okay, but I don't end up hating the person in my life who caused that worry.
It is much better to complain and gossip to Jesus than other humans in your life. You will most likely end up with the right heart that way.
I was told on two separate occasions from God via two separate people, at two separate times that I belong in India. The first was a guy during my SBS who is especially gifted in speaking words from God into people's lives. He simply said, "you have found this place where you belong." Hence the title of this very blog. Then, about two years later, just 2 months ago, a woman told me, "This time when you came to India, you are giving up your life." So, I know that I am supposed to be here. Many, many other times and ways God has spoken to me about this, and so why should I let one single person make me doubt God?
Yikes.
Emotions are on edge lately as I am realizing I leave in just three weeks. You know, they say reverse culture shock is even worse than culture shock. I believe it.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Revelations and Boils.
Today I sent out more "partnership postcards" or PPs as I decided to call them just this moment. I looked up a ton of churches in the area and sent out about 20 of these postcards to all these churches I have never been to in hopes they will have mercy on me and that God will call them to help me in this and stand next to me. I don't know if this is the best way to go about raising support, but It's all I got. I need a little more financial contributions in order to not go insane with stress while I am over there, and next time I have a visa run, which is mid-August I hope and pray to come back to Minnesota but this time I will not be coming alone!
Anyway, back to the PPs. I also sent a few extra ones to famous people I thought I had a 0.001% chance of getting some monetary donation from. These people include Barack Obama, Tom Hanks, and Richard Simmons. The President because he was recently in India and I firmly believe he is a believer. Richard Simmons because he is incredibly humble and loves to help all people. Tom Hanks because, well, he's Tom Hanks! He's just awesome.
In other news, I have a boil. I did not believe it at first, but my best friend, http://webmd.com told me that it is in fact a boil. So I have been researching and reading up on boils and how to get rid of them naturally. I do not have health insurance and so going to the doctor to cut it open and remove all the wonderful stuff inside of it is a last resort. Correction, I do have health insurance, just not when I'm in the US or Canada, but I am covered any other country in the world. Perhaps I should go to Mexico and have it removed. If you or anyone you know has any good home remedies for boils, let me know! Typically people in hot and humid climates get boils, like India for example. Of course I would be the one person to never get one while I was living in India, but when I get to the frigid north country of Minnesota. Very funny.
This past weekend I really had this revelation that, "hey! I am my own person with my own interpretations and opinions on what the Bible says and I don't believe everything everyone tells me anymore!" It's a good revelation to have I think. I used to take a theology class when I was in High School and I thought everything my teacher told me to be right and truth. Then I went to New Zealand and many of the teachers there had differing and conflicting opinions but I thought they were all wrong! Then I went to India and studied the Bible for myself and was given the tools I needed to form my own opinions. It was the first time in my life I was told by the teachers, "this is just MY opinion, take it for what it's worth to you, but please get into these words and form your own opinions on what it means." And so I did that. Now, when I first came back from my school I was super critical of all churches I went to. It has taken me 1.5 years since then to be less critical and just this past weekend I had my moment. The pastor can believe what he wants to believe, and he was even teaching things I used to believe with all of me! I still agreed with some things, but others not even close. The beautiful thing is, that is totally okay! I don't have less respect for the pastor because he believes something different than me, nor do I feel sorry for him because he doesn't know "the truth" because really, in the words of Pilate, "What is truth?"
Superbowl Sunday is coming up. I am a little nervous about it. Who gets nervous about Superbowl Sunday? Look, I'm even capitalizing it like it's a freaking holiday! It's just that this Sunday is the epitome of American culture. It causes Americans everywhere to go insane and live out the day with an excuse to be ignorant, loud, offensive, drunk, and starting fights. People have a lot of money on this game, people get so worked up over football I cannot even begin to understand it. Perhaps it's because I am a girl and have never enjoyed watching sports, playing sports, or really having anything to do with sports. I used to just watch the Superbowl for the commercials, but even now that seems like something stupid. Why would anyone pay millions of dollars to have a 30 second commercial on television when that money could be used for much greater things? I just don't get it anymore. America does not make sense to me anymore, I am not sure if it ever has.
Anyway, back to the PPs. I also sent a few extra ones to famous people I thought I had a 0.001% chance of getting some monetary donation from. These people include Barack Obama, Tom Hanks, and Richard Simmons. The President because he was recently in India and I firmly believe he is a believer. Richard Simmons because he is incredibly humble and loves to help all people. Tom Hanks because, well, he's Tom Hanks! He's just awesome.
In other news, I have a boil. I did not believe it at first, but my best friend, http://webmd.com told me that it is in fact a boil. So I have been researching and reading up on boils and how to get rid of them naturally. I do not have health insurance and so going to the doctor to cut it open and remove all the wonderful stuff inside of it is a last resort. Correction, I do have health insurance, just not when I'm in the US or Canada, but I am covered any other country in the world. Perhaps I should go to Mexico and have it removed. If you or anyone you know has any good home remedies for boils, let me know! Typically people in hot and humid climates get boils, like India for example. Of course I would be the one person to never get one while I was living in India, but when I get to the frigid north country of Minnesota. Very funny.
This past weekend I really had this revelation that, "hey! I am my own person with my own interpretations and opinions on what the Bible says and I don't believe everything everyone tells me anymore!" It's a good revelation to have I think. I used to take a theology class when I was in High School and I thought everything my teacher told me to be right and truth. Then I went to New Zealand and many of the teachers there had differing and conflicting opinions but I thought they were all wrong! Then I went to India and studied the Bible for myself and was given the tools I needed to form my own opinions. It was the first time in my life I was told by the teachers, "this is just MY opinion, take it for what it's worth to you, but please get into these words and form your own opinions on what it means." And so I did that. Now, when I first came back from my school I was super critical of all churches I went to. It has taken me 1.5 years since then to be less critical and just this past weekend I had my moment. The pastor can believe what he wants to believe, and he was even teaching things I used to believe with all of me! I still agreed with some things, but others not even close. The beautiful thing is, that is totally okay! I don't have less respect for the pastor because he believes something different than me, nor do I feel sorry for him because he doesn't know "the truth" because really, in the words of Pilate, "What is truth?"
Superbowl Sunday is coming up. I am a little nervous about it. Who gets nervous about Superbowl Sunday? Look, I'm even capitalizing it like it's a freaking holiday! It's just that this Sunday is the epitome of American culture. It causes Americans everywhere to go insane and live out the day with an excuse to be ignorant, loud, offensive, drunk, and starting fights. People have a lot of money on this game, people get so worked up over football I cannot even begin to understand it. Perhaps it's because I am a girl and have never enjoyed watching sports, playing sports, or really having anything to do with sports. I used to just watch the Superbowl for the commercials, but even now that seems like something stupid. Why would anyone pay millions of dollars to have a 30 second commercial on television when that money could be used for much greater things? I just don't get it anymore. America does not make sense to me anymore, I am not sure if it ever has.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)