How Come You Never Go There?

Before you even read any further, go down and play the youtube video so that a beautiful song that I want you to actually listen to is playing while you're reading...

Surprise, surprise. I'm at Starbucks. For some reason, this is the only place I can bring myself to spend ridiculous amounts of money for anything ("ridiculous" meaning $3.00 for an iced coffee). 

I have been home for eleven days now. Eleven days of lazy, idle, fatty living. Seriously guys. I sit on the couch all day watching reruns of the shows I've missed. I had to catch up on all the shows I watched before I left. Many season finales to watch before the start of the new seasons next month!

Glee makes me so happy all the time. As a musician I can appreciate a musical-type weekly television series! Especially when they cover songs I actually like.

Who doesn't love The Office? I still haven't seen the episode where Michael leaves or even really know much about it. I've never laughed more at a television series.

Parenthood is seriously the most realistic show on TV. I cry every single episode. I'm not even kidding. The other day I watched the last five episodes of the last season and my eyes were constantly streaming tears, for like five straight hours. It makes you laugh and cry and things are not always resolved by the end of every episode and that's why I love it. 

This cartoon I actually just started watching since I've come home and let me tell you, it is a great one! It's hilarious and so witty. Finn and Jake are the best duo ever written for TV. I mean, this shouldn't even be classified as a kids show because it's that good. I would suggest you all watch this. Adults will crack up more than kids will. Don't give up after one episode either, the more you watch, the more you will crave.

The greatest female guitarist and songstress is finally, after four years of nearly silence, releasing a studio album! Feist my friends, Feist. If you haven't listened to her you should because she is amazing and that is an understatement. Her voice is so soothing and the way she puts songs together is creative, unique, and inspiring. I love her guitar skills. Simple, yet intricately woven with her vocals and good looks. You may know her from such commercials as Apple iPod with the "1,2,3,4,5,6,9, and ten money can't buy you back the love that you had then..." You get the idea. Here's her newest single that I just heard on the radio today and I was so obsessed I had to find it and listen to it over and over again on youtube.

I. Can't. Stop.

In other news, this might be a kind of loooonger blog since it's been a few days from the last entry. So, to not intimidate you, I'll put the rest after this paragraph so that you can click and read a lot if you so desire, or just leave it at this if you don't want to take the time to read more personal things.

I'd Catch a Grenade For Ya.

America never ceases to surprise me. The more I live outside of this country the more I am shocked by nearly everything in it.

I am currently at Starbucks and let me tell you, I do miss this place when I am in India, but I don't miss how expensive it is. I also miss the drink sizes! In India you mostly only get one size which to all Americans would be considered "small." When I come back to Minnesota I try to drink as many Ventis (their largest size) as I can! But today, as I was ordering my Venti Sugar-free Vanilla Soy Iced Coffee the guy behind the register told me that in May Starbucks is getting another size called "Trenta" which will be 31 oz. THIRTY-ONE OUNCES! I am already embarrassed to be holding the 20 oz Venti size when I'm in here, I wonder what the Trenta will look like!

I was telling the employee how incredibly ridiculous that is especially coming from my now more Indian mind-set. Even the Smalls are big to me. But, there was something even more ridiculous coming in a few seconds. I was watching the guy make my drink and he first made an iced latte then realized it was supposed to be an iced coffee. As he gave me the 20 oz. Iced Coffee he asked if I wanted the 20 oz. Iced Latte he accidentally made since they'd dump it out anyway, so I said yes, how can one say "no" to free coffee? So now, after pointing out how incredibly ridiculous 31 oz. of coffee would be I am holding 40 oz. of coffee in my hand. Instead of being embarrassed by one Venti size I am further embarrassed by having two Venti sized drinks with me at my table. Some would maybe assume I have a friend coming, but I don't.

I had a talk with a good friend last night and we somehow got on the topic of debt. I always have this credit card looming over my head. I really do not have much debt compared to the rest of America or even friends my age with college-loans to pay off. I never went to college and so thankfully don't have student-loans. However, I was dumb enough to get a credit card as soon as I was 18 and because I was pretty good then at making payments on it they gave me an extra $1,800 on top of my limit without even telling me!! That was not a good move on their part, but I know I can't blame them because I'm the one who spent all the money I didn't have. I try my best to not worry about it. I know God's got my back and he will provide for this because that is who He is! But it is not easy to keep trusting Him when it's been quite a few years now nothing really has changed.



Getting those two drinks today at Starbucks sure was more than what I needed. I just needed one iced coffee. God knows what we need without even asking Him. He knew I needed one coffee, but I believe he provided me with a second one also. He gave me in abundance something I did not even ask Him for! I know it's a little think like coffee, but I really think that this time as much as I want to send out a hundred thousand more postcards to hopefully get financial partnership from others, I want to trust God more than I ever have before. If He does not lead me to send out postcards then I won't do it. He knows my needs I need to stop always asking Him for things and start recognizing who He is with adoration and thanksgiving. He is not a magic genie who always grants our wishes. He knows our needs before we even need them. So, lets let Him surprise us with even more than we need. Lets not focus on our debt, bills, or necessities, but lets focus on who God is. He is on the throne and He does not want to see us stressed out and worried, pulling our hair out. He'd catch a grenade for you. Why wouldn't He take care of your needs?

Are you strong enough to be my man?

Sometimes I don't trust God. Sometimes it's hard to trust Him and have faith that everything is going to work out fine even though everything seems absolutely impossible even for Him. Nothing is impossible with Him, this I know very well. Why is it so hard for me to trust Him this time?

I should not have gone to the bank today. I don't know what drove me to go there or how I ended up talking to a banker. I hate Wells Fargo. I hate banks period. I hate that money controls people, even myself. I am sick of money taking place of more important things in my mind. It's all I can think about, and I'm trying to be present here and now, but right here, right now I'm sitting at Dunn Bros. and have nothing else to do except work on my finances. I don't know what to do! Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. That's all I've been doing. I still don't feel at peace. I know I need to be persistent, but sometimes I don't even like to bring it up because it puts me in this zombie state where I just zone out and stare off into nothing with dollar signs in my eyes. Last time God miraculously provided. Why would this time be any different? I am not even worried about paying for school and travel expenses there. Want to know what is most nerve wracking financially for me? Paying for my credit card either before I go or while I'm gone. I need $1,827 extra dollars just so that I can make my monthly credit card payment and sponsored child payment. To God that is nothing! Can't it just rain money for today? I'll pick up only what I need I swear.

This is a very humbling time in my life right now. I absolutely cannot do this alone.