Just Breathe.

My oh my, it has been quite a while since I updated this blog. Sorry for all of you who have been checking every day hoping for a post, as if.

Life has been better.
Life has been worse.

Being in Minnesota with my family is pretty awesome.

Being in Minnesota without my husband is pretty much the loneliest.

I found a job at a hotel here in Maple Grove. It is not the best pay, but I'm working almost full-time and it is really easy stuff. I'm basically a janitor. I clean all the common areas at night. Second shift. I spend six to eight hours alone, cleaning. Often not seeing or talking to a human being for hours. It's kind of perfect.

You see, the more I fly back and forth between India and Minnesota, the more withdrawn I am becoming. I prefer alone time or else I follow my mother around the house like Peaches does.

It is quite depressing to be home during this freezing, snowy weather without the one human being you love most. It's quite depressing falling asleep alone every night and waking up alone every morning. I pray that Romel and I will never have to be separated again.

It's all because of money and immigration stuff. I could go back to India tomorrow, but I don't have a plane ticket and the sole purpose of my being here is to pay the lawyer so that we can finally start this process.

Romel is with his family in Nagaland right now experiencing the same things as I am, minus the working part. Getting a job in India without a college degree is pretty pointless because you will literally be paid next to nothing. So, it's up to me to be the bread winner this season of our lives and that is hard for Romel, as the man, to swallow. I don't like it either, but what else can I do?

I feel like I'm not quite trusting God like I should be. I haven't quite let go of this control that I think I have over my life.

All I am asking for is money, but I hate only asking for money. I feel like I only approach the Amazing, Perfect, Magnificent Creator and King with stuff I need and not with anything to offer or give up. I got a lot of stuff to give up but I'm like a child holding onto my little toys so very tightly.

Sigh.