Just Breathe.

My oh my, it has been quite a while since I updated this blog. Sorry for all of you who have been checking every day hoping for a post, as if.

Life has been better.
Life has been worse.

Being in Minnesota with my family is pretty awesome.

Being in Minnesota without my husband is pretty much the loneliest.

I found a job at a hotel here in Maple Grove. It is not the best pay, but I'm working almost full-time and it is really easy stuff. I'm basically a janitor. I clean all the common areas at night. Second shift. I spend six to eight hours alone, cleaning. Often not seeing or talking to a human being for hours. It's kind of perfect.

You see, the more I fly back and forth between India and Minnesota, the more withdrawn I am becoming. I prefer alone time or else I follow my mother around the house like Peaches does.

It is quite depressing to be home during this freezing, snowy weather without the one human being you love most. It's quite depressing falling asleep alone every night and waking up alone every morning. I pray that Romel and I will never have to be separated again.

It's all because of money and immigration stuff. I could go back to India tomorrow, but I don't have a plane ticket and the sole purpose of my being here is to pay the lawyer so that we can finally start this process.

Romel is with his family in Nagaland right now experiencing the same things as I am, minus the working part. Getting a job in India without a college degree is pretty pointless because you will literally be paid next to nothing. So, it's up to me to be the bread winner this season of our lives and that is hard for Romel, as the man, to swallow. I don't like it either, but what else can I do?

I feel like I'm not quite trusting God like I should be. I haven't quite let go of this control that I think I have over my life.

All I am asking for is money, but I hate only asking for money. I feel like I only approach the Amazing, Perfect, Magnificent Creator and King with stuff I need and not with anything to offer or give up. I got a lot of stuff to give up but I'm like a child holding onto my little toys so very tightly.

Sigh.

My Nose Cannot Possibly Go On

I don't know how these things even happen, but yesterday morning I felt super-fine and then by the evening I was curled up on a couch watching Adventure Time and blowing my nose every 5 minutes because there is no end to the boogers that are coming out. I had a headache and my whole neck and shoulders were aching. How does a cold (or could it be...sinuses?!) come on so quickly? I've been sitting here now today just accumulating a pile of used kleenex and trying to drink hot things and not move so much but no matter what position I sit or lay in I cannot get comfortable.

To top it all off my husband is not here to take care of me and hold me. Ugh. He will hopefully be here soon though, I'd say within the next 2 days. Our dear friends took care of the Mumbai stuff and our marriage license is now on its merry little way to Delhi. It should arrive today. I pray it arrives today.

I'd write more, but who wants to hear me ramble on about how much snot is coming out of my nose and how when I washed off my gel face pack earlier I wasn't sure if it was the slimy face pack I was rubbing off my face or my own snot that was coming out of my nose!

In other news, I dyed my hair. I like it best when it's dark I think.

Before. I know it's kind of a weird picture, but I was about to go outside. This is yesterday when I was feeling so fine.

After. It looks black, but it's like a burgundy. It's super cool. Here I am on the phone with my husband whom I miss incredibly and I am not feeling so good.

I was going to add another picture. A current one of what I look like at the moment I'm writing this, but I'll spare you the ugly.