Singin' in the Rain, Just Singin' in the Rain

The Monsoon is rearing its ugly head. The rains have started and the entryway of my house will now be permanently muddy until September. Thankfully we have tile floors throughout our entire house which is easy to clean, but almost not worth cleaning because they get dirty so easily in such a dusty or muddy country.

Thanks to my new Fiancée I got a brand new, super awesome, strong and mighty umbrella! I had been using one that was missing pieces and I always had to fix it correctly, re-attaching wires and things before walking out into the rain. This new one I just push a button and it opens automatically and is huge and even has a curved handle so also doubles as a walking cane. Score!

The dog that my house-owners have is either the laziest dog ever in the world, is incredibly depressed, or is dying. I cannot decide which one. She's usually walking around exploring things and is always eager to greet you at the gate when you come home, but for the past 2 weeks she has been laying on the same step outside my door just sleeping. I have not seen her move from that spot really for two weeks! I don't know if some traumatic thing happened to her and now she's super depressed, that's what I like to do when I get emotional and depressed, but I can't. I heard once that when Lady GaGa gets depressed and doesn't feel like doing anything she gets up, looks at herself in the mirror and says, "You're Lady GaGa! You have to get up and moving!" I wish I had some cool nickname that I could call myself without seeming like a narcissist or crazy mo-fo.

If you did not know, the house I rent is somewhat of a duplex. I live on the ground floor, and my landlord lives above me on the 2nd level. It's quite a wonderful little house, I wish you all could come over and see it. I should really post pictures of it at least one of these days, now that it has almost been one year since I moved in.

This week I am teaching Daniel, and though it's full of difficult passages to interpret, the main message is God's kingdom is coming and will last forever and no other king or kingdom can compete. Reading and studying all these wonderful stories of God giving meaningful, creative dreams to kings and prophets, God causing flesh not to burn in the fire, God closing the mouths of lions, God humbling kings, and God showing Daniel exactly what will happen for the 400 years until Jesus comes, reading all these things just reminds me how truly awesome He is. I go about my days knowing He is awesome, knowing he's powerful, knowing he knows all things, but I don't truly grasp how awesome he really is. I think if I really understood how powerful, awesome, and loving he is I would explode. My mind couldn't handle it and my body wouldn't know how to react. Maybe I'd be like Ezekiel who was silent for 7 days after a vision of the glory of God, or Moses whose face would shine so brightly they'd have to cover it. It's so easy to contain and conceal God just for my personal life, but I think if I had a real interaction with him I wouldn't be able to contain my joy, ecstasy, and awe. I get so concerned with offending people, I don't want to be seen as the girl, sister, aunt, who always puts up those "Jesus" Facebook statuses, gross. But in all actuality, I should be completely unconcerned of people and feelings and reputations surrounding me, and be completely concerned with who God is.

For some reason this week (and it's only Tuesday, mind you) everyone is talking about goals, visions, 2-year or 5-year plans. What's your mission statement? What's your vision? Where do you see yourself in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years? Personally, I can barely see where I am going to be tomorrow, let alone 2 years from now. Is it so wrong to not have a plan or even an idea what I'll be doing then? I mean, I know vague things like I'll be married then and most likely be living in India. As for my future and vision and calling, I have no idea still what those are in my life and quite frankly am getting sick of those words, but this is YWAM, that's all you ever talk about. This time last year I was so proud of myself because I had the next two years all figured out for once in my life, but now just one year later I'm back in that confused, what should I do next?, sort of phase. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I always seem to be in this phase. I don't think I will ever have my life figured out. Do you ever feel that way? All I know is I must stay true to my identity, do what I love, and be with the people I love. Wherever that leads me I will be happy. I won't be living an easy life I know, but I know I will be happy.

Romel, the Fiancée, and I are attempting to figure out how he can get a visa to the US to come in August. Please, please, please keep this situation in your prayers and thoughts. If you get any words, a vision, a picture, a verse, anything at all as you pray please let me know. Any encouragement or confirmation is welcomed. I'm worried, being a worrier that would naturally occur, but this time it's a bigger thing. I have faith that whatever God wants is going to happen, and I feel like he will get a visa, but I also know from friends and stories that what we are trying to do is virtually impossible seen through earthly eyes, but after studying Daniel it's safe to say that God is fully capable of doing this, it's easy for him, the real question is does he want Romel to go to the US in August?

I will leave you with this quote from C.S. Lewis, after studying Daniel and also reading a book full of stories of martyrs, I am left thinking what I would do in a life or death situation if I am forced to deny my faith. I think, "I'd definitely be shot, beheaded, burned at the stake for God, but I don't know if I would want to be slowly tortured and killed in a long-lasting painful way." People have been steam-rolled because of their faith! I don't know if I could do that, but why wouldn't I? I won't actually know until and unless I am in that situation I suppose. C.S. Lewis said it best, "You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood become a matter of life and death to you."