Oh Sweet Jesus.
It is really hard to try to get someone to understand you when they have never, and I mean never, experienced life the way you are and when they have been doing the same things the same ways at the same times for their entire life. Does that even make sense? I am totally a "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants" sort of girl. I do things that look incredibly stupid and foolish to those around me who do not understand what "obedience" is. People who do not understand that when we obey what God is telling us to do, He will provide us with all the things we will need to get the job done He wants us to do. I really am not worried at all, and just when I start to think that I am finally done worrying about something everyone else thinks I should be worried about because God does not wish for us to live a life of worry and fear. Just when I think I'm getting real good at not worrying, someone points out how worried they are for me and it makes me think, "should I be more worried? Am I being so foolish? Do I look like an idiot to everyone?"
So I go to my mother, and my friends, and my boyfriend. I go to all these important people in my life to make sure I am not being foolish or dumb. To check myself and make sure that it is a good thing I'm not worried and whoever is making me worry more is the fool. BUT who I should REALLY be going to is Jesus. He is the one person who actually really knows how worried I should be, and I'm pretty sure he said something like, "why worry about tomorrow? The sparrow has a place to live and food to eat, how much more important are you than a sparrow??" (paraphrased of course). When I go to my friends and family it causes me to grow in bitterness towards the person who has brought this worry in my life. This person who does not understand me and probably never will. That I know is not the "okay" reaction to all this. However, when I go to Jesus with this information, not only do I feel better knowing my lack of worry is okay, but I don't end up hating the person in my life who caused that worry.
It is much better to complain and gossip to Jesus than other humans in your life. You will most likely end up with the right heart that way.
I was told on two separate occasions from God via two separate people, at two separate times that I belong in India. The first was a guy during my SBS who is especially gifted in speaking words from God into people's lives. He simply said, "you have found this place where you belong." Hence the title of this very blog. Then, about two years later, just 2 months ago, a woman told me, "This time when you came to India, you are giving up your life." So, I know that I am supposed to be here. Many, many other times and ways God has spoken to me about this, and so why should I let one single person make me doubt God?
Yikes.
Emotions are on edge lately as I am realizing I leave in just three weeks. You know, they say reverse culture shock is even worse than culture shock. I believe it.
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