I Pity the Fool...

Happy November! This is what I looked like on Halloween (well not the whole outfit because the rest is too scandalous for the internet according to certain people). I was Lady GaGa. I also love Peaches in her little sheriff's costume. She wasn't a big fan of it, but everyone else loved it.

I particularly love her depressed look in the photo with me. It's like she's thinking, "Woe is me, I have no reason left to live with this outfit on."

It has been a long while since I wrote here. You could say I have had no reason to post because nothing special has happened and who wants to hear about my boring life? All I've been doing is eating candy and reading books. 

I did however, cook a delicious chicken pot pie this evening. This is not a picture of that particular pie, but just a peek at what glorious pie is waiting for me to eat it as left overs for the rest of the week!

I have been trying too hard for too long to control circumstances within my life. It's like this: when I am in India I have complete faith that God will provide all my needs because I have no way of even doing anything about it there aside from praying and writing letters. But when I come home I try everything my human brain can think of to raise money. I play shows, I baby-sit, I throw my services out there for any and all to take advantage of, but nothing happens. I find myself good opportunities to get the word out of my situation, my life, but nothing comes back, and I can't help but feel like no one cares. I know that's not true! So many people care about me and my life, but it's bigger than that, it's God's plan, God's life. I'm just doing what He has called me to and I can't get upset anymore if people are not seeming interested. 

I have come to this place though where I feel like if everything isn't working out perfectly and fitting together nicely then I have this crazy idea that I must not be obeying God. Like because I'm not doing what he wants me to do everything is falling a part. I don't think it's like that though. Many things don't work out even though God is behind them. Just because he wants it to happen doesn't mean other people want to support it. Just because I'm not getting the finances, encouragement, or time with people I'd like does not mean that God does not want me to do what I'm doing. 

I will confess though, I have been trying too hard for too long to control these things. I have been living life at "home" in Minnesota in my own strength. Consulting only myself before I make a decision. That is not how I should be living this life. Why is it so much easier to do the right thing when I am in India than when I am in the United States?

It's so easy to give in to temptation here. It's so easy to be lazy here. It is very interesting to suddenly realize the differences in spiritual attacks between Minnesota living and Indian living. Not only are the two places physically as far away from each other as they can get on the earth, but so are the temptations, the struggles, the hardships. 

I can't help but be reminded of these words of wisdom from a good friend of mine (I wish!) Paul:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds. Philippians 4:4-7

I can't help but think though that I have too long been presenting requests to God. He knows what I need. I don't need to always pursue what He is capable of giving, but I must always pursue knowing Him deeper. It's hard though. I often can't shut up.