Land of a Thousand Smiles

Being in Thailand just for four days was like a breath of much needed fresh air.

The people we came across in Bangkok were friendly, generous, and beautiful. We loved it so much at our hotel that we pretty much cancelled all our other plans to just bum around the area our hotel was in. Why spend money and travel around when you are content and enjoying yourself right where you are?

Our budget was tight. Very tight. Being there as a tourist made me again long for home. If only Romel and I were living and working in the U.S. then we'd have much more money to spend in Thailand. As if money would have made us happier. We had fun in spite of money issues. We were just happy that it all came together quite wonderfully! We booked a hotel for three nights the same price it usually cost one night at that hotel. Going to Thailand in the off-season is the best way to go. We pretty much walked everywhere and though it was tiring, it was fun to see more of the city and people that way. With a 7 Eleven on every corner we were never far from a respite from the hot, humid air. I thought it was monsoon there, but it barely sprinkled rain a few times.

We really had a great time. We were exhausted every night when we went to bed and were always filling our stomachs with delicious street foods and pad thai noodles. We even brought pad thai back home with us. I was seriously happy to eat shrimp. I ate shrimp everywhere I could! You might think that's funny, but shrimp is hard to come by in India and it's small and it's expensive. I love shrimp. In Thailand seafood is pretty much everywhere. Squid, shrimp, mussels, fish, crab, lobsters, it was like we were eating under the sea itself. But we were more interested in the fact that McDonalds actually had beef. I finally was able to eat a cheeseburger and their fries were way better than Indian McDonalds. They even had sizes similar to US standards! I was in heaven on earth.

Did I mention there was a Starbucks?

In our line of work we rarely, rarely, rarely get to buy fun things. You know, things we want. We managed to purchase a few fun "want" items such as tank tops, pants, some amazing leather bags, and some instant noodles for Romel. He loves instant noodles. I personally am not a fan, but that's what we got pad thai noodles for.

All this to say, we really had a good time. It was a genuine vacation and I have not had one of those for many years. Even our honeymoon does not count as a vacation. This was the real deal. We were there to relax, do whatever we wanted, and enjoy each other's company in a new and exciting place! We are both very thankful to have been able to go.

This is our we-just-made-it-past-immigration-and-everything-went-better-than-expected face.

Khao San Road. Ten minute walk from our hotel and where we spent the majority of our time.

Some cool elephant statues.

Outside the Grand Palace.

Yeah, we're married.

Tuk tuk. We only rode in one of these one time. It was so fast! India needs to get on this.

Wat Pho Temple entrance.

Hello Buddhas.

And more Buddhas.

Another Buddha.

I was wearing inappropriately short shorts and so was forced to wear the modesty skirt inside the temple. I liked it a lot actually.

Hunk.

Just a monk with an umbrella.

The famous reclining Buddha! I like his toes.

Street food! We ate anything and everything off of carts on the street. It's funny how people always advice tourists to never eat street food, but it's literally the best and most authentic food there is.

Romel in Chinatown. Obviously posed.

In the Beginning

Sometimes it is good to remember your beginnings. It is fun to look back in time and remember the emotions, the passion, the excitement knowing you have just made a huge change in your life. I wrote this short (very short) story a few years ago about the beginning of my two-year staff commitment here. (Actually it is somewhat of a "first chapter" to a book I have been wanting to write about my crazy Indian life. But that's another passion for another day). Anyway, we all know my two-year commitment here turned into three years. Now my commitment to this Biblical Studies course is coming to a close and for that I am again full of emotions, excitement, and yes, even passion. Ending something is always emotional; I am excited for what the future holds and for soon coming back to the U.S. with my beloved husband; I am full of a newfound passion to study the Bible at my own pace and in my own home for no other purpose but to study the Bible. No more stressing out about teachings, staff meetings or small groups. 

Sometimes it is good to remember your beginnings.

        The precise moment my foot hit the ground outside just past the glass doors, I felt the heat.  It was like someone immediately threw a bucket of hot pudding at my face and it quickly dripped down, covering my whole body in one moment.  Inevitably, my glasses became instantly fogged and I could not see a thing.  I worried I wouldn’t be able to see him, so I took my specs off, but immediately realized the reason I wore them in the first place.  Glasses on or off, I could not see a thing.  There were literally hundreds of Indians lined up in front of me shouting and calling out names.  I thought that I would never find the one Indian man I was looking for.  Before those thoughts could fully complete themselves, and after I had only taken a handful of steps out of the Mumbai airport, I heard that very familiar voice call my name.  A wonderful voice that I sometimes think was made only for the purpose of saying my name.  I heard the voice for the first time in months, yet recognized it the moment I heard it.  He was a little behind me, and as I turned around I saw him and an electric current of pure joy ran through my body, beginning its journey from my heart.

        He was even more handsome than I remembered, standing there in the sticky heat wearing all black with a brown scarf.  His favorite fashion faux-pax is wearing black with brown.  I haven’t had the heart to tell him how much of a fashion criminal he was sometimes.  Occasionally, he will even wear socks with sandals, but that is a different story set aside for a different time.  His hair was much shorter than I had ever seen it, and I loved it that way!  He is about one centimeter shorter than me, but it bothers neither of us and we rarely notice it.  The good thing about dating someone who is approximately the same size as you is that his clothes fit you perfectly. Even our feet are the same size.  Although, you cannot really say we ever dated.  They don’t date in India.  They basically go from strangers to husband and wife.  One thing in this life I will never fully understand is arranged marriages.

        Back to the story: as soon as he called my name and our eyes met, we ran to each other (I did most of the running).  We embraced in a quick yet genuine and much needed hug.  At that exact moment, all the feelings I had ignored for the past five months came flooding back into my head and my heart.  I did not think it would be this good to see him again.  I had somehow convinced myself that I did not love him anymore when I was at home, and I had been quite relieved to hear that I would only have to see him for one day after I arrived back in India before he would go down to Mysore for nine months.

        The past year-and-a-half played through my mind at lightening speed, and I suddenly caught myself standing next to a man I was very much in love with.  I kept telling him how good it was to see him again after so long.  It took everything in me to hold me back from kissing him all over his face.  Fortunately, we were in a country where PDA is not at all acceptable.  Growing up in America with five brothers and a reluctance to touch anyone, I had developed a sort of illness which would come only when seeing couples in public holding hands, kissing, or canoodling.  I hate PDA with a mighty passion, and had loved living in India because it is such taboo for anyone to publicly display their affection for all to see.

        We made our way to where the taxi would pick us up, and it seemed almost like I was in a dream.  Was it really this hot?  Was I really back in India?  Was I really standing next to him?  Was I really committing the next two years of my life to this place?  Little did I know that a lot more than two years was in store for me.

Unexpected Blessings

Two weeks ago I was scrambling around in an environment of constant stress. The School of Biblical Studies (SBS) I was staffing was coming to a close and I still had assignments to grade, paperwork to fill out,  and students to meet with.

I was looking forward to a stress-free, wonderful, restful week break from school this week. On Friday my students graduated and I was ready to lounge around my house reading, watching Adventure Time, and eating potato chips for an entire week before having to staff another school for three weeks starting this upcoming Monday.

It's funny how plans change.

During my SBS in 2009 my Grandfather died. I was in India and could not go home for the funeral. Then, I was home for one year and as soon as I returned to India in 2010 my Grandmother passed away. Again, I could not go for her funeral. I was not able to fully comprehend or grieve the passing of my grandparents. I still do not think I have been able to deal with losing my grandparents on my Mother's side. They were both so incredibly wonderful. My Grandpa always loved cooking weird things like cow tongues and eating pickled herring's eggs. He had traveled a lot himself and always made up these intricate stories of him getting into trouble after becoming shipwrecked somewhere. My Grandma was so fun to be around. We would sit in their living room and laugh and laugh. She was quirky and full of so much love. Very straightforward, but in a good way. I remember one time our laughter kept turning on and off her clap-on-clap-off lights in the living room. She got startled easily and it really made her jump, but that made us laugh all the more and continue the lights turning on and off.

I really love my grandparents and even though I wasn't home during their last days on this earth or even to grieve with my family, I know that they loved me and supported me whole-heartedly in my choice to live in India. They did not see me much, but they were glad I was loving people here in India. They were proud of me teaching and learning with others in the study of the Bible.

A few months ago my aunt contacted me and said that they had donated some money to have a bore well built in memory of my grandparents somewhere in India. I was asked if I would like to attend the dedication of the well since no one else in my family would be able to. Of course I was very happy and honored to be able to be there for the dedication! It was going to happen anywhere in India at any time and I hoped that it happened at a time I was done with staffing.

Sure enough, last week I received an e-mail saying the well was ready and asking when Romel and I could come to a small city in Andhra Pradesh to represent the sponsors of the well. It was actually perfect timing. We both had this week off and even though my plans of lounging around in my pajamas all day doing nothing were ruined I was very happy it was for this reason.

Romel and I got our tickets booked and on Monday we left rainy, moisture-ridden Maharashtra and traveled to dry, pleasant Andhra Pradesh.

A view from the bus window.

Trying to nap on the bus.

As soon as we reached the city on Tuesday we were met by a pastor named Vincent who looked way younger than he sounded from the phone. We went straight to our hotel to drop our things off and freshen up. Then we hopped in a car and drove straight to the sight of the well. It was a good 24 kms from the city we were staying in.

Driving down that dusty, empty road towards a small village I was full of anticipation. Excited to see this little well with my Grandparent's names on it that was providing fresh, clean water for these people that my Grandparents would never know.

As we were coming up to the little road to turn onto that the village was on we heard loud drumming. I thought it was some hindu festival that was going on, but Vincent turned to us and said, "this is for you, you better get out here they will lead you to the well." I was so surprised. There were three old uncles drumming on what were probably handmade cow-hide drums. One of the uncles was really into the drumming, encouraging and nudging those around him to dance along with his beats.

When Romel and I stepped out of the vehicle a small woman in a sari put a huge garland around each our necks. This is very common for Indian weddings or other events to honor someone. Then we were led down a winding little road through the village towards the well with the drummers in the front leading the way. We were surrounded by adults and mostly children. They were all looking at us and smiling and urging us onward.

We finally reached the well after a few minutes and proceded to share a greeting thanking them for the unexpected welcome. We really felt so honored and blessed to be there and though these people were quite poor, they still made us these beautiful garlands, offered us pepsi and 7up, and even were willing to make dinner for us. I was overwhelmed. One thing I have always loved about Indian people is how hospitable they are, no matter how much they have or don't have. They are always generous and selfless.

I then prayed over the well and Romel and I cut the green ribbon they wrapped around it. Then, they had us pump water from the well for all the villagers to touch and have a drink from and after everyone else had some of the water we pumped, Romel and I were then urged to touch the water. Of course after that we had to get some pictures of all of us together behind the well. We finally revealed the plaque that was on the well with my Grandparent's names on it. I'm pretty sure I had a few tears come to my eyes when we did that.

The very next day we began our return journey. We spent a very short amount of time there, but in that time our hearts became overflowing with joy and love for these villagers and pastors we hadn't even known existed a few weeks prior!

My favorite South Indian food! Masala Dosa with Sambhar and coconut chutney.

Just something we found at a pit stop on the way back to Bangalore.

It really was a time of joy, fun, and laughter. We simply had fun smiling and laughing with the children and encouraging the believers in the village. I cannot even put into words how blessed Romel and I were to be there. Even though we spent maybe 30 minutes there total, we now have a beautiful memory that will last a lifetime.

Being back in a small village in Andhra Pradesh reminded me of my time a few years ago when I spent five weeks in different small villages in Tamil Nadu and Andhra Pradesh. It is living and building relationships with average, local villagers that I love most being in this nation. I am not always afforded the opportunity to go into villages like that here, but that truly is where my heart is.

Romel and I hope to return to this place again sometime in the future, and it's comforting to know that a small piece of my family is there always.

It's already July!!

Well, not quite July, but pretty much!

This month flew by. This year is flying by. This school has flown by.

There are just five days left of this wonderful (stressful, annoying, obnoxious, inconceivable) School of Biblical Studies. No, I really have enjoyed this school though it took a while to get here at this current level of enjoyment.

My time and commitment at this place is quickly coming to an end. The graduation for this school is on Friday, this upcoming Friday, and then I get one week of a break where I will be laying in bed all day reading fantasy and/or dystopian young adult novels any time I am not sleeping. Then, after the week break I will be continuing my "commitment" for three more weeks and then I am DONE. Finished. Completed. No more commitment. No more stress (haha, that's funny). No more responsibilities. No more worries. No more forced conversations. No more frustrations with The Man. At least for some time.

I am looking forward to a much needed break. After three years of non-stop working, I look forward to resting and focusing on my marriage and getting back to the U.S.

I have loved this season of my life. I have loved meeting all these new students and staff. I have loved reading assignments and laughing or crying because of the student's personal stories. I have loved working with these people who have come to become my family here in India. I have loved teaching and sharing my heart with the staff and students, even if some don't listen or understand.  I have loved eating rice and daal and other masalas with these guys for the past three years. I have loved making new life-long friends through this campus. It's been an amazing, challenging, stressful, and fulfilling time. I got married here! I cannot and will not forget how this place has changed the course of my life. Many things have happened that have made me wish I never came, but many things have also happened that reminded me that I am where I am supposed to be and have been here for a reason over the past three years.

I have peace when I think about finishing up the next month and being done with my commitment. I know that now is the time to still live in obedience but focused on a different "mission" in life: family. Establishing and continuing friendships and family relationships at home, a place I have not been for a long time. I am ready to stay in Minnesota for more than two months. I am ready to invest in people's lives at home. I am ready to process and reflect on my time in India the past four years.

I am ready for something new yet familiar. I am ready for my husband to set foot on American soil. I am ready to always have access to whole grain bread, hundreds of different apples, whipped cream, Ben and Jerry's, Starbucks, and STEAK. I am ready for those things. I embrace this change and shift in life focus.

I will always feel like I belong to India and when I am in the U.S. I know that I will stare at Indians there as they stare at me here, wondering where they're from, how I can become friends with them, will they let me babysit their children, and other questions that cross my mind.

India is a part of me; a part of my life. It always will be and I am happy for that. India is not a perfect place, but it has been a perfect place for me to experience God in ways I never would have in the U.S. When I look back on my life to a time my faith was really tested and strengthened it will be this time.

When I sat down to write in my blog today I was not even thinking to write about all this, but it seems my fingers have spoken without me even really trying. Thanks for following me over these past three-four years. I have also been stalking following most of you as well. I'll continue to write in this blog until my very last breath, and once I'm done with my commitment here I will probably write in it a lot more often which will mostly be daily posts full of stories and pictures of my cats.

I will be getting these two in two weeks. The white/orange one and then that tiny one with the red circle over his/her face. We do not yet have names for them but as I mentioned above, I'll keep you all posted on anything that has to do with my kitties.

Top Ten for Packing

In about one week a friend of a friend is coming to visit us here in India. I won't go into all the stored bitterness that I keep inside of me over the simple fact that none of my friends or family* have come to visit me in the past four years and the two people who have come were friends of friends. I won't go into that. It's not nice and bitterness does not suit me. Just know that it's there and I'm working through it.

Anyway, someone is coming, and soon, and she just asked me if there's any last advice I can give her or things she should pack. I've been thinking about doing a post like this for a little while and this was just the extra push I needed! Here is my list of necessary things to bring that will make your life 100 times easier if you're going on a short or long term mission trip. Also, these are good for if you're even going on a holiday out of the country. Pretty much any short-term trip out of the country. I literally judge people when I see them packing more than a small carry-on for a week-long trip.**

1. Backpack - obviously, this is necessary. If you're going on a short term missions trip it's all you need.  Don't be "that" girl who cannot even carry her own bag because it's so heavy and full of clothes you won't even wear for the time you're there. Invest in a nice, large, durable backpack. You will not regret it. I personally don't have one anymore, my old one got torn to pieces from using it so much.

2. Water Bottle - It's cheaper, easier, and just plain smart to bring your own water bottle with you. Even if you're in a third world country, there are places to fill your bottle with good drinking water, so don't waste money buying throw away plastic bottles. Bring your own water bottle. This is the one I personally love. The wide-mouthed bottles make me feel like I am about to drown, so I like the narrow mouth ones. They might be harder to clean, but I like them best. Don't bring a gross/fancy camelbak to a third world country. It only furthers the stereotype in everyone's mind that Americans are rich and even their water bottles have to be fancy.

3. Shampoo - Buy the biggest bottle of shampoo you can find. Use it for your hair. Use it for your body. Use it to wash your underwear. It smells way better than laundry soap and any body wash I've ever discovered, plus you only have to carry one bottle instead of three or four.

4. Bandaids - Or better yet, a small, personal first-aid kit. Throw a little neosporin in there, some different sized bandaids, some gauze. You will not regret this. You might not use it, but chances are there is not going to be a place for you to just buy some bandaids. I have never in all my time here seen bandaids I could buy anywhere.

5. Journal and some nice pens - Even if you're not a journaling kind of guy, this is some good advice. Not only should you write down every day what you are doing and where you are going, but also include funny stories and inside jokes. These things are easily forgotten over the years and you'll want something to look back on so you can call up your friend and remind them of their embarrassing cultural mistake that one time in Africa or wherever you were. I like to save 3-4 pages in the back of my journals for inside jokes, funny quotes, or hilarious moments. Plus, this generation is way too dependent on technology. It's no fun typing up journal entries or blog posts when you can doodle and be creative with your hands for once in your life. These journals are the best ever in the entire world.

6. Clothes - You obviously need clothes to wear. Before you pack make sure you ask your leader or someone who has been there what is okay and not okay to wear in that country. You don't want to again be "that" girl who is wearing immodest clothing the entire time or "that" guy who doesn't respect the locals. We are going there to love people, not offend them and also we do not want to further the stereotype they already think of us "white people." Also, bring less clothes than you need. You will most likely always buy some clothes there. Just bring one pair of jeans and a couple t-shirts. If you're only there for a week or two you only need one pair of jeans. No one's going to care that you're wearing the same ones every day. This is not a fashion show. You do not need a whole new outfit every day. Also, bring at least one really nice outfit or buy one as soon as you get there because you'll most likely need it for church or something else that might come up.

7. Camera - another "duh" one, but easy to forget. Make sure you also bring your charger so that it doesn't run out of juice the first day of your trip. You will want to take pictures of the cute children. You will want to take pictures of the hilarious signs. You will want to take pictures of the local animals that are strange and unfamiliar to you but the local people will think you're strange to be obsessed with a lizard scrambling up the wall. It's okay to bring a nice camera, probably even best because then you will have good pictures forever instead of crappy ones. Don't just use your iPhone camera or else again, you further the stereotype that "every American has an iPhone 5." Your phone's not even going to work in a country outside of the U.S. so you don't even need to bring it unless you're staying long-term and if you are staying long-term get that phone unlocked yo! Also, Verizon sucks for international travel. You need a sim card in every other country on the planet, why does Verizon even exist?

8. Pictures of your family - It might sound weird, but other people love looking at pictures of your parents and brothers and sisters. One of the first questions you will get asked is, "how many brothers do you have? How many sisters?" Seriously. What's your name? Where are you from? How many brothers and sisters do you have? It's nice to show pictures. They love looking at pictures. "They" meaning every single person in a foreign country you haven't met yet. Admittedly, people in "warm" countries like India, Latin America, Africa, Haiti, South Pacific, etc...they're way more family/community focused so they'll love it way more than you think. People in Europe, the U.S., or Canada probably won't really care. Cause we're "cold" like that. More individualistic.

9. This towel - Don't even THINK about bringing any other towel. This is the towel you need to bring with you. I bought mine five years ago and it is literally the greatest investment I ever made. It's not even $20. It dries within minutes, it's soft unlike other "quick-dry" towels which are rough and gross and don't even dry you off they just spread the water around your body. This towel is amazing and you should get a big one, the size of a normal towel and if you need (like I do) a separate towel for your hair then get a smaller one for your hair too! I think you get the picture. You will not regret this. I am going to buy so many of these for when Romel and I come back to India after our sabbatical in the U.S.

10. Snacks - Always bring snacks. The food in the country you are going to is going to make you sick. You might love it at first but it will get old. You might hate it. It might be too spicy for you or too bland. Bring some of your favorite snacks so that you can have a little taste of home. When you get tired of rice all the time you'll have your Wheat Thins or Swedish Fish to satisfy you. I remember I would make lists of food I couldn't wait to eat again when I was in Vanuatu in 2006 for one month. Hot dogs, Macaroni and Cheese, a nice salad, Apples, etc. Why not make your life a little easier and bring some of your favorite snacks with you? Goldfish, trail mix, granola bars, snickers bars, you get the idea.

Tune in next week when I talk about the things you shouldn't bring on a short or long-term missions trip/volunteer trip. Ha, just kidding, but you definitely shouldn't bring anything you're not willing to lose cause stuff gets lost or stolen sometimes. I personally have never had anything stolen while living in India.***

I totally would have added more pictures but the internet here is crazy slow and was not working very nicely. Be grateful for the pictures that made it.



* My Mother, Aunt, and littlest brother are immune from the bitterness because they came for 2 weeks for the wedding.

**I have decided very recently to be completely honest with you guys in my blog. This is my more personal side and I hope that's okay. I'm not perfect, no one is, and the monthly (semi-yearly) newsletters I send out are for all the "good" stuff. This is for the raw stuff.

*** and I'm sure now that I've written this my next blog post will be about something getting stolen.

Do Not Be Afraid

In December I started feeling a tightness in my chest and it seemed as though I was having palpitations. It happened just twice a month and the night before I flew to Mumbai in January I could not sleep the whole night because of these feelings. After arriving in India these instances of discomfort in my chest, particularly on the left side, have become more frequent. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac with what I thought was a light anxiety problem. I immediately assumed the worst: my arteries are getting blocked, I'm about to have a heart attack, or my heart is just going to stop suddenly. Then, I did a google search, some would say I'm the google Queen, and found that perhaps I have sleep apnea since it mostly happens at night and I feel as if I'm about to stop breathing or my heart is going to stop beating as I fall asleep which is why I cannot sleep well most nights. Somehow, I end up falling asleep these nights and wake up to find I am, in fact, still alive.

But, then I found an anxiety discussion group on a website I frequent and found out that the same symptoms are frequent with people who have anxiety disorders. So then I didn't know what to think. Was it some sort of heart disease? Was it sleep apnea? Is it just anxiety?

On Saturday Romel and I went to a well known hospital in Pune called Ruby Hall Clinic to find out once and for all what the heck is going on. I met with a Cardiologist and he told me to go get a million tests done and come back and see him. So I gave a blood and urine sample, had a chest x-ray, had an ECG/EKG, had an echocardiogram or whatever (ultrasound of my heart), and did a Pulmonary Function Test (breathing test). After all these things and lots of money later, we received all the test results and met with the doctor once again and after a few minutes looking through all the results he said the best three words I have heard in a long time,

"everything is normal."

Then he asked me if I'm stressed out and I told him of my suspicions of having an anxiety disorder and he said that was most likely the cause of it all. He gave me a prescription for some beta-blockers and sent me on my way. I haven't taken any of those pills yet because, not surprisingly, I am worried if I take them they will cause my heart to stop! Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh man, anxiety, get outta here!

Thankfully, both nights of sleep since receiving the test results have been wonderful. I fell asleep quickly and slept the whole night soundly. It really has been medicine in and of itself just knowing my heart is A-Okay and perfectly normal. 

I can't complain about the cost of these tests because compared to America it was quite cheap. The grand total was about $75 after the seven hours and seven tests in the hospital, but when we had $120 to last us until the 7th of May we're pretty much broke for now.

Please consider and pray about partnering with us financially for the next six months. Just six months is all we need and ask because after that we will be back in the U.S. (both of us, yay!!) and will be taking a much needed year sabbatical from missionary life. We only get $400 per month right now and we really need about $600. We do receive enough from our wonderful friends and family to be able to eat three meals a day and live in our home, but we are not able to get clothes or go out to eat and we are not able to get other "luxury" foods like olive oil, brown rice, zucchini or other things I really wish we had but cannot afford to travel to Pune or pay for these imported goods. Guys, I can't even make chocolate chip cookies because we can't afford to pay $3 for brown sugar!

Thankfully, now, I no longer have to have anxiety about my heart, but of course as soon as one stress-factor is taken away another moves in: money. Money is always a struggle. No matter if you are a missionary in a first world country or a third world country. Sure things are cheaper here than in the U.S. but compared to how much our "income" is it probably evens out to about the same.

So now, I humbly ask you to pray about supporting Romel and myself for the next six months. Your support is tax-deductible! Just ask me how to give and I will send you the information. Otherwise you can of course give through paypal, however that will not be tax-deductible.

Romel and I are so grateful for all of you who support us prayerfully and those who are standing with us through encouraging e-mails and Skype conversations. We are thankful to those who do support us financially, but we also recognize that it is not possible for some and we are still thankful to you who think of us often and stand with us in prayer. We could not be living in obedience without you!

Our good friends' daughter. She is so cute and I got to spend the whole weekend with her!

Love signs in India

Romel playing bass guitar at our Monday community worship

It's mango season ya'll! I'm so excited and can cut a perfect mango.

The sun is out and seeking vengeance against all who dare step out into its light.

Some sort of flower that I love but have no idea what it is.

And Life Goes On and On

 I'm going to get a little personal up in here.

I am 100% sure that I have an anxiety disorder. I have always thought I had a slight anxiety problem, but now I am sure it is much bigger than I originally thought. About a month before I left the U.S. (end of December) I started feeling some tightness in my chest. I was at first concerned it had something to do with my heart, in fact I am still worried about that. The week before I left it was almost daily, a slight pressure in my chest and I could not sleep very well, then the night before I was to fly I could not sleep the whole night. Every time I was about to drift off to sleep I thought my heart would stop or I couldn't breathe so I would wake up suddenly with a jerk and make sure I'm alive and breathing and my night continued in that cycle for the next couple hours until I finally somehow drifted off to sleep and found myself waking up on three hours of sleep.

Once I arrived in India I was fine for two whole weeks until it started happening again. I was watching a movie called "Buried." It's about a guy who wakes up buried alive in a box/coffin in Afghanistan or Iraq...I can't remember which. It's a quite intense movie and I felt that pressure/breathing problem again throughout the whole movie. I eventually went to the doctor and he thinks it is just heartburn or gas. It started happening a few times a week only when I would go to sleep. I have discovered that this is quite common with people who have anxiety disorders. Once I decided it was anxiety it has been a lot easier to control. Not knowing what it was only made my anxiety and the symptoms worse.

I believe I've always had anxiety to a small extent because it runs in my family and I always think the worst in any situation. I jump to the worst, most out-there conclusion when anything goes slightly wrong. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac also. But, for some reason this has all escalated into something really intense over the last four months. Some days it's too much for me to handle. Most days I am okay and normal.

I'd still like to get my heart tested for anything abnormal, but I'm pretty sure it's just anxiety.

I taught Proverbs this week and I really love how much wisdom is contained in that book. It really is about choosing to be wise or choosing the path of folly. Will you live a life of wisdom or foolishness? If you fear God you will be wise, but a fool rejects instruction and discernment. As I studied this book a couple of verses hit me in the face. It was just what I needed to hear in this midst of anxiety.

My son, do not lose sight of these -- keep sound wisdom and discretion,
and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid; 
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.
- Proverbs 3:21-26 -

Now, I realize that those verses are referring to living wisely verses living/following the wicked fool, but it eased my heart and mind especially since I only struggle as I'm trying to sleep and I haven't been sleeping well lately at all.

So, there you have it. My personal struggle at the moment.

In other news, tomorrow is the final day of the 2nd quarter of our three-quarter SBS. Next week is our Spring Break. One whole week with nothing to do! I am so excited to spend time with Romel. I will be baking, reading, resting, relaxing, eating delicious food, and maybe even spending a day in Pune or somewhere else close-by. I just love holidays.

 And now some pictures for your enjoyment. I felt a sudden urge to take pictures of all the beautiful vegetation we have on our campus. Plus, had to add one of the cat and some cutie patootie kids that came over this last Sunday for our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY DINNER!

Yes, we've been married for one year now! Where did the time go? I am so thankful God brought Romel into my life. He is so generous, sweet, and silly. I love him so much and look forward to many more years ahead of us.

Jackfruit.

Love these purple leaves.

Baby figs.