Confessions of a Shopaholic.

It is not really a good combination to have a compulsive shopper as a missionary. I don't know how it is possible to live in the United States for any period of time and not go in debt. I think my shopping habit has been getting better as I grow up, but I still find myself buying things frequently. I am happy to say that I have not purchased anything that I use once for a long time. There was a period of my life when I would buy things and wear them or use them once or twice then never again, mostly thinking, "I'll wear it when I get skinnier" But I never got skinnier. So, then I sold and gave away all those great clothes before I moved to India and now I'm wishing I had them back! I am realizing though, that it's okay to get a few things here and there. Especially since I have been wearing the same 4 outfits for the past 6 months, and I only buy things I can surely use in India also. No more of this, "I'm home for 2 months and I need to buy all these cute sweaters cause it's so cold here!!!!!" only to leave them behind when I go back to the sauna-like weather of India that is sure to welcome me in 11 days.

I was at the Mall of America today. Yes, this giant mall is located but a 30 minute drive from my parent's house. How convenient, right? Anyway, I was there purchasing things for people back in India. This is one thing I will always have to deal with; when I come "home" to America it never fails that I have at least 5 people asking me to bring certain things back with me. The requests range from coffee to bass guitars to laptop computers. Don't get me wrong, I am all for helping my fellow man, and I totally understand how convenient it is to have someone going to and coming back soon from America to bring your things back instead of paying outrageous amounts to ship these things overseas. However, it does get quite annoying because some of these people rarely talk to me, and the one time they do decide to say, "hey Sarah! How are you?" It's always followed by the inevitable question, "So, when are you coming back to India?" Which is then almost always followed by, "I was wondering if you could do me a favor..." Now, am I being heartless and bitter-minded to want to scream and just close my computer screen then and there, never to open it until I am back in India? I am pretty sure my job description does not include courier or delivery-woman. However, I know that my job description does include "selfless" "kind" "humble" "helper" etc. I guess if it really won't be any trouble at all I can totally deliver the goods. Perfume, a book, some lotion, coffee, clothes, small things are great, but those small things quickly add up! I am only allotted so much weight and room in my luggage, and checking more than one bag is costing more and more money these days.

It is a constant battle in my head and heart.

Valentine's Day is coming up. Every single Valentine Day in my past has not included a Valentine. This one is no different. But, for one of the first times in my life, I am okay with that, and instead of dwelling on the fact that my best friend whom I love with all of my heart is on the other side of the world instead of with me, I plan on loving the people here as best I can in the few days I have left with them!

And on that final note of Love, I will leave you to your weekend. I hope it is full of love and laughter, because those are the two best things ever in the world.

The Storms Are Raging on the Rolling Sea

Oh Sweet Jesus.

It is really hard to try to get someone to understand you when they have never, and I mean never, experienced life the way you are and when they have been doing the same things the same ways at the same times for their entire life. Does that even make sense? I am totally a "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants" sort of girl. I do things that look incredibly stupid and foolish to those around me who do not understand what "obedience" is. People who do not understand that when we obey what God is telling us to do, He will provide us with all the things we will need to get the job done He wants us to do. I really am not worried at all, and just when I start to think that I am finally done worrying about something everyone else thinks I should be worried about because God does not wish for us to live a life of worry and fear. Just when I think I'm getting real good at not worrying, someone points out how worried they are for me and it makes me think, "should I be more worried? Am I being so foolish? Do I look like an idiot to everyone?"

So I go to my mother, and my friends, and my boyfriend. I go to all these important people in my life to make sure I am not being foolish or dumb. To check myself and make sure that it is a good thing I'm not worried and whoever is making me worry more is the fool. BUT who I should REALLY be going to is Jesus. He is the one person who actually really knows how worried I should be, and I'm pretty sure he said something like, "why worry about tomorrow? The sparrow has a place to live and food to eat, how much more important are you than a sparrow??" (paraphrased of course). When I go to my friends and family it causes me to grow in bitterness towards the person who has brought this worry in my life. This person who does not understand me and probably never will. That I know is not the "okay" reaction to all this. However, when I go to Jesus with this information, not only do I feel better knowing my lack of worry is okay, but I don't end up hating the person in my life who caused that worry.

It is much better to complain and gossip to Jesus than other humans in your life. You will most likely end up with the right heart that way.

I was told on two separate occasions from God via two separate people, at two separate times that I belong in India. The first was a guy during my SBS who is especially gifted in speaking words from God into people's lives. He simply said, "you have found this place where you belong." Hence the title of this very blog. Then, about two years later, just 2 months ago, a woman told me, "This time when you came to India, you are giving up your life." So, I know that I am supposed to be here. Many, many other times and ways God has spoken to me about this, and so why should I let one single person make me doubt God?

Yikes.

Emotions are on edge lately as I am realizing I leave in just three weeks. You know, they say reverse culture shock is even worse than culture shock. I believe it.

Revelations and Boils.

Today I sent out more "partnership postcards" or PPs as I decided to call them just this moment. I looked up a ton of churches in the area and sent out about 20 of these postcards to all these churches I have never been to in hopes they will have mercy on me and that God will call them to help me in this and stand next to me. I don't know if this is the best way to go about raising support, but It's all I got. I need a little more financial contributions in order to not go insane with stress while I am over there, and next time I have a visa run, which is mid-August I hope and pray to come back to Minnesota but this time I will not be coming alone!

Anyway, back to the PPs. I also sent a few extra ones to famous people I thought I had a 0.001% chance of getting some monetary donation from. These people include Barack Obama, Tom Hanks, and Richard Simmons. The President because he was recently in India and I firmly believe he is a believer. Richard Simmons because he is incredibly humble and loves to help all people. Tom Hanks because, well, he's Tom Hanks! He's just awesome.

In other news, I have a boil. I did not believe it at first, but my best friend, http://webmd.com told me that it is in fact a boil. So I have been researching and reading up on boils and how to get rid of them naturally. I do not have health insurance and so going to the doctor to cut it open and remove all the wonderful stuff inside of it is a last resort. Correction, I do have health insurance, just not when I'm in the US or Canada, but I am covered any other country in the world. Perhaps I should go to Mexico and have it removed. If you or anyone you know has any good home remedies for boils, let me know! Typically people in hot and humid climates get boils, like India for example. Of course I would be the one person to never get one while I was living in India, but when I get to the frigid north country of Minnesota. Very funny.

This past weekend I really had this revelation that, "hey! I am my own person with my own interpretations and opinions on what the Bible says and I don't believe everything everyone tells me anymore!" It's a good revelation to have I think. I used to take a theology class when I was in High School and I thought everything my teacher told me to be right and truth. Then I went to New Zealand and many of the teachers there had differing and conflicting opinions but I thought they were all wrong! Then I went to India and studied the Bible for myself and was given the tools I needed to form my own opinions. It was the first time in my life I was told by the teachers, "this is just MY opinion, take it for what it's worth to you, but please get into these words and form your own opinions on what it means." And so I did that. Now, when I first came back from my school I was super critical of all churches I went to. It has taken me 1.5 years since then to be less critical and just this past weekend I had my moment. The pastor can believe what he wants to believe, and he was even teaching things I used to believe with all of me! I still agreed with some things, but others not even close. The beautiful thing is, that is totally okay! I don't have less respect for the pastor because he believes something different than me, nor do I feel sorry for him because he doesn't know "the truth" because really, in the words of Pilate, "What is truth?"

Superbowl Sunday is coming up. I am a little nervous about it. Who gets nervous about Superbowl Sunday? Look, I'm even capitalizing it like it's a freaking holiday! It's just that this Sunday is the epitome of American culture. It causes Americans everywhere to go insane and live out the day with an excuse to be ignorant, loud, offensive, drunk, and starting fights. People have a lot of money on this game, people get so worked up over football I cannot even begin to understand it. Perhaps it's because I am a girl and have never enjoyed watching sports, playing sports, or really having anything to do with sports. I used to just watch the Superbowl for the commercials, but even now that seems like something stupid. Why would anyone pay millions of dollars to have a 30 second commercial on television when that money could be used for much greater things? I just don't get it anymore. America does not make sense to me anymore, I am not sure if it ever has.

I'd Catch a Grenade For Ya.

America never ceases to surprise me. The more I live outside of this country the more I am shocked by nearly everything in it.

I am currently at Starbucks and let me tell you, I do miss this place when I am in India, but I don't miss how expensive it is. I also miss the drink sizes! In India you mostly only get one size which to all Americans would be considered "small." When I come back to Minnesota I try to drink as many Ventis (their largest size) as I can! But today, as I was ordering my Venti Sugar-free Vanilla Soy Iced Coffee the guy behind the register told me that in May Starbucks is getting another size called "Trenta" which will be 31 oz. THIRTY-ONE OUNCES! I am already embarrassed to be holding the 20 oz Venti size when I'm in here, I wonder what the Trenta will look like!

I was telling the employee how incredibly ridiculous that is especially coming from my now more Indian mind-set. Even the Smalls are big to me. But, there was something even more ridiculous coming in a few seconds. I was watching the guy make my drink and he first made an iced latte then realized it was supposed to be an iced coffee. As he gave me the 20 oz. Iced Coffee he asked if I wanted the 20 oz. Iced Latte he accidentally made since they'd dump it out anyway, so I said yes, how can one say "no" to free coffee? So now, after pointing out how incredibly ridiculous 31 oz. of coffee would be I am holding 40 oz. of coffee in my hand. Instead of being embarrassed by one Venti size I am further embarrassed by having two Venti sized drinks with me at my table. Some would maybe assume I have a friend coming, but I don't.

I had a talk with a good friend last night and we somehow got on the topic of debt. I always have this credit card looming over my head. I really do not have much debt compared to the rest of America or even friends my age with college-loans to pay off. I never went to college and so thankfully don't have student-loans. However, I was dumb enough to get a credit card as soon as I was 18 and because I was pretty good then at making payments on it they gave me an extra $1,800 on top of my limit without even telling me!! That was not a good move on their part, but I know I can't blame them because I'm the one who spent all the money I didn't have. I try my best to not worry about it. I know God's got my back and he will provide for this because that is who He is! But it is not easy to keep trusting Him when it's been quite a few years now nothing really has changed.



Getting those two drinks today at Starbucks sure was more than what I needed. I just needed one iced coffee. God knows what we need without even asking Him. He knew I needed one coffee, but I believe he provided me with a second one also. He gave me in abundance something I did not even ask Him for! I know it's a little think like coffee, but I really think that this time as much as I want to send out a hundred thousand more postcards to hopefully get financial partnership from others, I want to trust God more than I ever have before. If He does not lead me to send out postcards then I won't do it. He knows my needs I need to stop always asking Him for things and start recognizing who He is with adoration and thanksgiving. He is not a magic genie who always grants our wishes. He knows our needs before we even need them. So, lets let Him surprise us with even more than we need. Lets not focus on our debt, bills, or necessities, but lets focus on who God is. He is on the throne and He does not want to see us stressed out and worried, pulling our hair out. He'd catch a grenade for you. Why wouldn't He take care of your needs?

Baby, It's Cold Outside.

I heard on the news last night that in the last 40 days it has snowed on 30 of them! I always pick the best time to come back home to Minnesota. I really will make a point not to come here during January and February ever again.

Here's how my day looked today:

Woke up at 9:00 in the morning and ate some cereal. You have no idea how wonderful it is to have 5 different kinds of cereal to choose from IN YOUR OWN HOUSE! It is amazing. Plus cold milk, ready to drink!
Today I had to take Peaches, the fattest Toy Poodle you will ever meet, to Petsmart to get groomed. This is what my life has become upon arrival at home. I clean the house, make dinner for the family, and take the dog to her appointments. I grab her and put her in my car and the entire 15 minute drive to the store she is crying and shaking! This was no small shaking either, it was chihuahua style almost seizure-like shaking. When we arrive at the store I have to carry her the whole way through the store and now she is trying to jump out of my arms kamikaze style. Last time I did this I made the mistake of using a leash and she was able to somehow squeeze her fat little head out of the collar and started running towards the front of the store and they have automatic motion-sensored doors so as soon as she got up to the first door it opened automatically for her! Fortunately I caught up with her and before the second door could automatically open to the outside world I grabbed her. So, I decided to carry her in the store from then on. We get back to the grooming place, I drop her off and go to Starbucks.
A couple hours are spent in Starbucks reading through the book of Ruth and writing in my neglected journal. Then I get the phone call, Peaches is ready to go!
When I get to Petsmart again I have to buy a toy for her and have them remove the tags then as soon as we get in the car she has something to play with instead of going ballistic and trying to jump into my lap for the 15 minute drive home. I don't know if you know this, but it is nearly impossible to drive with at Toy Poodle in your lap.
Well, we made it home without a problem and the rest of my day was spent doing dishes and trying on old dresses I forgot I had in a box in the basement.
For lunch I attempted scrambled eggs with some Indian spices in them. However, when I put the shaker over the eggs a mound of masala came out instead of the dusting I was trying to attempt. I could only eat half of them
Doesn't that sound like such an exciting day?

While reading Ruth today I really related to Ruth. She was a foreigner in a strange new land. She moved from her place of origin, her culture, her people, to go to a land far, far away with a people she did not know. She told Naomi, her mother-in-law, that basically she is choosing to leave everything behind to become a part of a strange culture. I was immediately reminded of myself, leaving America, my family, and this culture behind and moving to India and making it my new home and my new culture and my new family. I will say it has not been easy to remain obedient to God's calling and God's purpose there. In Ruth you don't hear of any complaining or regret in her leaving everything behind and living in a new, uncomfortable place. I am trying my hardest to live in India without letting the culture and language and climate get to me. I am also trying my hardest in coming back here to not let the culture, language, or climate get to me either! It is strange to feel like a foreigner in the country where you have citizenship. Some of the things it is hard to get used to:

The cold! In India it is 70 degrees at least every day.
Going to the bathroom. I won't go into detail, but it is hard to get used to.
Going to church. As an American living in India I no longer can relate to most of the things pastors here talk about. But also as an American in India, It is equally hard to relate to pastors in India. This is a new thing I realized this past week.
Scandalously dressed women. Which basically means anyone wearing a short skirt, dress, or showing their shoulders! Yikes.
Prices! Everything here is at least 8 times more expensive than in India. I can buy 12 bananas for 20 cents in India. I can buy a medium pizza for $4.00!
Independence! In India it was hard to get used to always having people around and I just wanted my privacy!!! Now all I get is privacy and I just want people around!!! I feel so lonely here.

More shocking things:
Electricity 24/7!??!
Hot water anytime I want it!??!
30 different varieties of sour cream!??!
Jeggings?? I did not even know what those were!
So many white people. Everywhere.
Cleanliness!! Everything here is so clean!

Now I'm about to eat GOULASH! Thank God for goulash. I think I even spelled that correctly! Wow.

You Said You'd Lend Me Anything.

Home, sweet home.
I think being home is wonderful! It is not easy though. I caught a cold and from my second day back until now I am sneezing, coughing, going through kleenex boxes like anything, and my main staples each day have become Mucinex, Dayquil and Nyquil. I cannot go on much longer like this.

It sure is wonderful to be with my family again, spending time with my mom, my dad, Justin, and the beautiful newer family that lives in our basement consisting of one of my older brothers, his wife, her daughter, and their new 3 month old baby boy! It's quite wonderful.

I cannot help but wonder sometimes am I really making the right choice in choosing India? Am I really just choosing India or am I choosing God? I believe it's both. Sure, living in India for the rest of my life terrifies me. I constantly find myself thinking about finances for a married couple in the mission field in India, then I think what about getting older and all those doctor appointments that are so necessary in the US but I don't know that they even have them in India. Where will I have children and how will I raise them? Coming home is good because my family is asking a lot of good questions, but it is also very hard because it is making me second guess decisions and committments. I just keep praying God will continue to give me grace in certain situations and peace about the future.

I still cannot officially say what the future holds, but I can write it here for all to read soon! A lot of you already know, but nothing is official yet.

I am looking forward to my next two months at home to study, prepare, and really just rest in the presence of God. It will be good to clear my head and heart and get my focus straight again.

For You are good, for You are good, for You are good to me.

The School of Biblical Studies in Lonavala has begun! One-and-a-half weeks ago the 2010-2011 SBS has started and both staff and students are very excited! For the first three weeks we have the "Seminar" which is the time we teach them the study method and how to observe, interpret, and apply the book we are currently studying. It is three weeks of class from 10:30 AM until 6:30 PM with a few breaks here and there and a major break for lunch. Basically it is the most overwhelming three weeks of anyone's life! They learn tons of new things every single day and feel like they will never be able to remember them over the next nine months. O what will they do? How will they ever complete this SBS with passing grades?? Well, I am here, an alumni, a survivor, to say that if I can do it literally anyone can do it. Look at me now! I am even staffing this school! How crazy am I? SBS really is not as hard as people make it out to be. It just takes up so much of your time, that is all. If you are good at managing your time then you would be super at an SBS!

We have 15 students and 8 staff for this school year. There are a few students who are planning to only do the first quarter, or first three months of the school, but typically once they complete the first quarter they end up finishing all 9 months because why stop without finishing the New Testament? Then, why stop without knowing the Old Testament which is the foundation for the New! And so, that's typically how it works.

Monsoon is officially over! It is sunny all day every day, and now my things are finally beginning to dry out and I pray the smell of mold gets out of my bedroom soon. I wish I could just rip off the roof of my house and let my bedroom bask in the sunlight all day so that it dries.

Recently I have started working out every day. Running every other morning, and then "weight training" every other day in between. But as I do this I know I need to eat more veggies and protein, but it is so hard in India to get protein in your system. I really think I have an iron deficiency when I come here because I eat no red meat and am not sure how to get iron any other way. Spinach maybe? No thanks. Anyway, at least it is not impossible to get iron tablets here.

The theme for our school this year is, "Experiencing God." We are encouraging staff and students to experience God every single day, and to write down or somehow record their experiences. How did you experience God today? Because, as we study the Bible we realize we are studying other people's experiences with God, not necessarily God Himself, but other's experiences. From those experiences we can know who God is. Therefore, we are desperate to have our own experiences with God so that we can know Him even more and be inspired to go out and do the things He calls us to.

I have been experiencing God's goodness lately. His goodness in bringing me here and providing all my needs. His goodness in calming my nerves and removing my fear of teaching and replacing it with confidence. Even through a bad teaching outreach experience He was good and has strengthened my confidence through it. I have seen His goodness in my family as my brother and sister-in-law just had a beautiful, healthy baby boy a few days ago! His goodness is seen every time I walk to my house here in Lonavala because just living off campus is good in and of itself! He has provided a new and wonderful roommate who is consistent and so encouraging. He has answered a huge prayer in my life and I am so excited for what the future holds in this area. God is truly good. In the midst of all this I feel as if I have never been attacked spiritually as much as I am right now, but I don't even focus or think about that because God is good in the midst of this. I often wake up singing praise songs, it is crazy the things God is doing here in India.

I am truly blessed to be living this life right now. To be in India, a country that is so hungry for a real God. A country that desperately needs justice and peace. To be here teaching that there is a God who brings justice and peace. A God that is real and alive and active. I am blessed to be a part of God's heart for India, and am excited because I think that He is beginning to show me that India will always be a part of my life. I am blessed to have so many people here and at home who are partners with me in bringing God's kingdom to this earth. Partnering with me in prayer, finances, and love. I could not ask for anything more than obeying God and bringing others along with me!

I hope that the days begin to get cooler. It is now becoming quite hot as the monsoon is over and the sun is out and shining brightly. It will get cooler next month, but for now I think it will remain hot for a few weeks. I would say it is around 90 degrees every single day now, but the funny thing is that the first time I came to India was at this same time of year and I thought I would never stop sweating. I slept with no covers at night and I took only cold showers. Now I have become used to this weather somewhat. I still am pretty sweaty (I know you are enjoying hearing about how much I sweat), but I take hot showers because cold is too cold for me, and I also sleep in a sleeping bag at night! A sleeping bag! That is a super contrast to when I first came to this country.

This week we are studying Philippians and next week we begin Ephesians. Pray for the students as they are feeling overwhelmed learning all these new things suddenly! I will be teaching the book of James on November 5th! Pray for inspiration to make creative assignments and to use creative teaching methods as all the staff are teaching. We want to see more creativity in this school.