Sometimes I don't trust God. Sometimes it's hard to trust Him and have faith that everything is going to work out fine even though everything seems absolutely impossible even for Him. Nothing is impossible with Him, this I know very well. Why is it so hard for me to trust Him this time?
I should not have gone to the bank today. I don't know what drove me to go there or how I ended up talking to a banker. I hate Wells Fargo. I hate banks period. I hate that money controls people, even myself. I am sick of money taking place of more important things in my mind. It's all I can think about, and I'm trying to be present here and now, but right here, right now I'm sitting at Dunn Bros. and have nothing else to do except work on my finances. I don't know what to do! Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. That's all I've been doing. I still don't feel at peace. I know I need to be persistent, but sometimes I don't even like to bring it up because it puts me in this zombie state where I just zone out and stare off into nothing with dollar signs in my eyes. Last time God miraculously provided. Why would this time be any different? I am not even worried about paying for school and travel expenses there. Want to know what is most nerve wracking financially for me? Paying for my credit card either before I go or while I'm gone. I need $1,827 extra dollars just so that I can make my monthly credit card payment and sponsored child payment. To God that is nothing! Can't it just rain money for today? I'll pick up only what I need I swear.
This is a very humbling time in my life right now. I absolutely cannot do this alone.
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