How Come You Never Go There?

Before you even read any further, go down and play the youtube video so that a beautiful song that I want you to actually listen to is playing while you're reading...

Surprise, surprise. I'm at Starbucks. For some reason, this is the only place I can bring myself to spend ridiculous amounts of money for anything ("ridiculous" meaning $3.00 for an iced coffee). 

I have been home for eleven days now. Eleven days of lazy, idle, fatty living. Seriously guys. I sit on the couch all day watching reruns of the shows I've missed. I had to catch up on all the shows I watched before I left. Many season finales to watch before the start of the new seasons next month!

Glee makes me so happy all the time. As a musician I can appreciate a musical-type weekly television series! Especially when they cover songs I actually like.

Who doesn't love The Office? I still haven't seen the episode where Michael leaves or even really know much about it. I've never laughed more at a television series.

Parenthood is seriously the most realistic show on TV. I cry every single episode. I'm not even kidding. The other day I watched the last five episodes of the last season and my eyes were constantly streaming tears, for like five straight hours. It makes you laugh and cry and things are not always resolved by the end of every episode and that's why I love it. 

This cartoon I actually just started watching since I've come home and let me tell you, it is a great one! It's hilarious and so witty. Finn and Jake are the best duo ever written for TV. I mean, this shouldn't even be classified as a kids show because it's that good. I would suggest you all watch this. Adults will crack up more than kids will. Don't give up after one episode either, the more you watch, the more you will crave.

The greatest female guitarist and songstress is finally, after four years of nearly silence, releasing a studio album! Feist my friends, Feist. If you haven't listened to her you should because she is amazing and that is an understatement. Her voice is so soothing and the way she puts songs together is creative, unique, and inspiring. I love her guitar skills. Simple, yet intricately woven with her vocals and good looks. You may know her from such commercials as Apple iPod with the "1,2,3,4,5,6,9, and ten money can't buy you back the love that you had then..." You get the idea. Here's her newest single that I just heard on the radio today and I was so obsessed I had to find it and listen to it over and over again on youtube.

I. Can't. Stop.

In other news, this might be a kind of loooonger blog since it's been a few days from the last entry. So, to not intimidate you, I'll put the rest after this paragraph so that you can click and read a lot if you so desire, or just leave it at this if you don't want to take the time to read more personal things.

I Feel Like Such a Mooch.

you: Hey! I miss you so much! Let's hang out!
me: Yes, totally! I miss you too! When do you want to hang out?
you: Let's hang out on this day next week! I can't wait to see you!!!!
me: Yeah, totally awesome, I can't wait! It works for me as I am doing nothing at all that day!!!

What goes on in my head until that day comes: What will we be doing? Anything we do will involve money and I can't even bring myself to pay $5 for a meal because it's double the amount for a meal in India. I don't have that kind of money, I have to pay for gas eventually and it's like $3.99 a gallon and I do not have that kind of money. Will they pay for me or are they expecting me to pay for myself like all Americans would assume? Will I have to be the d-bag who says "oh, btw I have no money" when we get to the register? Will I have to be the jerk who cancels at the last minute because I have no money and would hate to put that kind of pressure on someone...even if it's someone I haven't seen for a very, very long time? Why do things have to be so expensive??? Why did I have to buy that perfume yesterday when I didn't need it and therefore can't afford to do anything else this week?? WHY AM I SO BAD WITH MY FINANCES? WHY HAVEN'T I LEARNED FROM MY PAST MISTAKES??? Why can't they just say up front they'll pay for me if that's what they're thinking? Is it weird to ask if they're expecting to pay for me or me to pay for myself? How will I afford to pay my electricity bill in India if I spend the same amount I would for a month's electricity on dinner that day? (Electric bill for this month: $17.09. Dinner at a restaurant: $17.09) WHAT TO DO?? TELL ME WHAT TO DO, O WISE BRAIN OF MINE!!!!


I'll just stay home and watch Adventure Time with Finn and Jake or whatever it's called. 


And that's a glimpse of what's going on inside my head when people ask me to "hang out" upon coming back from India.

That's me holding all the money I have in my wallet. 50 rupees is equivalent to $1.09.

I called the Love of my life today finally. After an entire week since that fateful taxi ride to the airport, I called him. Oh how I miss his voice and face and laugh and words and broken English at times. Ahhhh. It is true that old adage: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or the original saying that came from Roman poet, Sextus Propertius (wonder if that was his real name):

"Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows."

Miss you, Boo.

I seriously need to get into a schedule. I find that if my life is scheduled I make wiser choices. I don't know how I have lost all self-control in my life. I've given up on controlling my surroundings which is fine, that's what God wants I think, but I seem to have also given up on controlling myself when it comes to everything. I don't even know where to begin. You'd think studying the Bible for so long would make me wiser and closer to perfection than ever before, but I am pretty sure it has brought me farther away. Perhaps that's the way wisdom goes. The more you know the more you realize how imperfect you really are. The more I get a hold of what needs to be done, the more I see how far I have fallen, and the more I see how much I need grace. Grace is a huge gift and I have always taken it for granted. I still do, but I am at least starting to see how important it is in my selfish life.

On another, completely un-related note, I'm listening to "Born This Way" by Gaga with my headphones on for the first time and am hearing little background things I have never heard before! And I've listened to this song a billion times. It's pretty cool actually. At the very beginning when she's talking, there's some cello or bass action going on. The harmonies and background vocals sound sweet also, as with the bass drum beat. I don't care what anyone says. I like Lady Gawgs.

But, I won't end with that controversial statement. I'll leave you with this question:

Has there been a time in your life you realized the importance of grace?
Have you ever struggled with self-control?